An exchange in the Letters-to-the-Editor column:
I am 42 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Haven Monahan.
Papa Jan says, “If you see it in The Times, it’s so.”
Please tell me the truth, is there a Haven Monahan?
Sabrina Rubin Erdely
Sabrina, your little friends are wrong. …
Yes, Sabrina, there is a Haven Monahan. He exists as certainly as hate and privilege and patriarchy exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its purpose: to destroy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Haven Monahan! It would be as dreary as if there were no Sabrinas. There would be no politically correct dogma then, no hoaxes, no slander to make tolerable this existence. We should have no blood libels nor ensuing pogroms, no nights of broken glass.
Not believe in Haven Monahan! You might as well not believe in transgenderism! You might get your Papa Jan to hire interns to watch in all the fraternities during Rush Week to catch Haven Monahan, but even if they did not see Haven Monahan coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Haven Monahan, but that is no sign that there is no Haven Monahan. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see Tawana Brawley being gangraped by white policemen? Of course not, but that’s no proof that Crystal Magnum wasn’t right. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the gangrapes there are unseen and unseeable in the world….
Is it all real? Ah, Sabrina, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Haven Monahan! Thank God he lives and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Sabrina, nay 10 times 10 thousand years from now, he will continue to make tingle the hamster of womanhood.
Idea lifted from commenter SPMoore8.