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Bazelon: Divorce Can be an Act of Radical Self-Love
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From the New York Times opinion page:

Divorce Can Be an Act of Radical Self-Love
Sept. 30, 2021

By Lara Bazelon

Ms. Bazelon is a professor at the University of San Francisco School of Law and the author of the forthcoming book “Ambitious Like a Mother.”

I used to believe that divorce is a terrible thing, particularly when children are involved. Growing up, I absorbed cultural tropes about absent fathers in efficiency apartments, mothers struggling to support themselves, and awful stepparents and unwanted stepsiblings. To this day, divorce is portrayed as precarious and grim. Parents whose marriages break apart are made to feel they have failed catastrophically. Divorce is shameful, traumatic and Bad For The Kids.

But I’ve learned that divorce can also be an act of radical self-love that leaves the whole family better off. …

Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

Ms. Bazelon’s grandfather David Bazelon helped set off the great crime wave of the 1960s as head judge of the First (D.C.) Circuit Court of Appeals, the most powerful judicial post not on on the Supreme Court. His best friend was William Brennan, the Svengali of the Warren Court, and Brennan and Bazelon would plot together to tee up cases via Bazelon’s court for the Warren Court.

As for her divorce, the lady doth protest too much about how great it’s been for the kids. Here’s Ms. Bazelon’s 2015 NYT op-ed and on how much her children are thriving due to her divorce:

From Divorce, a Fractured Beauty (Updated With Podcast)

By Lara Bazelon
Sept. 24, 2015

UPDATED: You can now hear this essay read by the actress Molly Ringwald in Modern Love: The Podcast.

 
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  1. “I used to believe that divorce is a terrible thing, particularly when children are involved. Growing up, I absorbed cultural tropes about absent fathers in efficiency apartments, mothers struggling to support themselves, and awful stepparents and unwanted stepsiblings. To this day, divorce is portrayed as precarious and grim. Parents whose marriages break apart are made to feel they have failed catastrophically.”

    This female is utterly full of crap. Growing up, she absorbed a divorce ideology, courtesy of people like her criminal family, whereby it hurts kids more to grow up in an unhappy marriage, rather than endure a broken family.

  2. I’ve seen tropes used before as it is here- “I absorbed cultural tropes”- by smug reality-denying leftists who can count on their credulous readers not to look past this pretentious dismissal of stereotypes which often tend to be supported by facts.

    • Replies: @Glaivester
  3. dearieme says:

    Her purported quotation from a child aged nine is obviously a fabrication. But, hell, she’s a lawyer.

    • Agree: Nicholas Stix
    • LOL: InnerCynic
  4. When her daughter grows up, I suspect she won’t be that close to Mom.

    • Replies: @JimB
  5. Dave Pinsen says: • Website

    If America became a Mormon theocracy I suspect most American women would be privately thrilled (many enjoy the Mormon mommy blogs). Lara Bazelon‘s transgressive divorce essays can be interpreted as an attempt to provoke a reactionary response.

  6. Anonymous[178] • Disclaimer says:

    Legally, marriage is fundamentally broken. I would be interested if anyone has insight into how family law has changed over the years, but what is clear is that it creates all the wrong incentives. There are no negative consequences to divorce, and least for the non-breadwinner (typically the woman). To the contrary: there’s only upside for her. Divorce gets her 1) independence 2) custody of the kids 3) half of the man’s assets 4) typically the house and 5) abundant financial support in the form of alimony and child support. Why would she *not* get divorced at the earliest chance, at the first spat or bump in the road? She’d be crazy not to. Why would she not explode her own relationship by withholding sex, or being nasty, or humiliating her spouse in public, or having an affair? It’s no skin off her nose. She has all the power, she knows it, and the way she treats him proves it.

    Given these incentives, unsurprisingly, most divorce is initiated by women: men don’t want to lose their house, kids and retirement. They don’t want to support an ungrateful woman in perpetuity while she sleeps with other men in the home he built. I would wager that the majority of husband-initiated divorces are, essentially, because she’s become so unbearable and his life so miserable that he’ll do anything to escape. Or, he has nothing to lose perhaps because he was smart enough to get a prenup.

    In any event, and being as blame neutral as possible: the correct construction of a “life long” commitment is not to architect it such that by its very design it incentivizes one or both parties to blow it up. Crazy that this is not already the case.

    Besides these points, marriage has become godless and often childless. If you’re not gonna have kids, why get married? So you can throw a big wedding party and she gets to be a narcissistic princess for a day? A marriage which isn’t about something bigger than yourself, like god, children and the union of two families, is vapid, narcissistic and built on sand. The marriages which still work are those in deeply religious communities who ostracize the women who initiate divorce or otherwise become so nasty as to justify it. Secular marriage is completely broken. It’s no surprise that most fail.

  7. The question is: at what point did America dissolve into a re-formulated, antagonistic despotic regime of inter-bred racial hierarchy to rule over them?

    I’d put the range between 1950 and 1990. After 1990 you can see media expression regress to a basic regurgitation of all and or amalgamation of antecedent cultural forms. Post 1990 there are very few visual, and aural breakthroughs.

    • Replies: @Pat Hannagan
  8. @Pat Hannagan

    The question is: can the formula of copying and pasting a mainstream opinion piece with interspersed critical commentary succeed as a means of supporting mass unemployment events due to vaccine hesitancy?

    It’s the sort of thorny subject humanity has to resolve but I, for one, am willing to investigate.

  9. @Nicholas Stix

    The weird, twisted analogue which comes to mind is Woody Allen celebrating marital betrayal in his movies–and in his life. Greatness has its prerogatives! Ingmar Bergman can cheat on his wife, and he’s a great man! Ergo…

  10. eric says:

    Her daughter reminds me of when President Jimmy Carter asked his 12-yo daughter what scared her most, and she said “nuclear proliferation.”

    • LOL: ScarletNumber
    • Replies: @Harry Baldwin
    , @Shel100
  11. Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    Anyone believe that this is what the ten-year-old actually said? Much less really thought (as opposed to thinking this is what Mommy wanted to hear)?

  12. P.S. “I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: [insert sockpuppeted statement here]” is one of the tiredest tropes. Besides being a terrible jurist and the granddaughter of a terrible jurist, she is a terrible writer.

    • Agree: R.G. Camara
    • Replies: @Wilbur Hassenfus
  13. @Nicholas Stix

    More like radical self-deception. Like a feminist rewrite of “1984′.

    Feminism was never Not Rotten | Anti-feminist Praxis – by Karen Straughan https://antifeministpraxis.com/2017/03/31/feminism-was-never-not-rotten/

  14. Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    No doubt her ten-year-old daughter then went back to doing calculus homework and then her book report on War and Peace.

    Bazelon is, as Nick Stix says above, “utterly full of crap.”

    Also, she who was born in 1971 grew up during a time of legitimization of divorce. Her lie about growing up in a time of cultural tropes anti-divorce is ridiculous to anyone close to her age.

  15. But I’ve learned that divorce can also be an act of radical self-love…

    Lara should just get herself a vibrator.

  16. Arclight says:

    It seems a lot of the opinion pieces in high-perch publications like the NYT are just an effort on the part of writers who have had incredible advantages throughout their lives justifying their failures and neuroses. Hair, divorce, hating the fact you have a son (ie future rapist) as opposed to a daughter, etc.

    It’s one thing for the people who rule us to have largely patrician backgrounds, it’s something else entirely when they try to foist the biproducts of their insecurities and mental issues on the rest of us.

    • Agree: ScarletNumber
  17. Thea says:

    Growing up, kids were presented the Brady Bunch, Goonies and E.T.. Fun times with high adventure for kids in step or broken families. So I have no clue where she got the idea divorce is presented negatively in American pop culture.

  18. Anon[304] • Disclaimer says:

    Something that didn’t happen:

    Recently… my daughter, now 10, … told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    But maybe these days the fourth grade kids of the elite regularly speak in compound complex sentences about complex public policy issues. Maybe this is where assortative matting and endogamy takes us to.

  19. I can’t get past the paywall. Is this one of the pieces where they allow comments? If so I’d be curious if any of them commented on the author’s strangely precocious 10-yr old.

    • Replies: @PiltdownMan
  20. Mike Tre says:

    and suicide is painless.

  21. I mean, she’s not wrong. Divorce IS an act of radical self-love. But only in our selfish, soft, decadent society do a lot of people view that as a good thing. Marriage and families – the building blocks of civilization – are based on self-sacrifice, not self-love.

    • Thanks: JerseyJeffersonian
  22. They are all going to be touting self love as they rot in nursing homes.

  23. radical self-love that leaves the whole family better off

    lol. Only a female could try to pretend her extreme selfishness in destroying her family somehow made everyone in her family better off.

    She might as well have said “everything I do for myself is best for everyone.”

    Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed

    lmao rofl. Yeah, sure, that really happened.

    And then the whole bus clapped.

    • Replies: @Anon
  24. Art Deco says:

    Molly Ringwald has the excuse that her 1st marriage was childless (though it’s a reasonable wager she was cheating).

    A comfortable majority of divorce actions are initiated by wives, and this tendency is more pronounced among couples with children. Maybe 1/3 have what would have been called ‘grounds’ sixty years ago.

    Among the millennial set in our families, there have been three divorces in the last dozen years. All of them were initiated by the wife de facto, and, if I’m not mistaken, de jure as well. None of these women had grounds. At least two were cheating and quite possibly the 3d as well. All of the men in question are satisfactory earners, none has a drinking problem, none use street drugs, none were cheating, and none have a volcanic temper known to their parents or siblings. One of the three might have accumulated a mess of notches in his belt before he met his wife, the other two no. What’s demoralizing is that their families (the father of one excepted) treated the behavior of these women as if it were a weather event.

