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Democratic Nomination Clinched by Edd "Kookie" Byrnes
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I finally figured out where Joe Biden came up with his personal affect: from Edd “Kookie” Byrnes, the greaser valet parker in the 1958 detective show 77 Sunset Strip, which debuted when Joe was 15:

Edd was an enormous sensation with teenage girls in 1958. Here’s Edd’s hit song with Connie Stevens: “Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb:”

Joe’s been snuggling up to the ladies, even if it makes them look a little uncomfortable, like Connie Stevens midway thru this song, ever since.

Joe is, basically, a Car Guy. His dad was car dealer. Joe’s prize possession is his 1967 Corvette. Kookie’s late 1950s beatnik way of talking hung on longer in The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby car world than just about anywhere else.

I can’t understand a word Kookie Byrnes said, so here are the lyrics:

Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
Well now, let’s take it from the top & grab some wheels
& On the way we’ll talk about some cuckoo deals.
But Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
Now you’re on the way, miss, and I’m reading you just fine.
Don’t cut out of here till we get on Cloud 9.
But Kookie, Kookie?
I’ve got smog in my noggin ever since you made the scene
You’re the utmost!
If you ever tool me out… dead, I’m the saddest, like a brain
The very utmost. Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
Man, I got my bruise lighters in my flapsy-colored pen.
You’re gonna send me to that planet called… you know it, baby, the end!
Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
If you ever cut out, you might be a stray cat.
‘Cause when I’m flying solo, nowhere’s we’re on that!
Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
What’s with this comb caper, baby? Why do you wanna latch up with my comb?
I just want you to stop combing your hair and kiss me. You’re the maximum utmost.
Well, I beans & I dreams going, I’m moving right now
‘Cause that’s the kind of scene that I dig.
Baby, you’re the ginchiest!

 
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  1. Charon says:

    Pretty boys sitting three across in a convertible? Wow.

    Yeah he does resemble the young Biden

    • Replies: @Buck Ransom
  2. Anon[377] • Disclaimer says:

    I’m not even going to click the link to that song. I’ve heard it before, and it’s a real stomach – turner.

    You’re right about Biden aping Byrnes. People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to copy the behavior of another person because they don’t have a self of their own. Their inner self is hollow.

  3. It’s not a foreign language, you know.

    I’ve got fog in my noggin
    Ever since you made the scene
    If you ever tune me out
    Dad, I’m the saddest, like, I’m green[?]

    Man, I got my burners lighted
    And my flaps are gonna bend
    You’re gonna take me to that planet called,
    You know it, baby, The End!

    If you ever cut out
    Then I’d be a stray cat
    ’Cause when I’m flyin’ solo,
    Nowhere’s where I’m at!

  4. I only know of Byrnes and the song due to a cameo appearance on Married with Children.

  5. This iSteve post represents the high water mark for noticing by Mr. Sailer this year (thus far.)

  6. The 1970s were tough for Kookie guys like Joe.

    • Replies: @Clyde
  7. Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. Kookie, Kookie?
    If you ever cut out, you might be a stray cat.

    Holy crap – what were they on? Some calf-tranquilizers or what? Holy holy / pony poly – uhh?

    These lyrics are really something, I must say. Thanks for posting them. – And Joe Biden – got lost in translation – it did not really work to beam him into the 21st century. Something went – astray – – – –per aspera ad astra – – – (if only Tom Wolfe would still be alive – and Jack Kerouac – – – and William F. Buckley – – -).

  8. robot says: • Website

    Kookie was Bowie’s model too, right?

    • Replies: @Steve Sailer
  9. @robot

    I noticed the resemblance between Kookie and Bowie too.

    • Replies: @Desiderius
  10. Anon[231] • Disclaimer says:
    @Jenner Ickham Errican

    WTF am I watching

    Yeah, and I thought old stuff was good. 🙁

    • Replies: @Carol
  11. Hibernian says:

    “Joe’s been snuggling up to the ladies, even if it makes them look a little uncomfortable, like Connie Stevens midway thru this song, ever since.”

    Connie was a grown woman.

  12. danand says:

    I’ve only ever known Kookie Byrnes as Vince Fontaine; a Dick Clark dance show host type role in the movie Grease. You must have tied this all up Steve, as Grease, the sing along version, is this Sunday Nights “coronavirus crisis” movie on CBS. I’ll be sure to watch as Travolta races that “Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby” down the LA River.

    As for original Joe Biden, as much as he may have tried to be Kookie, unfortunately “I’ve got smog in my noggin” is about all that’s left, “man”.

  13. Cortes says:

    Byrnes looks like the half-wit twin of Clu Gulager.

  14. Cliff says:

    Wait till Joe Biden is asked who his favorite rap artist is and he replies Kookie.