  25. @Buzz Mohawk

    She’s clearly anguished about her divorce, though. It’s exactly as Charles Murray observed in Coming Apart: as divorce and disorder spread through America’s lower and middle class, the elite still lives by 1950s values.

  26. @Dave Pinsen

    There’s a meme going around where a Communist antifa girl explains that all she wants to do after the revolution is cook, read stories to children, and tend a garden.

    Then a trad girl says, “Oh, so you just want to be a trad wife?”

    The Communist antifa girl loses it.

    • LOL: Dave Pinsen
  27. guest007 says:

    A one time the Washington Post ran a series of articles written about teenage girls in a halfway house in the suburbs of DC. The biggest take away of the stories of trouble teen girls was the difference between black girls who have never meet their fathers and were raised by women who have been been married versus white girls whose mothers have been married multiple times.

    If one has read Hillbilly Elegy, one of the biggest negative impacts of the home life of J.D. Vance was too many dads and fathers.

  28. JMcG says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    She probably has vibrators lying around like Dirty Harry kept his pistols. In the refrigerator, the sock drawer, etc.

    • Replies: @John Johnson
  29. @International Jew

    That’s interesting in light of the fact that it was those very elites who pushed the legitimization of divorce. If you view leaders of media, academia, government and the courts as elites, you must agree.

    Divorce and single-parenting was made legit and financially feasible by those very people. We here all know about that and about the results.

    Was this a case of “new morals for thee but not for me?” If so, what was the reason?

    There is an expression in my wife’s homeland: “Priests preach water and drink wine.” Think about it.

  30. Bill B. says:
    @PhysicistDave

    I have the terrifying thought that her daughter might, just, have said it though that of course would imply Orwellian levels of brain-washing.

  31. @Buzz Mohawk

    Inquiring minds want to know; What sort of mindless dipshit married this woman?

  32. bgates says:

    Zero generations of Bazelons is enough.

  33. dearieme says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    “Priests preach water and drink wine.” Think about it.

    Taken literally it’s absurd. The bible is full of yarns involving wine. It may be a bit short of beer stories, I’ll grant you, and it necessarily has no whisky stories.

    So as a way of saying that priests are hypocrites it’s remarkably clumsy. Unless they are priests of some other religion.

    • Replies: @Buzz Mohawk
  34. slumber_j says:

    Off-topic but extremely iSteveish: While walking around the Cincinnati neighborhood of Hyde Park the other day on a visit to family there, I was reminded of a local invasive species, European wall lizards, known locally as…”Lazarus lizards.” Here’s why:

    In 1951, 10-year-old George Rau Jr., step-son of Fred Lazarus III, came across European wall lizards scurrying across rocky slopes while on a family vacation to Lake Garda in northern Italy located about 30 miles east of Milan. George smuggled a few (6 to 10 depending on the reference source) through customs to release them at his family’s home on Torrence Court in the suburb of Hyde Park just east of Cincinnati.

    https://bygl.osu.edu/index.php/node/585

    Hyde Park is in fact part of Cincinnati, but whatever. Plenty more in that article, including Mr. Rau’s having bragged about his feat of smuggling the invasive species in the first place:

    While the lizard story may seem like local lore, George Rau wrote a letter in 1989 to herpetologists at the Cincinnati Museum of Natural History detailing his role as the lizard trailblazer. He also repeated his story in several interviews with the news media. Research conducted by Cassandra Homan for her M.S. Thesis (“Bottlenecks and Microhabitat Preference in Invasive Wall Lizard, Podarcis muralis.” University of Cincinnati, 2013) added credibility to Rau’s claim. She compared genetic samples collected from the Cincinnati lizards and from the source population in Europe and confirmed a substantial loss of genetic diversity indicating a genetic bottleneck. Her computer simulations suggested the bottleneck was likely associated with only three individuals serving as the founders of the Cincinnati populations.

    And then there’s this tidbit:

    Indeed, the species has been so successful in colonizing southwest Ohio, it is now included in the Ohio Revised Code. You will find “European wall lizard (Podarcis muralis)” listed among the names of native reptiles protected by law (Chapter 1531: Division of Wildlife; 1531.01 Division of wildlife definitions). A rare achievement for a non-native animal.

    Yeah, who has ever heard of such a thing?!

  35. Steve, holy crap, don’t get me started on this! OK, I do have stuff to do this morning, but let me tell you all again.

    It’s a very minor bug, the italics not holding through multiple paragraphs. The work-around is to italicize each paragraph separately.

    I’m not yelling in bold because I am mad or anything – I just wanted to remind Mr. Sailer and other commenters that one can do this. (I fall for this same bug about half the time.)

  36. Thomas says:

    Ms. Bazelon’s grandfather David Bazelon helped set off the great crime wave of the 1960s as head judge of the First (D.C.) Circuit Court of Appeals, the most powerful judicial post not on on the Supreme Court.

    Steve, the First Circuit and the DC Circuit are two different courts, FYI.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Court_of_Appeals_for_the_First_Circuit

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Court_of_Appeals_for_the_District_of_Columbia_Circuit

    • Replies: @ScarletNumber
  37. BB753 says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    “Was this a case of “new morals for thee but not for me?” If so, what was the reason?”

    Very simple: they want to destroy any competition, if necessary by destroying society, just as long as they remain on top. It’s 100 % social darwinism, undistinguishable from pure amoralism.

  38. On a related note, Greta Thunburg is baaaaack. The idea is to build back Greta Betta.

    OK, how is this related? She’s a woman. I watched her in that Star Trek convention clip and noticed that she’s actually very pretty. She approaches the Marsha Brady look even. (“Why is it always Greta, Greta, Greta?!”) As soon as Miss Thunburg gets a boyfriend, this Climate Crisis may be behind us. She may smile more then too, and therefore look even more like Marsha Brady. (Maybe it’s just the hairstyle, I dunno…)

    We’ve let society give women the ability to make really bad choices. That’s from family law, but more basically from a half century (arguable a full one) of feminism in generally. Girls are not able to make these decisions well at the age at which it matters. They can do pretty well at it 20 or 40 years later, when it’s too late though. That’s not good for anybody.

  39. Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    Cause that’s totally how 10-year-old girls talk…

    Am I the only one who just wants to play hopscotch and bake cookies and watch the McLaughlin group? – Lisa Simpson

    • Replies: @e
  40. “Divorce Can Be an Act of Radical Self-Love”

    That’s funny, up until now I thought it was an act motivated by altruism…

  41. Lara and husband Jor-el
    got divorced, and they both think it’s swell.
    But what does their kid
    think about what they did?
    “Me no like!” blubbers baby Kal-el.

    • LOL: Harry Baldwin
    • Replies: @ChrisZ
    , @Jack D
  42. Wilkey says:
    @Dave Pinsen

    At this point if America became a Mormon theocracy it would be little different than the globalist, neofeudalist oligarchy we currently have. Mormon leaders are more focused on fighting for open borders and mass immigration than in family values, procreation, or ending divorce.

    • Agree: Thea
  43. Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    Anyone believe that this is what the ten-year-old actually said? Much less really thought (as opposed to thinking this is what Mommy wanted to hear)?

    I believe that a ten year old actually said these words, but I also believe that Lara Bazelon justified her divorce to her ten year old daughter on multiple prior occasions using the same words.

    Kids know how to work around power – the daughter will sublimate any pain and resentment caused by the divorce of her parents into another PMC approved outlet for attention-seeking behavior: i.e., LGBTQ and sometimes Y identity, cutting/eating disorders (which can themselves be laid at the foot of white Christian Patriarchy), radical feminism, etc.

    • Agree: Abe
  44. @slumber_j

    On a related note in the news today, venomous, stinging lionfish are now being found off the coast of Great Britain. They are a carnivorous, invasive species from the Indo-Pacific. Scientists are wondering how they got to England’s waters.

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/invasive-fish-with-venomous-spines-spotted-in-uk-waters-for-the-first-time/ar-AAP0NrR?ocid=BingNewsSearch

    This is a worldwide, multi-species movement. It isn’t confined to humans, though in most cases it is humans who are facilitating it.

  45. So does that mean daddy has the Bazelon kids? That is what I kind of hear besides some little kid repeating what her self in love mother told her to repeat so that self in love mother feels more in love with herself. Does feminism make all women narcissists?

  46. Neuday says:
    @Art Deco

    This is such an obvious result of inserting women en masse into the workforce while at the same time weakening morality as well as treating women’s rationalizations as sacrosanct that it’s hard to believe it wasn’t planned.

    It’s not at all uncommon for a woman and a man to become friendly at work. They get a chance to see how the other handles pressure, get a measure of integrity, intelligence, humor, empathy, resilience, resourcefulness, etc., and the spouse at home can easily be seen as mediocre in comparison If the man has a bit of power, or the woman a bit of beauty, the impact is enhanced. Over time, the attraction can become difficult to shunt, and the stigma of a married woman cheating on her spouse has weakened tremendously because women can do no wrong. At some point a healthy but morally weak man will offer a hint. In the Bad Old Days the married woman would nearly always decline. Over the past 50 years women will quite often accept. What happens next runs the gamut from Complete Career and Personal Cataclysm to “that was very nice but let’s not do that again” and all points in between.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  47. Catdog says:

    What is the difference between self love and selfishness?

  48. Anon[157] • Disclaimer says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    @ There is an expression in my wife’s homeland: “Priests preach water and drink wine.”

    So, is your wife’s homeland incapable of deeper thought, or is she jewish?

    • Troll: Abe, Buzz Mohawk
    • Replies: @2BR
  49. @Achmed E. Newman

    … Greta Thunburg is baaaaack. The idea is to build back Greta Betta.

    She and Ben Shapiro would make a nice couple. If nobody else sees the logic in this, I am sorry, but I find them both annoying for the same reasons, even though the two people are ostensibly skew.

    They both suddenly appeared in my frame of reference out of nowhere, but with great promotion. That is always suspicious.

    Oh, yes, Ben is married, but now he could just exercise a little self-love, hook up with his soul mate and tour the world with her, pushing their un-asked-for opinions on the rest of us — supported by mass media and the powers that be.

    • Agree: Harry Baldwin
    • Replies: @The Alarmist
  50. Thoughts says:

    Divorce is what people do when they don’t give a rats ass about their kids

  51. @slumber_j

    Did someone mention Diversity?

    • Replies: @Alexander Turok
    , @Muggles
  52. Escher says:

    Divorce is justified only in the case of infidelity, substance abuse, abandonment or spousal abuse.

  53. Jack D says:
    @PhysicistDave

    Although this can probably be filed under “Shit That Didn’t Happen”, a 10 year old is still young enough that they sometimes parrot whatever brainwashing their mothers have given them. The deep resentment comes later when the kid grows up and realizes that she has been the victim of Stockholm Syndrome.

    This is especially true of a child of divorce. Such children have a deep seated fear of abandonment. One parent has disappeared. What is to prevent the other one from disappearing too and now you are going to be abandoned and die because you realize that you are not yet capable of living on your own? The child cannot consciously articulate this but is nevertheless deeply terrified. You realize that you are entirely dependent on this person for your very life so you do whatever it takes to please them. Such kids become very skillful in flattery and manipulation and learn to say stuff that Mommy likes to hear. Later on in life this damages their ability to have normal relationships.

    • Thanks: AnotherDad, Jonathan Mason
    • Replies: @AnotherDad
  54. @eric

    My reaction as well. Progressives seem to believe that words they put in the mouths of children carry extra weight, i.e., Greta T.

  55. Abe says:

    Ms. Bazelon’s grandfather David Bazelon helped set off the great crime wave of the 1960s as head judge of the First (D.C.) Circuit Court of Appeals, the most powerful judicial post not on on the Supreme Court. His best friend was William Brennan, the Svengali of the Warren Court, and Brennan and Bazelon would plot together to tee up cases via Bazelon’s court for the Warren Court.

    Judge Bazelon:

    + Justice Brennan:

    = big dumb Swede Earl Varren [Warren] celebrating with other Supremos after realizing in a dream the death penalty was unconstitutional (and probably racist):

    • Replies: @Abe
  56. @Buzz Mohawk

    I don’t think anyone set out to destroy the working class family. It happened as an unintended consequence of a few of those good intentions that pave the road to hell. Specifically, the impulse to generosity (embodied in the welfare state) and the impulse to stay out of other people’s personal business (ie lay off Hester Prynne).

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
  57. I appreciate Mr. Sailer bringing to our attention the evil afoot here. And it’s important to get these “dispatches from the front” just like they were in Vietnam, Korea etc.

    But, my fellow-Unzers, with all due respect, why waste your energy refuting an argument that is not in good faith, but is merely some tiny group’s military strategy?

    Viz.
    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/09/female-lawyers-sexism-courtroom/565778/

    “I want a Jew lawyer,” a male client once said to me. I told him I was Jewish. “No, a man Jew lawyer,” he responded.

  58. She takes it as a given that “radical self love” is a good thing. I would be embarrassed to write that phrase.

  59. Jack D says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    Her lie about growing up in a time of cultural tropes anti-divorce is ridiculous

    1. Women will do or say anything to rationalize and self-justify their behavior.

    2. To Leftists, the Future is shining and bright – there is always Progress. Therefore, the past is grim and dull by comparison. All of it. A Dark Age before we were properly enlightened to call pregnant women “pregnant people” and so on (this usage has caught on the mainstream literally this week – six months ago it was ridiculous but now it is de rigueur for the NPR crowd. Any who says pregnant women is a reactionary. Why even the great icons like RBG used to say this reactionary stuff in the past, meaning like 2018, that’s how bad the past was). 1971 might as well be 1871 and Mississippi last week is the same as Mississippi 1951.

    • Replies: @LP5
  60. Abe says:
    @Abe

    Ms. Bazelon’s grandfather David Bazelon helped set off the great crime wave of the 1960s as head judge of the First (D.C.) Circuit Court of Appeals, the most powerful judicial post not on on the Supreme Court. His best friend was William Brennan, the Svengali of the Warren Court, and Brennan and Bazelon would plot together to tee up cases via Bazelon’s court for the Warren Court.

    Judge Bazelon:

    + Justice Brennan:

    = big dumb Swede Earl Varren [Warren] celebrating with other Supremos after realizing in a dream the death penalty was unconstitutional (and probably racist):

    .

    • Replies: @Gary in Gramercy
  61. @Achmed E. Newman

    I always thought she looked like a fetal alcohol case, but she seems bright enough, lots of bright people are stupid.

    Still, an opportunity to post this again:

    • Replies: @Achmed E. Newman
  62. fish says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    Lara should just get herself a vibrator.

    Anything to get her hands off the keyboard…….

    • LOL: Kylie, Abe
  63. @Buzz Mohawk

    This fisk looks tropical. If it was found in the waters around the UK then it could be a signal that the Gulf Stream system is collapsing. Expect refugees from northern Europe and Russia. Our new Haitian neighbours will welcome the influx of Nordic women.

    • Replies: @SunBakedSuburb
    , @slumber_j
  64. Jack D says:
    @Arclight

    You say people but it’s largely a woman thing (and especially a black woman thang). It stems from insecurity and the insecurity stems from the fact that on some level you realize that you are a phony who has risen to an undeserved rank and that your are fundamentally living your life in the wrong way. So you construct elaborate self-justifications and rationalizations that say exactly the opposite and you beg for others to affirm your undeserved rank and bad choices and paint anyone who doesn’t as a hair touching villain.

    “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”

  65. Steve, comment stuck in mods again, thanks.

  66. slumber_j says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    Yeah, that’s like importing Somali malitiamen. I think lionfish are supposed to be good eating at least.

    • Replies: @Alfa158
    , @AnotherDad
  67. Romanian says: • Website

    “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    File this under things that never happened lol. Don’t these people feel any shame at putting their ideas in the mouths their kids. You see it on Twitter, too – things to ideological and effed up to have been uttered by a kid get reported by their parents. From the mouths of babes!

    • Agree: R.G. Camara
  68. Romanian says: • Website
    @Buzz Mohawk

    Stunning and brave! They are the real fish of the North Atlantic, not like those mackerel!

    • LOL: Old Prude
  69. peterike says:

    I, for one, am pretty tired of how Jewish neurosis rules the world.

  70. peterike says:

    Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents because their parents love them more than they love their careers. But I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families and since you dumped Dad because you’re a selfish bitch with a savior complex, it’s hard for you to actually devote any time to me. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed, and maybe one of the black thugs your work gets released will rape and kill me, and then you’ll really feel good about yourself because at least that black body was no longer incarcerated by white supremacy.”

    • Thanks: JerseyJeffersonian
  71. Art Deco says:
    @International Jew

    Disagree. No anguish there. She’s embarrassed enough to manufacture jerry-rigged excuses. That suggests that (1) she was the plaintiff and (2) she did not have grounds. Students of the phenomenon offer the observation that among women, divorces happen in clusters as one legitimizes it for the others. I’m gonna guess her friends stayed married and that she’s suffered a loss of status even though she kept her friends. Of course, quoting one of your kids in an op-ed is bad form.

  72. Alfa158 says:
    @slumber_j

    Florida has a huge infestation on it’s coast. They are good eating when handled properly and the state has a program encouraging scuba divers to spear and collect as many as possible for restaurants. Ian McCollum on his Forgotten Weapons YouTube channel did an episode on going to Florida with a diving organization on a hunt. They had specialized plastic tubes you use to safely hold the speared ones while fishing for more. Divers would get up to two dozen of the fish at a time. The program seems to have helped the problem in shallower waters, but the lionfish are very hearty, prolific and still thriving in waters below scuba diving depths, so they are basically eating everything in sight.

    • Thanks: slumber_j
  73. @SunBakedSuburb

    “refugees … influx of Nordic women”

    When the Uber drops off my ex-wife and daughter my porch light will click off.

  74. Tex says:
    @Dave Pinsen

    Lara Bazelon‘s transgressive divorce essays can be interpreted as an attempt to provoke a reactionary response.

    Hey Bazelon, the 1970s called, it wants its controversy back.

  75. Can someone copy and past the text of the second bazelon column, which is behind a paywall?

    • Replies: @Stan Adams
  76. Fox says:

    Did Mrs. Bazelon commit a radical act of self-love, aka egotism or selfishness? Does she feel that it’s better to feel good about something bad, utterly, contemptibly bad which she conceived of, set in motion and executed for self-satisfaction rather than have a bad conscience about it? What’s this name ‘Bazelon’ to boot? It sounds like someone alien introducing and promoting alien ethics.

  77. @Arclight

    The only solution is association and dis-association.

    The only evidence of fight-back by what we’d take to be “the good guys” comes, however, in the form of counter-writing, counter-rhetoric, counter-point.

    From “Conservative, Inc” all the way through TUR – like a checkbox with tick, tick, tick – it’s as if watching the NYT writers say “I am wonderful, my worst vices are goodness that rains freely on you, be grateful, worthless scum” , and rather than walk away and freely associate the writers here take the bait , and – argue.

    The OP is fitting in a way. The psychology is kind like that of a marriage partner in a broken marriage who is not facing down the reality of divorce. But only “kind of like”.