  15. In the 50’s two distinct phenomena occured simultaneously… America went car crazy in the mid 50’s… The 55 – 57 Chevy’s, Corvette, T Bird, J2 Oldsmobiles, and other great cars. The hot rod culture that started just prior to WWII came into it’s own, and Rock and Roll. The two are symbiotic. That’s really the beginning of America having a distinct culture, and teenie boppers made teenagers a distinct demographic. I was’nt there for it, but the 50’s were a great time to be living in America.

    • Replies: @MBlanc46
  16. Thirdtwin says:

    Biden’s dilemma is that you can’t talk like that without a cigarette to obscure your words and keep your hands busy, but holding a cig is nowadays is worse than molesting children.

    Did he ever smoke? I find it hard to believe Jet Age Joe was not a pack-a-day guy at one time.

  17. @Anonymous

    Indeed an Onion classic … love the wrap line. Thanks.

  18. For some reason Seventy Seven Sunset Strip has been on my mind lately. I even asked Alexia to show it on Amazon Prime but all she came up with was Route 66 (interesting also, from a 1950’s anthropology perspective). And I’ve been singing snippets of the song and wondering just who Kookie was. I was just a small boy when the series aired, but remember the song pretty well.

    Thanks, Steve, for this post and link. Mystery resolved.

    My explanation for these coincidences is that the planet Earth is traveling through some nebulous electronic field that excites similar neurons in people though they dwell on different spots on the globe. (Just kidding, but what else?)

  19. Given the greaser had enough BRYLCREEM® in his hair to groom an ape, why would a nice girl-next-door-type like Connie Stevens want to use his comb?

    • Replies: @Erik L
  20. @Charon

    And the vanity plate on the white convertible reads CRNPOP

    How ginchy is that, Daddy-O?

  21. Clyde says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    And this is how he got the name plugs Biden.

    • Replies: @Buzz Mohawk
  22. Clyde says:

    Biden was coherent back in 2016

  23. People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to copy the behavior of another person because they don’t have a self of their own. Their inner self is hollow.

    Yes, but identifying with a character on television when you’re fifteen and making them part of your persona is not pathological.

    Nor is feeling incomplete, and, therefore, searching for wholeness outside of yourself, uncommon.

    Biden’s strength is that he really is an empathetic and open kind of guy. Diagnosing him with NPD is missing the forest for the trees.

  24. How To Speak Hip

    A classic from a bygone time. You can learn a lot from Geets Romo.

    • Replies: @Buck Ransom
  25. slumber_j says:

    Steve Sailer’s brilliant insight further implies that Joe Biden’s personality was engineered by my old friend (the me-too’d ex-head of Amazon Studios) Roy Price’s maternal grandfather Roy Huggins, who created 77 Sunset Strip along with pretty much all other TV shows.

    • Replies: @Charon
  26. Was the Screen Actors Guild that much smaller in 1958 that fellows like Roger Smith and Richard Long had no need to use their middle names or initials? This was about the time Mary Moore shoehorned in the “Tyler”.

    I would think that at the tail end of the golden age of cinema attendance, the SAG would have been bigger than it is now.

    Then again, the credits on cartoons and other children’s programming have ballooned in recent decades. I can’t believe it takes more people to do CGI now than it did giant flipbooks then. More people must be out of the closet shadows today.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
  27. Speaking of personal affects, I was watching the Gavin McInnes interview with John McAfee the other day and then other McAfee videos, and it turns out McAfee has the same idiosyncratic speech patterns as Jared Taylor, including pronouncing the “wh” as “hoo” instead of “w”. Is it a Virginia thing?

    • Replies: @jack daniels
  28. In the very last second of that video titled “Connie Stevens & Edd Byrnes”, the emcee Dick Clark speaks the words “Edward Bernstein” [pronounced “-steen”]. What is the relationship between Edd Byrnes and Edward Bernstein?

    • Replies: @Ripple Earthdevil
  29. Daniel H says:

    Kookie, lend me your comb. Oh wow. I remember that song. I was born in ’59, but it must have been somewhere in the air in the early ’60s. Oh boy.

  30. Always thought Connie Stevens’ “Tan Shoes and Pink Shoelaces” was a far better song, one of her all time best.

  31. Carol says:
    @Anon

    Always a lot of forgettable crap. I hated this one at the time, and anything else targeted at my demo.

    Biden is a mashup. Like the execrable Larry Storch, who couldn’t figure out if he was Elvis, Jim Morrison or Maynard G Krebs.

  32. Anonymous[198] • Disclaimer says:
    @Reg Cæsar

    Though movie crediting is prone to make-work/vanity bylines at all levels, this incentive can’t extend to out-of-town animation shops, whether manual or digital. Rarely does an animator or 3D tinkerer have agents & publicists to feed.

    Perhaps computerized FX is so piecemeal and commodified that splitting it among thousands becomes viable, but check a 90s episode of The Simpsons for about 10 screens’ worth of Korean names at the end. As with the old wasteful H’wood paying for the celluloid on the cutting room floor, the nature of the business demands routinely buying unfinished clips kept in the file instead of the edit.

  33. JimB says:

    Well, I beans & I dreams going, I’m moving right now
    ‘Cause that’s the kind of scene that I dig.

    Wait a minute. So Biden doesn’t have vascular aphasia?

  34. @Clyde

    Yep. He really was (and still is) a joke. I remember.

    And it is a joke to me that he is a nominee for anything. All the more proof that it just doesn’t matter who gets nominated or elected. The real power and decisions are made elsewhere.

  35. “Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb” is referenced in Bob McFadden and Dor’s 1959 classic, “The Mummy”.

    If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a mummy met a beatnik, here’s your answer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boMW2kVgk34

  36. A monkey is walking through the jungle. He hears the plaintive cries of an elephant. Venturing farther he find an elephant at the bottom of a pit trap. “Help me, please, little monkey.” “Sure, hang on I will be right back.” A short time later the monkey returns driving his 350/350 Corvette Sting Ray. Quickly attaching a rope to the axle, he pulls the elephant up and free. “I owe you little buddy.”says the elephant. Months later the elephant is walking through the jungle and he hears the plaintive cries of a monkey in distress. Venturing farther he finds his little monkey buddy at the bottom of a pit trap. “Help me please my friend,” cries the monkey. “No problem,” says the elephant. The elephant backs up, squats down and yells, “Grab my tail.” Monkey tries, but no success. “Your tail is too short and I hear the hunters coming.” The elephant turns, faces the pit, kneels down and extends his trunk. Again too short. The monkey is now crying in mortal fear. The elephant stands, unzips his pants and drops his prodigious shlong down to the monkey, who grabs on and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you have a big dick, you don’t need a Corvette.

    • LOL: MBlanc46
    • Replies: @Jim Don Bob
  37. @Mark Spahn (West Seneca, NY)

    Edward Byrne Breitenberger (July 30, 1932 – January 8, 2020), known professionally as Edd Byrnes, was an American actor, best known for his starring role in the television series 77 Sunset Strip.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edd_Byrnes

  38. anon[273] • Disclaimer says:

    Ah, now I get it. Senilo G isn’t actually smelling the hair of women, he’s just looking for his comb.

    Thanks!

  39. syonredux says:

    Black Lives Matter—but Not Black Skin? Indian Celebs Called Out for Expressing Solidarity After Profiting from Colorism

    https://theglowup.theroot.com/black-lives-matter-but-not-black-skin-indian-celebs-ca-1843926090

  40. Charon says:
    @slumber_j

    I like watching a number of shows from well before I was born. Granted, most are fairly unsophisticated and some are quite corny, but none are smutty, none promote anti-white hatred, and none appear to be pushing narratives demonstrably contrary to objective reality. Except maybe The Outer Limits.

  41. Charon says:

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/sarahhansen/2020/06/03/cares-act-protections-including-600-unemployment-benefits-expire-next-month-heres-what-needs-to-happen-to-avoid-more-economic-devastation/

    Seems to me that the Republicans should go along with the less insane parts of Pelosi’s wish list. Not because it makes sense but because repubs need to get reelected.

    If they get reelected and maintain control of the Senate, they can cut off the spigot in Nov. If they don’t, the dems can deal with the mess.

    Warning, WokeForbes isn’t your dad’s magazine any more. Full of cant about black and brown bodies being disproportionately affected by tectonic plates etc.

    optional

  42. Anonymous[427] • Disclaimer says:

    Ole Senilo’s model might have actually been Buddy Deane, a regional version of Dick Clark who was on in Baltimore and other areas nearby.

    The Buddy Deane Show was a teen dance television show, created by Zvi Shoubin, hosted by Winston “Buddy” Deane (1924–2003), and aired on WJZ-TV (Channel 13), the ABC affiliate station in Baltimore from 1957 until 1964. It was similar to Philadelphia’s American Bandstand. The Buddy Deane Show was taken off the air because home station WJZ-TV was unwilling to integrate black and white dancers[1].

    Deane’s dance party television show debuted in 1957 and was, for a time, the most popular local show in the United States. It aired for two and a half hours a day, six days a week. Teenagers who appeared on the show every day were known as “The Committee”. Committee members included Mike Miller, Charlie Bledsoe, Ron Osher, Mary Lou Raines, Pat(ricia) Tacey, and Cathy Schmink. Hundreds of thousands of teens learned the latest dances by watching Committee members on the show, copying their personal style, and following their life stories and interactions

    Which would be interesting on a great many levels.