    What the psychology is actually like is so many people I know who continue, post divorce, to engage in on-going argument with their ex-spouses. With the most recent boiling wound festering on their very body, you point right at it and say “you are supposed to stop fighting, ignore him/her, and move on with your life – that person is a total loss to you, it’s a totaled car you leave at the junkyard and never, ever look back or give another calorie to”.

    And they just , don’t , get it.

    Same here. Ditto. Same, exact, thing.

  78. Calling narcissism ‘self love’ might be technically true, but it strikes me as mental masturbation.

    • Replies: @Gary in Gramercy
  79. Divorce has never been an option for me and the Missus. We’ve stayed together through some tough times. We’ve buried parents, friends, and a child. We had a foster care placement which nearly wrecked our marriage. I am not the easiest person to live with and my dear wife definitely got the short end of the marriage stick. Our operating principle has been “divorce no, murder maybe.”

    “Radical self love” indeed. Self love run riot is one of the reasons this country is going down the tubes. We made a vow before God, our families, and friends and this is a vow we do not take lightly. Cutting and running when things get tough is no way to live one’s life.

  80. @International Jew

    … the elite still lives by 1950s values.

    Well, maybe not elites like Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, John Pauson, Prince “Tampon” Charles and his Paedo Brother, etc. etc. etc. The true elites really don’t have to give a damn about casting aside their first wives.

    The only reason we have “normal” families like the Clintons among our lesser elites is because they have so many avenues to channel their deviancies while going through the motions to make it look like they are legitimate paragons of virtue fit to be our leaders.

  81. ChrisZ says:
    @PhysicistDave

    Good point, Dave.

    The obvious fakeness of that quote is her secret confession of what a crappy mom she is. She’s really just using the child as a prop for her own purposes: to make a point that vindicates her self-interested choices. That she recast it in “adult speak” (or more likely fabricated it altogether) suggests resentment that the poor kid couldn’t come up with the “right” point for herself.

    These people have lived a lot of lies in their time—a Bazelon more so than most. I guess that’s the price of admission to being in the class of people who publish their personal lives in the New York Times. But at some level they know that they’re peddling nonsense, and perhaps these little “tells” are their cry for help.

    If that’s the case, then maybe the writer is like a televised political prisoner reading a statement supportive of her jailers, while blinking S-O-S with her eyelids.

  82. @slumber_j

    You should have celebrated your sighting by heading to Graeters at the Square.

    • Replies: @slumber_j
  83. Abe says:

    Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    Normally I’d call this “Sh!t That Never Happened IV: A New Hope”, but I sort of believe her daughter DID say that, as mom is so nominally-functional-yet-bat-sh!t-crazy Bazelon fille probably has 1000 hours worth of political harangues about social justice and racism over the meatloaf and peas under her belt by now (I speak from experience as the loving spouse of a wild-eyed Trump-hater- You can beat a woman, you can even kill her; but the worst thing you could ever do to her is silence her).

    The only question is whether mom and daughter have collaborated (YET) on any idealistic woman lawyer visits the 2 hot Soledad Brothers fan fiction yet-

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fay_Stender

    ( not too ) OT- Ayelet Waldman- aka Mrs. Michael Chabon- recently published the book: A REALLY GOOD DAY: HOW MICRODOSING [with LSD] MADE A MEGA DIFFERENCE IN MY MOOD, MARRIAGE, AND MY LIFE

    I wonder if Michael Chabon secretly fantasizes about moving-in with fellow comic book nerd Ta’Nehisi Coates as two totally non-gay dudes who just really like each other’s company (and occasionally give each other blow-jobs- in a totally non-gay way, of course)

  84. Brutusale says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    Like she doesn’t have one already…on its 5th set of batteries!

  85. @Abe

    The Cliff’s Notes version, by the sui generis Scott Walker:

  86. @Buzz Mohawk

    When we cut off free benefits for single mothers we will see a transformation. That includes things such as affirmative action jobs and sinecures and special privilege’s. There are a precious few women that can do it on their own who are held up as an example but the vast majority will just flounder. Not my kids, not my problem.

  87. @Almost Missouri

    Usually it’s an eight year old who makes a speech like that. Her child seems to be behind the curve, developmentally.

    • LOL: Harry Baldwin, 2BR
  88. When was divorce ever anything but an act of self-love, radical more often than not?

  89. @Buzz Mohawk

    Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

    –Linda Creed

  90. @Jack D

    Although this can probably be filed under “Shit That Didn’t Happen”, a 10 year old is still young enough that they sometimes parrot whatever brainwashing their mothers have given them.

    Bingo.

    What is–almost–funny here, is Lara Bazelon’s over-the-top selfishness.

    — Bazelon dumps hubby out of “self-love”, depriving her daughter of a huge amounts of her father’s time and attention.
    — Bazelon then doesn’t give her daughter enough of her own time and attention because she’s working super-hard on her career of–apparently–anti-white, minoritarian wrecking. Not just a parasite but a super-parasite, attempting to kill the host.
    — Bazelon propagandizes her daughter that her minoritarian wrecking is really, really important.

    and then the capper:
    — Bazelon then publicly cites her ten year old daughter’s parroting of her own self-praising propaganda as evidence of her own wonderfulness.

    “Radical self-love” is spot on.

    • Replies: @Jack D
    , @Anonymous
  91. @slumber_j

    Yeah, that’s like importing Somali malitiamen. I think lionfish are supposed to be good eating at least.

    Hint?

    • Replies: @Colin Wright
  92. Gamecock says:

    There is a billboard for a family law practice on the highway near me. It says”

    “Life is short. Get a divorce.”

  93. @Art Deco

    All of them were initiated by the wife de facto, and, if I’m not mistaken, de jure as well. None of these women had grounds.

    No-fault divorce has been the ruination of the family unit since it was introduced. Please see the works of Philip Greenspun for more information.

    • Agree: YetAnotherAnon
  94. @Thomas

    Correct. The DC Circuit is much more influential, and this was the circuit Bazelon served as Chief Judge.

    • Replies: @Thomas
  95. Currahee says:
    @PhysicistDave

    Of course no one believes this, but remember that the author thinks the goyim are stupid.

  96. @Buzz Mohawk

    Greta is one of those chicks we should insist attend University to the PhD level so that hypergamity has a good chance of preventing her from mating and reproducing.

  97. @International Jew

    “The nuclear family must be destroyed, and people must find better ways of living together…. Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process…. No woman should have to deny herself any opportunities because of her special responsibilities to her children… Families will be finally destroyed only when a revolutionary social and economic organization permits people’s needs for love and security to be met in ways that do not impose divisions of labor, or any external roles, at all.”

    Linda Gordon

    • Agree: Thea
    • Replies: @International Jew
  98. @Buzz Mohawk

    Does her daughter go to Galileo or UCSF?

    • LOL: Buzz Mohawk
  99. J1234 says:

    Marriage and divorce figure prominently in a culture war that’s best characterized by a sort of fortress/prison dichotomy, i.e., many in the West see our culture either as a fortress that protects us…or a prison that must be escaped from. The left essentially takes the prison view, not from a thoughtful or constructive perspective but from an essentially destructive Marxist perspective where everything prior to Marx must be destroyed. They seem to believe (wrongly) that the greatest human failing is staying connected to the past because the past limits our future.

    It would be incorrect, however, to blame our collective marriage and divorce failures entirely on the left. For all of us, culture is both collective security and tedium. Most of us who still feel connected to our culture in a positive way celebrate couples who stay married for for 50 years because we know first hand how emotionally difficult it is to stay married for only 10 or 20 years.

    Many affluent or influential people – of all political stripes – have employed their affluence and influence to escape the marital tedium of a monogamous culture with younger, prettier spouses (or – better yet – maybe no legal spouse at all) with little or no consequences, practically speaking. Millions of ordinary people who are less affluent try to mimic their favorite celebrities’ behaviors, but with far more disastrous results, both personally and collectively. In my view, marriage was the first domino to fall in the culture war back in the 1950’s and ’60’s because it became so accessible and therefore acceptable.

    OTOH, I know many divorced people who have succeeded in their second or even third marriages where they failed in the first. I’ve eventually come to the view that at least people who remarry after a divorce still believe in the institution of marriage. That’s probably better than the alternative.

  100. @PhysicistDave

    ‘Anyone believe that this is what the ten-year-old actually said? Much less really thought (as opposed to thinking this is what Mommy wanted to hear)?’

    You say this as if there’s some contradiction.

    Children naturally quack like ducks. They instinctively say (and try to think) whatever their parents want them to say (and think).

    Are you old enough to remember that whole ‘Day Care Center Molesters’ psychosis? Children all over the country were telling sympathetic, gently probing interviewers that they’d been ‘touched there,’ etc.

    It eventually emerged (after God knows how many ruined lives) that the kids were just saying what they ascertained the interviewers wanted them to say. That’s how kids are. It’s the way the species works.

    • Replies: @HA
    , @PhysicistDave
    , @Wielgus
  101. Bazelon is Jewish. You can go back to the fifties and find more or less the same.

    God forbid women get married, stay married, and raise several children. The horror.

  102. @AnotherDad

    ‘Yeah, that’s like importing Somali malitiamen. I think lionfish are supposed to be good eating at least.’

    ‘Hint?’

    Aren’t Somalis kind of thin and rangy?

    • LOL: AnotherDad
    • Replies: @Buzz Mohawk
  103. anonymous[469] • Disclaimer says:

    And this isn’t even the first time Bazelon has been cited by Steve as putting rather obviously fabricated quotes in her children’s mouth! From June 2019:

    “My [eight-year-old] son was one of the last children to speak. He stood up and, in a clear voice, said: ‘I appreciate my parents for being lawyers because they get people out of jail. This really helps me reflect, do the right thing and have positive role models.’”

    https://www.unz.com/isteve/how-bazelons-raise-more-bazelons/

    • Replies: @Colin Wright
  104. Jack D says:
    @AnotherDad

    “Radical self-love” is the crucifixion seen from the other end of the telescope. Judas engaged in an act of radical self-love when he took the 30 silver coins. Most women are completely lacking in any sense of irony when it comes to themselves. Only someone trained in modern therapeutics could take an act of complete selfishness and turn it into a positive – something that is not only good but virtually obligatory for the subject’s mental health, like getting an abortion.