  43. 62 years ago.

    Like some 15 year old today running for King of Wakanda in 2082.

  44. @Buffalo Joe

    A cop pulls over an elderly lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration.

    When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

    He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

    She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And an Ar-15 in the back seat. And a shotgun in the trunk.

    “Jesus, lady,” says the cop. “What are you so afraid of?”

    The old lady looks him in the eye and says, “Not a damn thing.”

  45. @Steve Sailer

    Steve, can you clue Toad into the fact that most people on the Right* have families? A Maoist forum is not the place one wants to be with that much at stake.

    * – Of course most of us dissidents aren’t even on the Right in any meaningful sense.

  46. vinteuil says:
    @Jenner Ickham Errican

    60 years ago it all seemed innocent & harmless.

  47. Don’t forget Bob Denver as beatnik Maynard G. Krebs. Denver wasn’t lady-killer but he had pretty good patter. Whenever he heard the word ‘work’ he would should ‘work!!’ in a horrified tone of voice.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
  48. @Chrisnonymous

    COULD BE. ‘wh’ to a Virginian means Wahoo!

  49. Anonymous[107] • Disclaimer says:

    If Biden wins, busing comes back, correct? While not totally predictable I predict that would create a social situation falling under “Not Good”– but it might be the only way to end runaway virtue-signaling. Sort of like the 1906 San Francisco fire dept. shooting unexploded ordnance at the conflagration

  50. Anonymous[427] • Disclaimer says:
    @jack daniels

    Bob Denver was more or less Liza Minnelli with a penis, e.g. a total nonactor who played the same exact goofy character in everything he did. After the Dobie Gillis show, he most famously was Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island, and then they did a transparent knockoff of the show as Dusty’s Trail, with Forrest Tucker from F Troop.

  51. J1234 says:

    Hey, that looks cool, especially the T-Birds and ’60 Fords. I remember hearing about the show as a little kid, but I don’t remember seeing it. I’m going to see if they have any old episodes on youtube.

    I think Biden’s on to something!

    • Replies: @danand
  52. MBlanc46 says:
    @VinnyVette

    I was only twixt four and fourteen, but yes, we won’t see times like those again.

  53. Watching the clip with Jay Leno, I heard something in Biden’s voice—the timbre, the cadence—that gave me the thought that the late, great Fred Willard could have done a great Biden bit in the same setup, reminiscing with Leno about his youth.

  54. Anonymous[534] • Disclaimer says:

    Yeah…those lyrics you quote are completely wrong.
    Listen closely: the words are not gibberish. Mostly, they are a parody of contemporary hepcat slang but using Navy and military aviation jargon instead (the author, Irving Taylor, nee Goldberg, was a Navy veteran). The concept is actually pretty funny, but obviously hasn’t aged, since the lyrics refer to long-obsolete technology — radio navigation beams and that sort of thing.
    I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this Joe Biden person. Was he a ’50s novelty song singer, too?

  55. Frank Sinatra had that ring-a-ding-ding thing going. There’s a better example than the following, but I can’t locate it. This is from a letter he wrote George Michael.

    Come on George, Loosen up. Swing, man, Dust off those gossamer wings and fly yourself to the moon of your choice and be grateful to carry the baggage we’ve all had to carry since those lean nights of sleeping on buses and helping the driver unload the instruments

    And no more of that talk about “the tragedy of fame.” The tragedy of fame is when no one shows up and you’re singing to the cleaning lady in some empty joint that hasn’t seen a paying customer since Saint Swithin’s day. And you’re nowhere near that; you’re top dog on the top rung of a tall ladder called Stardom, which in latin means thanks-to-the-fans who were there when it was lonely.

  56. danand says:
    @J1234

    “Hey, that looks cool, especially the T-Birds and ’60 Fords.“

    J1234, that 1960 Galaxie really caught my eye too. As with you, always had “77 Sunset Strip” in my consciousness, but had never seen it; wonder if anyone not on screen came anywhere near, for lack of a more fitting term, “jiving” like that?

    My parents new ‘63 Ford (Santa Cruz pier in far background, std 50mm lens)

    1D3ACD9C-FADE-42A3-921A-C39F9FD0C758

  57. J1234 says:

    Beautiful! I’m a big fan of the ’63 2 door HT that was released mid-year with the stylish sloping roof line – coolest Galaxie HT ever – but even that’s not as cool as a convertible.

  58. @Anonymous

    Hahaha…. Leave it to the Onion to cut so close that it leaves you in tears.

  59. Erik L says:
    @The Alarmist

    At the end of the song he asks her and she replies that she just wants him to stop combing his hair and kiss her already. It was a ruse!!!!!

    • Replies: @The Alarmist
  60. @Erik L

    Respect to you for making it all the way through 😉

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