    • Agree: mc23
  105. @J1234

    Good points- divorce has been a feature of American life for awhile, nothing new and there honestly wasn’t even that much stigma attached to it in the past. My parents and grandparents never divorced, but 2 sets of my great-grandparents did in the 1940s and 1950s. I noticed when perusing through family records that nearly half of my ancestors in the Victorian era through WWI had second marriages due to spousal deaths by the time they were middle-aged by the standards of the time (35-45). I wonder if one of the underlying reasons for divorce becoming acceptable is that the generation of people born circa 1900 lived way longer than their parents on average.

    • Replies: @gcochran
  106. Jack D says:
    @J1234

    I have known several situations where men have married crazy bitches and then later come to regret it, (deeply, especially after they get done getting raped in divorce court which is set up in favor of crazy bitches). From that point, you can either learn your lesson and the next time look for someone sane or else look for another “10” who is also going to turn out to be a crazy bitch. It’s not that beautiful women are insane per se but our society makes them especially nuts.

    • Replies: @Jonathan Mason
  107. @Father Coughlin

    Archie Bunker was a big fan of Jewish lawyers.

  108. Jack D says:
    @Art Deco

    and this tendency is more pronounced among couples with children.

    This depends in part on how much the father is making and what the child support laws are in the state that you live in – these vary widely. If you make a good income and pick the wrong state to live in, you are virtually begging the woman to leave. Some of the child support laws are so generous that the woman would be stupid NOT to kick out her husband and live a life of luxury without having to work and without having to have sex unless you are totally in the mood. (Women almost always get the house – notice in her little screed she mentions FATHERS living in efficiency apartments, not mothers.)

    Women see their friends do it and then their friend gives them the name of their divorce lawyer. Yes, a saint might withstand such temptation but not everyone has the moral character of a saint. Whatever you incentivize you get more of. The Left is going to incentivize us straight to societal oblivion.

    • Thanks: JerseyJeffersonian
    • Replies: @Reg Cæsar
  109. njguy73 says:
    @Thea

    Five words: One Day At A Time.

  110. Art Deco says:
    @Thea

    Minor point: the parents in The Brady Bunch were both widowed. The allusions to the absent father in E.T. were wistful or anguished.

    • Replies: @Jack D
  111. Art Deco says:
    @Neuday

    A quarter of the non-agricultural workforce was female in 1930 and 1/3 was in 1957. Something else going on there.

    • Replies: @Colin Wright
    , @Jack D
  112. if women had penises, 90% of rapes would be committed by women.

  113. Neuday says:

    As I said ” . . .while at the same time weakening morality as well as treating women’s rationalizations as sacrosanct . . .”

  114. Ganderson says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    I grew up in a largely Catholic Midwestern city during the 50s and 60s- divorce was unheard of in my world. It wasn’t until I entered college in the fall of ‘72 that I met anyone who had divorced parents.

    My wife and I got married (still are) in ‘85, shortly before I began teaching in the NYC prep school world- my wife’s family is full of divorce- 2 of her three brothers, most of her first cousins many of her uncles and aunts; divorce divorce, divorce. Don’t know how we dodged that bullet.

    And, as for NYC prep school kids, millions of divorced parents. Of course most of the kids were rich, which cushioned the effects of parents splitting up. In my career as a HS. teacher we used to joke about a kid having “DDD”; Dad Deficit Disorder.

  115. @anonymous

    ‘And this isn’t even the first time Bazelon has been cited by Steve as putting rather obviously fabricated quotes in her children’s mouth! From June 2019…’

    The quotes may not be fabricated. The little victims may feel compelled to move in ideological lock-step with their mother’s wishes.

  116. @Art Deco

    ‘A quarter of the non-agricultural workforce was female in 1930 and 1/3 was in 1957. Something else going on there.’

    Yeah — but the workers may have been more segregated than they are today. All the chicken pluckers were women, but it was men who pulled the chickens out of the coops, etc.

    When I was a kid, firemen were always men, elementary school teachers were always women, and so on.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
    , @Carol
  117. fish says:
    @Anonymous

    I can disagree with none of this.

  118. Ganderson says:
    @Father Coughlin

    Larry David wanted a Jewish lawyer:

    • Replies: @John Johnson
  119. @Achmed E. Newman

    ‘OK, how is this related? She’s a woman. I watched her in that Star Trek convention clip and noticed that she’s actually very pretty. She approaches the Marsha Brady look even. (“Why is it always Greta, Greta, Greta?!”) As soon as Miss Thunburg gets a boyfriend, this Climate Crisis may be behind us. She may smile more then too, and therefore look even more like Marsha Brady. (Maybe it’s just the hairstyle, I dunno…)’

    This sounds like it could be a mildly interesting development. I wonder if we could bamboozle her into doing it somehow. Pregnant, smiling blissfully, looking forward to married life, no longer interested in being a public figure…

    The husband has to be white, of course. Else the whole effect is ruined.

  120. Whiskey says: • Website

    The question about women like Bazelon is why they got married in the first place, if their husbands were so lacking in sexiness that they divorced them the first chance they got?

    The answer is desperation. Bazelon did not have Brad Pitt, nor Tom Brady pursuing her. She did not even have say Kato Kaelin pursuing her. She had instead a normal looking lawyer with normal male attractiveness. She desperately settled for a man who did not generate tingles, and had a perfunctory kid she cares little about (if she loved her daughter she’d have put her first).

    And most upper class women are just like Bazelon. They drive the culture and have created Wokenami that is obliterating everything in pursuit of tingles uber alles.

  121. @Nicholas Stix

    As Tolstoy said, “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” So too, every divorce is good or bad in its own way. For example, if you were married to Ms. Bazelon, divorce might be a very positive development for everyone involved.

  122. slumber_j says:
    @The Alarmist

    Sadly no ice cream this time. In any case I think I may ultimately be more of an Aglamesis guy. Their Oakley store is a classic American retail space, and their product is comparable if not a bit better ever since Graeter’s went national-ish.

    Anyway, the ice cream situation in Cincinnati reminds me of the old housing stock there, of which there’s a ton: it’s exceptionally great because nobody ever bothered to wreck it.

    • Replies: @The Alarmist
  123. Jack D says:
    @Art Deco

    On the other hand, in the past the workforces were more segregated by gender – telephone operators were always women. Telephone linemen were always men. The settings that were most gender mixed (offices, doctor’s offices) did indeed involve a lot of marriage wrecking shenanigans between bosses and secretaries, doctors and nurses, etc.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  124. @The Alarmist

    Not at all. Upper Middle Class neighborhoods like Franklin Lakes in NJ are full of intact families – often the mother is non-working and devotes full time to raising the kids. When they work its something like consulting with flexible hours.

    I sent my kids to a private school in the area and that is what I saw. There was a lower tier of parents where both had full time jobs, generally without enough time to volunteer for the school directing activities and tolerated but never looked up to.

  125. Jack D says:
    @Art Deco

    Widowed father (with only sons) was a fairly common setup for ’60s TV shows (Bonanza, My Three Sons). I guess they felt that there were enough “Ozzie and Harriet” type shows involving married couples and wanted to mix things up a bit. Either that or the writers were gay.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
    , @Reg Cæsar
  126. slumber_j says:
    @SunBakedSuburb

    If it was found in the waters around the UK then it could be a signal that the Gulf Stream system is collapsing.

    If so, Wyndham Lewis and his fellow Vorticists are dancing in their graves or whatever. From their Manifesto (published in April of 1914, thus dooming it to being overtaken by subsequent events):

    BLAST First (from politeness) ENGLAND, CURSE ITS CLIMATE FOR ITS SINS AND INFECTIONS […] A 1000 MILE LONG, 2 KILOMETER Deep BODY OF WATER even, is pushed against us from the Floridas, TO MAKE US MILD.

    Everything’s transitory, man.

  127. 2BR says:

    Too bad her husband could not save her from herself and her obsessions. I am sure he tried, and failed. How much better off this woman would have been – and our country would have been – had her family moved to Israel and not here. I am guessing these impulses of hers would have been channeled religiously, she would have 6 kids and she would be happy without “improving” anything.

  128. @J1234

    I’ve eventually come to the view that at least people who remarry after a divorce still believe in the institution of marriage. That’s probably better than the alternative.

    Someone who divorces their partner without cause (as opposed to being the victim) and remarries does not “believe in the institution of marriage.” They believe in romantic relationships, maybe in having children, but certainly not in marriage.

  129. Anon[414] • Disclaimer says:
    @Anonymous

    As the American middle-class gets poorer, divorce is going to become more financially penalizing. There’s going to come a day in which families will find it hard to keep a roof over their head without marriage. Too many people are sliding down the economic ladder as it is right now.

    Secondly, the future generations will mostly be the products of intact marriages. Divorced people average fewer or no children than ones who stay married. This means future generations will be more psychologically healthy than fat girls with tats and piercings.

    • Replies: @Reg Cæsar
  130. Roger says:

    Jews have very different ideas about marriage and family. For the most part, they reject Christian family values. We should not expert Jews to follow Christian marriage norms.

    • Replies: @Steve Sailer
    , @kaganovitch
  131. @dearieme

    I believe in the holy spirit: bourbon, although I have recently discovered rye.

    Something is no doubt lost in translation, both linguistically and culturally, but the meaning is obvious. I could just as easily say, in English, that elite leaders anyplace preach Toyotas but drive Mercedes-Benzes.

    Which reminds me of the time I watched a group of Romanian Orthodox priests get out of a couple of black, late-model, clean Mercedes SEL sedans, in full, black, mystical garb, and waltz into the city’s most expensive and luxurious restaurant — for lunch. I just happened to be walking by. Maybe this kind of thing is more obvious in the Old World.

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
    , @mc23
  132. 2BR says:
    @Anon

    It’s a German expression:

    Wasser predigen und Wein trinken

    • Thanks: Buzz Mohawk
  133. Art Deco says:
    @Jack D

    If you have a look at BLS stats, you’ll notice that there are wide swaths of the work force with very few women and wide swaths with very few men. The primary change in occupational compositions since 1957 has been in the professional-managerial segment of the workforce, not in any other segment. However, it is true that the share of the population working in construction and heavy manufacturing has declined a great deal, so you have more juxtaposition in workplaces.

    The settings that were most gender mixed (offices, doctor’s offices) did indeed involve a lot of marriage wrecking shenanigans between bosses and secretaries, doctors and nurses, etc.

    Not really. In 1957, the attrition rate of extant marriages was such you could expect about 20% to end in divorce. Then as now it was more prevalent among childless couples. You had all kinds of stressors — the drink, domestic violence, trouble with in-laws. And then, as now, marriages were more fragile among wage-earners than among the bourgeoisie.

  134. As is common in these kinds of articles, the woman implies that both partners want to get divorced and that the stumbling block to doing so is “what’s best for the kids.” But she never says it explicitly and if you read between the lines it’s consistent with her being the only one who wanted it:

    Sometimes during the final months of my marriage, I wavered. Maybe if I quit my long-distance job and found a position closer to home even if I did not particularly care for it, we could hold on. Perhaps I could work part time, join the P.T.A. at my son’s school and start cooking dinner. I fervently wanted to save my marriage and give my children an intact family. And I had been taught that divorce was a terrible thing, to be avoided at all costs.

    There’s the usual false choice between getting divorced and having loud screaming matches:

    Long frosty silences, screaming matches and unrelenting tension between parents can inflict damage to the well-being of their children.

    Plus, there’s the notion that the author grew up in a cultural environment intolerant of divorce, is now among a small minority of people who disagree, and only came around to the idea shortly before the marriage ended:

    I used to believe that divorce is a terrible thing, particularly when children are involved. Growing up, I absorbed cultural tropes about absent fathers in efficiency apartments, mothers struggling to support themselves, and awful stepparents and unwanted stepsiblings. To this day, divorce is portrayed as precarious and grim. Parents whose marriages break apart are made to feel they have failed catastrophically. Divorce is shameful, traumatic and Bad For The Kids.

    Partly BS, but here’s the truthful part of it: I’m reasonably certain she was saying these things on her way to the altar. There have been a few honorable exceptions, people who get married and modify the vows to reflect the new “until I’m not happy anymore” zeitgeist. But in general they know men won’t marry women with that kind of attitude. So the former student radical “changes her mind” around age 29, and then “changes” it again five years later. What they want is not to be “left alone” by society, it’s to be wolves in sheep’s clothing without being called out on it.

    • Agree: JerseyJeffersonian
  135. Wency says:
    @Achmed E. Newman

    She’s autistic, good chance she goes lesbian or NB or FtM. Probably never gets married or has all that long-term of a boyfriend.

    As for looks, she’s alright. If she were a friend’s tradwife, we’d all say, “Yeah, he did alright.” She does cultivate a natural look that could be appealing if only it actually meant she were trad. She really doesn’t look like FAS to me as some say, I think it’s just her weird expressions due probably to autism, but e.g. her philtrum looks pretty normal to me when you can find her making a neutral expression.

  136. @Hangnail Hans

    I’m sure that’s where the gays will feel safest, right next to migrants.

    • LOL: Hangnail Hans
    • Replies: @JohnnyWalker123
  137. I gave up self-love because I didn’t want to grow hair on my palms.

    #70 Peterike. Very good, sir.

  138. Art Deco says:
    @Jack D

    Or they had a vision of the storylines which would have been complicated by the presence of a mother.

    In the realm of comedy, see Jackie Gleason’s two rules for The Honeymooners: no children and no telephone. He thought that if you had either of these the writers would be inexorably drawn to plots centered on the kid and to dialogue over the phone. He wanted neither. (Gleason and Art Carney had children at the time). Bob Newhart (Catholic father of four) also resisted giving his character children in his television comedy, as he thought the writers would be drawn to making his character the family’s ever-forgiven buffoon; supporting characters also lacked children as a rule.

    • Thanks: Johann Ricke
    • Replies: @Thea
  139. Wency says:

    Ms. Bazelon’s grandfather David Bazelon helped set off the great crime wave of the 1960s as head judge of the First (D.C.) Circuit Court of Appeals, the most powerful judicial post not on on the Supreme Court.

    Thanks for this tidbit, Steve.

    The work that Lara Bazelon is on that’s more important than her family is apparently exonerating criminals. I thought Steve would be the one here with the facts if one of these criminals murder-raped a whole family. The fact I’m not hearing about it means it probably hasn’t happened yet, but I’ll go on the record and say I’m pretty confident someone she gets off the hook is going to commit a shockingly horrific crime before all is said and done.

    She’ll feel no remorse though. The unique talent of the criminal lawyer is to be able to say, “Well, I just did my part as his advocate” and sleep like a baby at night as 99% of his life’s work serves only to enable and excuse evil.

  140. @Roger

    The Jewish divorce rate isn’t very high.

    • Agree: Carol
    • Replies: @Mike Tre
    , @JimB
    , @ChrisZ
    , @epebble
  141. @Buzz Mohawk

    I believe that Scotch is by far the best whiskey.
    Especially Macallan or Highland Park

    • Replies: @Brutusale
  142. Mike Tre says:
    @Anonymous

    “Besides these points, marriage has become godless and often childless. If you’re not gonna have kids, why get married? ”

    So homos can double up on health insurance to pay for all of the expensive consequences of their aggressive buggery.

  143. Mike Tre says:
    @Steve Sailer

    Kinda like how the immigration rate isn’t very high in Israel. Funny, that.

    • Replies: @Ghost of Bull Moose
  144. Ed Case says:
    @Anonymous

    If her name is on the deed, you’re fucked.
    The only way thru is to own the house.
    When she gets too big for her boots, you can tell her to leave with the kids and borrow against the house to pay the settlement.
    Then hop back into the ring for Round Two with another madwoman.

  145. JimB says:
    @Redneck farmer

    When her daughter grows up, I suspect she won’t be that close to Mom.

    If her daughter grows up. But I suspect she will never become so alienated from her mother that she can’t ask her for money.

  146. JimB says:
    @Steve Sailer

    That may be true in the Orthodox Jewish community where a woman must receive permission to remarry from her ex-husband but the divorce rate for reform Jews is about the same as the general population.

  147. mc23 says:

    Anyone who has been married for a long time, especially with kids, can emphatically state that marriage is not an act of radical self love.

    You hear about people having a child to help strengthen their marriage. I tell young couples that their marriage is their first child.

    • Replies: @Anon
  148. ChrisZ says:
    @the one they call Desanex

    You never cease to amaze, Des. I consider myself a connoisseur of early Superman lore, yet I’ve never seen that cover. I guess I’ll have to hit eBay this weekend.

    I realize your limerick is intended as an “imaginary” take on the marriage of Superman’s natural parents. But for the record, they were an extremely devoted couple. When Krypton’s destruction was imminent, Jor-El’s only thought was to rescue his wife and son; he revealed that had secretly built his prototype escape rocket to accommodate both of them. Lara, for her part, insisted on remaining behind to die with her husband, to give their child the best chance of survival. The classic image of the Els clinging to each other, tracing the ascent of Kal-El’s rocket through tear-filled eyes, while their world crumbles all around them, is surely one of the most poignant scenes in all of comics. It’s an icon of parental love and sacrifice, keyed to a child’s delicate understanding.

  149. @Colin Wright

    E. Michael Jones take on Greta Therber is hilarious. Her mother is a celebrity opera singer so their family drama is covered in the gossip press. Jones claims the child was absolutely normal until puberty hit the boys in her class and they started behaving like animals (normal pubescent boys) at which point Greta developed three dozen different symptoms of psychiatric disorders.

  150. prosa123 says:
    @Dave Pinsen

    Everybody loves Mormons and everyone hates Muslims, but I’ve known many of each and almost without exception the Muslims have been much nicer people.

    • Agree: Dan Hayes
  151. @Colin Wright

    Aren’t Somalis kind of thin and rangy?

    They are an acquired taste, like Wyoming antelope or grass-fed beef.

    From experience, from what hunting friends have given me, the former is OK but gamey.

    The latter is overrated and too lean.

    • Replies: @Colin Wright
  152. prosa123 says:

    Naked Japanese girls peeing in a floor toilet. Wish it were in my gaping mouth instead!
    https://motherless.com/0147E4D

    • Troll: ScarletNumber
    • Replies: @SafeNow
    , @J.Ross
  153. @Whiskey

    Whiskey – you will just love love love this story, sad though it be. Not since the Guardian’s Decca Aitkenhead dropped boring hubby for a black coke dealer has their been such a walking Whiskey post as the late Anna Reed.

    https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/bouncer-marc-schatzle-jailed-18-years-killing-anna-reed-b958411.html

    A nightclub bouncer has been sentenced to 18 years in prison for killing his British heiress girlfriend.

    Marc Schatzle, 32, strangled Anna Reed, 22, with a towel in the couple’s luxury hotel room on the shores of Lake Maggiore in Switzerland.

    The court heard that Ms Reed, from a prominent horse-racing family, had lavished almost £50,000 on Schatzle in their three-month relationship.

    But on April 9, 2019 when she threatened to leave him, he killed her.

    Schatzle, a heavily-tattooed German body builder and father-of-two, had tried to claim he accidentally suffocated Ms Reed during sex. During his trial, Schatzle tried to convince the court that the pair had embarked on a sex game that “ended badly”.

    “Anna loved it when I choked her,” he said.

    Schatzle, 32, was born in Jestetten in Baden-Württemberg, south west Germany.

    Thick-set with a shaven-head, he has menacing facial tattoos and his knuckles bear the initials FTW (F*** The World).

    Arrogant and selfish, he claimed to have slept with hundreds of women over the years.

  154. mc23 says:
    @Buzz Mohawk

    There’s an apocryphal saying attributed to St. Athanasius in the 4th century that The floor to hell is paved with the skulls of priests.”

    I had a friend, very religious, who wanted to be priest. Lets just say chastity was not his thing so he decided he wanted to be an orthodox priest. Apparently only unmarried clergy can be bishops. Somewhere in the process he found out that many, maybe most of the bishops were queer and that they only promoted their boy toys.

    Caused a crisis of faith. I lost track of him but apparently he ended up becoming a married orthodox priest down the road.

    • Replies: @Flip
  155. In any mentally normal & mature society, divorce is, theoretically, not desirable- but, frequently the only solution.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
    , @Liza
  156. Divorced women are another branch of the Sad Girls Club, along with women who aborted children out of ‘self love.’ Misery loves company.

  157. SafeNow says:
    @prosa123

    When I saw this comment, at first I scratched my head, and wondered “a new low?” But now I see the metaphor. Sorry for the delay; I wasn’t the best student in those lit. courses.

  158. @The Alarmist

    Prince “Tampon” Charles and his Paedo Brother,

    He failed to use the hoverhand.

    https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/hover-hand

    • Replies: @The Alarmist
  159. @ChrisZ

    Bazelons are always jailers, never prisoners.

  160. J.Ross says:
    @Nicholas Stix

    About a year ago on NPR there was an Indian scumbag advocating for the complete abandonment of formal education because after all kids could just randomly look stuff up on Google.
    Every day, without shame or much thought, “poisoned sweets.”

  161. @Nicholas Stix

    This article belongs in the same bird cage as all those ‘Why I’m Glad I had an Abortion’ pieces.

  162. @Hapalong Cassidy

    Most of the “most recommended” comments are quite approving of the writer’s thesis but there’s one that’s critical.

    “As a child of divorce I caution the writer not to look to a ten year old for confirmation that choices her parents made were good and in her interest. It made me shiver to think of the child even being asked.”

    As is the case at the NYT, the comments are heavily moderated, pre-selected to support the writer’s point of view. The comments section also has the usual patronizing and odious “Times Picks” selections, badges of ideological approval by the paper. The New York Times’ comments section seems to become available only when the editors seem to feel a need to employ a tool for training the readership in right-think about any article.

    • Replies: @HA
    , @Hhsiii
  163. J.Ross says:
    @prosa123

    Aha, Steve has posted a new post, time to dive in with an off-topic comment without first having the courtesy to read the —

    KORE WA NAN’ DES’KA?!

  164. HA says:
    @Colin Wright

    Are you old enough to remember that whole ‘Day Care Center Molesters’ psychosis?

    Not so coincidentally, the child molestation ‘industry’ owes a big debt to the EZ-serve divorce industry — specifically, all those new boyfriends, “uncles”, and elder stepsiblings that get introduced into a child’s life as a result, not to mention the resultant extra hours spent with daycare and with babysitters (whether or not they diabolically serving up clientele to Chuck Norris’s pedo dungeons, as some alleged during the day-care Satanic panic). All that increases the odds that something bad will happen somewhere along the way.

    It’s something to consider the next time someone wants to tell you there’d be less child molestation if there were fewer Catholics and Catholic priests around, given that Catholicism is pretty much the only institution in the modern world that has consistently stood against divorce. (Come to think of it, they frown on other forms of “self-love”, too.) I’m not saying that there are not plenty of priests and their bishops who acted atrociously with regard to child rape, but to the extent that they wound up being scapegoats, I suspect that’s simply because a lot of the rest of society is doing a lot of projecting.

  165. ChrisZ says:
    @Steve Sailer

    How high is the Jewish divorce *lawyer* rate?

    😉

    • Replies: @Ganderson
  166. HA says:
    @PiltdownMan

    “It made me shiver to think of the child even being asked.”

    The homosexual-parent surveys get around this thorny problem by simply relying on self-assessments from parents themselves. Such surveys generally find the kids are all just fine. Above average, even.

    It’s surprising, really, given all the brutal and relentless discrimination that they face from the het-normative types, but who am I to ask questions?

    For example, in 2005, the American Psychological Association (APA) issued an official brief on lesbian and gay parenting, which included this assertion: “Not a single study has found children of lesbian and gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents”

    However, a 2012 research study of the APA Brief…stated that this strong assertion made by the APA was not empirically warranted. Twenty-six of 59 APA studies on same-sex parenting had no heterosexual comparison groups… single mothers were often used as the heterosexual comparison group. In none of the 59 published studies were the definitive claims substantiated….

    Two major studies, published by Gartrell and Bos (2010) and Biblarz and Stacey (2010), are often cited by gay activists and extensively in the media. These studies claim that no psychological damage occurs to children who were deliberately deprived of the benefits of gender complementarity in a home with a father and a mother. The article by Gartrell and Bos relies solely on self-reports of the lesbian mothers who were aware of the political agenda behind the study.

    Fitzgibbons had better watch his back, having ruffled the wrong kind of feathers.

    • Thanks: Bill Jones
  167. @prosa123

    That hasn’t been my experience, but tbf, most women would be happier under an Islamic theocracy too.

    • Disagree: Corvinus
  168. @Ganderson

    That was actually a pretty funny episode.

    He finds a Jewish lawyer but gets a much worse deal.

  169. Because what could be better than “self love”?

  170. @prosa123

    Everybody loves Mormons and everyone hates Muslims, but I’ve known many of each and almost without exception the Muslims have been much nicer people.

    Mormons are nice in person but no one likes doing business with them.

    If you are not Mormon they will try to take every penny they can from you and without any regard for Christian morality.

    They resent having to do business with anyone outside the club and will think nothing of leaving you dry.

    I had heard about how small businesses will make excuses to not work with them even if they have money. I thought it sounded like an awful stereotype until I was connected to a Mormon business through a relative.

    RUN. JUST RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.

  171. Art Deco says:
    @Colin Wright

    About 90% of all elementary schoolteachers are female as we speak. I was in elementary school 50 years ago. One administrator, a couple of gym teachers, a music teacher, and one classroom teacher (who was turfed out after a couple of years). Rest dames.

    Nearly all firefighters are male as well. The courts have to insist on gender-norming performance scores to get any dames at all.

  172. @JMcG

    She probably has vibrators lying around like Dirty Harry kept his pistols. In the refrigerator, the sock drawer, etc.

    Coming up on NPR we interview a progressive professor that divorces, discovers vibrators, then writes a book about how being a guiltless whore is actually ideal.

  173. @ChrisZ

    Those late-fifties/early-sixties Superman comics were a lot of fun. Good drawing, too (that cover was by Curt Swan, I think inked by George Klein.)

    • Replies: @ChrisZ
  174. @Whiskey

    Kato Kaelin

    Huh. There’s a name we haven’t heard for a while. He was semi-famous for, like, 15 minutes back in 1995.

  175. Thomas says:
    @ScarletNumber

    Not to be overly pedantic, but I’m not sure how readily degrees of influence between courts can be proportionally ranked (as opposed to ordinally ranked) in the way you suggest. (Maybe one could by the number of decisions that are cited by other courts?) The DC Circuit is the second most influential court after the US Supreme Court because it has jurisdiction over a large caseload of administrative law cases coming out of all the agencies located in DC, and for the more prosaic reason that it just happens to be located in DC, where most of the rest of the federal government is, and so its judges rub elbows with Supreme Court justices and a lot of other powerful people. The position of Chief Judge of a Circuit also rotates among the Circuit Judges. It’s not a specifically appointed and confirmed position in the way Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is.

  176. @Thomas

    Also, parties/presidents have for a long while appointed their future S.C. picks on the D.C. circuit, both to give them “appellate experience” and also to keep a watchful eye on them to make sure they’re kosher. Then, afterwards, if they don’t get the nod, the failed S.C. picks are expected to resign, despite having life tenure, so that the party/president has a spot to put another hopeful.

    Robert Bork being a famous example.

  177. Thomas says:
    @Thomas

    The different circuits sometimes are known to produce a lot of decisions related to particular areas or influenced by particular reasoning, either because of the jurisdiction they cover or influential judges who’ve sat there. The Second Circuit has always gotten a lot of securities and financial cases (thanks to Wall Street). The Fifth Circuit gets a lot of criminal and voting rights cases (and used to get a lot of civil rights cases). The Seventh Circuit was one a hotbed of law and economics jurisprudence thanks to Judges Posner and Easterbrook. The Tenth Circuit gets a lot of Indian law and Bureau of Land Management cases. The Ninth Circuit tends to get a lot of cases wrong.

    • Troll: ScarletNumber
  178. @ChrisZ

    Münchausen by proxy comes to mind.

  179. Flip says:
    @mc23

    I knew a Catholic priest who switched to being an Episcopal priest so he could get married.

  180. @Alexander Turok

    If only he had thought to give her rabbit ears.

  181. @slumber_j

    Aglamesis is great, but a bit of a hike ….

  182. @Thomas

    Not to be overly pedantic

    Yet you are proceeding to be.

    I’m not sure how readily degrees of influence between courts can be proportionally ranked

    The DC Circuit is the second most influential court after the US Supreme Court

    Make up your mind.

    • Replies: @Thomas
  183. @The Alarmist

    Well, at least it’s sex with someone she loves.

    • Replies: @John Johnson
  184. Shel100 says:
    @eric

    Actually she said being raped by a black man but Carter knew he couldn’t use that.

  185. Thomas says:
    @ScarletNumber

    Find another pedant to explain the difference between proportional and ordinal comparison to you. This one is tapped out for the week.

    • Troll: ScarletNumber
  186. @John Shade

    Yes, and I’ll even throw in a link to my YouTube video mocking Whiskey.

    [MORE]

    First, the column:

    Happy families are not all alike.

    Picture this one. A mother and father sit on a beach on the Fourth of July with their two children, a boy, 6, and a girl, 4.

    The parents are just on the other side of 40, still relatively young, still relatively attractive. Their children are beautiful: hazel-eyed, tawny and sparkling with precocious intelligence. They revel in the simple joys of sand and saltwater, wading into ocean waves that roll up in green cylinders before melting into white froth.

    The parents bury the children up to their necks in the sand. They offer them apple slices when they are hungry and watch as they run off to play in a driftwood house. There are long periods of companionable silence. The sky is brilliantly, achingly blue.

    The scene I am describing is not fiction, and neither is it a single spark culled from an ash heap. Over the course of the five-day vacation, many similar scenes unspool in varying forms but with unvarying equanimity. The family hums along smoothly, splashing in the community pool, eating scrambled eggs and cheering as the fuzzy television shows the United States women’s soccer team winning the World Cup.

    There are no harsh words, no frosty silences, no recriminations. When the mother and father are alone with each other, there is quiet conversation about work and school and camp, about what to make for dinner. There is even, occasionally, shared laughter.

    The mother and father do not fight over the laundry. They do not fight over money. They do not fight over their marriage. There is no laundry or money or marriage to fight over. Not anymore.

    Until this Fourth of July family vacation, the mother and father had not slept under the same roof in 18 months. The ink on their no-contest judgment of marital dissolution still felt fresh to them.

    But they decided to take their two small children on a vacation together, to a beach house on an isolated stretch of bluffs in Northern California, and it is a happy one.

    This is my story. I am the mother. It’s the story of my family.

    I grew up in a loving but undeniably hard-charging and overachieving environment, a world of moral absolutes: good/bad, success/failure, right/wrong. The worst thing you could do in my house was lie; the second worst was quit. Losing was acceptable (sort of). But quitting? Never.

    “A promise is a promise, and it must be kept,” my grandmother always said. More pointedly, my father would often remind us, “If you say you’re going to do something, you do it.”

    Commitments that proved unexpectedly burdensome, even verging on impossible, were treated like a five-set tennis match at Wimbledon: It was imperative to play every point, staying focused and determined to the bitter end.

    When my marriage, always troubled, took a sickening final turn, I faced a choice of two evils: spend my life lying — to myself, to the outside world and, worst of all, to my children — or quit. I took the second-worst choice, or at least that’s the way it seemed at the time.

    Advertisement

    Continue reading the main story
    There was no template for what was happening to my young family; not one of my three sisters or any of my close friends had gone through a divorce. Looking at other “broken” families, I saw only what I emphatically did not want: years of zero-sum warfare waged in courtrooms and on soccer fields, no child’s rite of passage immune from the parents’ bitterness and hostility.

    In the first weeks and months after the separation, I felt all of that and more. I was sad and scared and ashamed, but mostly I was angry. I went to bed full of loathing, relieved to finally be able to indulge my true feelings after hours of pretending — at work, while making small talk with the not-separated parents at day care pickup — that everything was fine.

    A trial lawyer by training, I fantasized about getting my former spouse on the witness stand and skewering him. I had virtual exhibit books of his exact quotes, of pictures I had painted that he would not be able to explain away.

    You said this, didn’t you? You did that, didn’t you? Isn’t that right?

    I was right. Always in my script, I was right.

    My ex-husband and I did not treat each other well during our short marriage. We were unable to make the other feel safe, loved and appreciated. In hard times, we turned on each other. There was plenty of finger-pointing and grudge-holding, and very little benefit of the doubt.

    Our last year together was the loneliest of my life. At times, often when I was walking somewhere on a routine errand, sheer misery would make the world spin and I would have to sit down until the dizziness and nausea went away.

    And yet, we had been in love with each other once, fiercely and absolutely. Yes, our son and daughter were the children of divorce, but they were conceived in a love that was passionate and tender. They were innocent. They deserved better than a childhood spent bearing witness to our worst selves.

    And so, we have remade our family, slowly, in fitful starts, with many setbacks. Day by day we struggle to do separately what we could not do together: raise smart, thoughtful, decent kids by extending support and encouragement — to each other.

    It is a lot easier, I have found, to be fully present for the mosaic of magical moments, tantrums and corrosive boredom that is child-rearing if my brain isn’t thrumming with anger or anxiety, my mouth permanently twisted in a grimace of feigned forbearance.

    In the beginning, I braced myself for the inevitable questions my children would ask, determined to be honest no matter how brutal the truth. I practiced saying the words, “Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other anymore.”

    Then I woke up one day and realized it wasn’t true. There was love, an abundance of it; we just had to respect and accept that it was not the love of happily ever after. No, we would not be celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary, or even our sixth, but we would always be celebrating our children and the physical and emotional bond that brought them into being.

    As it turns out, the world of moral absolutes is ill-suited to divorce. It isn’t a question of good/bad, success/failure, right/wrong. It is a recognition that what existed is irretrievably broken and that something else must be built in its place.

    The decision to end a marriage is not about quitting; it is about letting go of one relationship in exchange for another. The equation isn’t love/not love. Divorce, at its best, is a love reborn — birthed from heartache and rage and despair and ultimately, forgiveness — that creates a different kind of family.

    I suggested the Fourth of July family vacation with trepidation. I was surprised, and then a little scared, when my ex-husband agreed to go. Part of me had been hoping he would dismiss the idea outright by telling me I was insane.

    It was a little insane: all that time away, just the four of us. Especially given that the majority of our married vacations had been disasters, loud arguments followed by days of wrathful silence.

    Most of those days, I felt ill, my stomach tied up in knots. On one of the last vacations, in Maine, the skin under my wedding ring became red and irritated, then swollen tight, shiny with infection.

    This time, we were careful and considerate and respectful. We talked. We planned ahead. We evenly divided the meals, the bath times, the downtimes, and yes, the bedrooms. The children talked about the trip for days beforehand and afterward. Throughout, they were nearly wild with happiness.

    It went so well (I am not kidding) that my ex-husband suggested that we stay an extra day. And we did.

    The last night was particularly stunning. The setting sun streaked gold bars across the sky and made the gnarled trees glow. The ocean darkened and seemed to still. We sat silently beside each other in wide wooden chairs on the deck, cradling glasses of red wine and taking it all in.

    Inside, our children shrieked and laughed, chasing each other around the living room. Six months ago, six weeks ago, it could not have happened. But somehow, together, we had made it to this improbable other side.

    Happy families are not all alike. Some are fractured and misshapen. To appreciate them, you have to adjust your line of sight, your level of expectation. They have seams and scars. But they are beautiful, still, in their odd imperfect way.

    That night out on the deck on our Fourth of July vacation, my ex-husband turned to look at me. “I think I’m having a moment of transcendence,” he said.

    There was a lump in my throat. I closed my eyes and swallowed it.

    Now, my video:

    • LOL: Kylie
    • Replies: @Kylie
  187. Shel100 says:

    It’s only self-love when the woman initiates the divorce.If the man leaves his wife he’s a horrible pig and deadbeat.

    • Agree: fish
  188. @prosa123

    ‘Everybody loves Mormons and everyone hates Muslims, but I’ve known many of each and almost without exception the Muslims have been much nicer people.’

    Maybe. In principle, the two groups are remarkably similar.

    • Replies: @Ian M.
  189. @Gary in Gramercy

    Say what you want about bitter liberal middle age White women but they throw keggers that are OFF THE HOOK.

  190. e says:
    @Alexander Turok

    Pretty? Every time I see her, her mouth is twisted and her brows are furrowed.

    A kid that angry is not pretty at all.

    Actually, I think her face is asymmetrical, a trait that usually doesn’t wind up with a pretty woman or a handsome man.

  191. CCG says:
    @slumber_j

    (((George Rau Jr.))) was the son of (((Irma Mendelssohn))) and stepson of (((Fred Lazarus III))). His stepfather may also have been a distant cousin of (((Emma Lazarus))).

  192. @Dave Pinsen

    If America became a Mormon theocracy I suspect most American women would be privately thrilled (many enjoy the Mormon mommy blogs).

    Well, they were the first church to push for women’s suffrage. Wyoming gets all the publicity, but Utah’s women actually voted before theirs.

  193. Pathetic.
    A meme before memes were memetic.

    Fetch me an emetic.

  194. Anonymous[252] • Disclaimer says:
    @Art Deco

    Molly Ringwald has the excuse that her 1st marriage was childless

    Why is that a legitimate excuse?

  195. Anonymous[417] • Disclaimer says:

    Steve Sailer:

    “Bazelon: Divorce Can be an Act of Radical Self-Love”

    No, it’s all about getting Chad Thundercock. Even the middle-aged sluts now realize that marrying a Betabux to pay her way(while she bangs Chad) on the side was a bad deal. The government is now sending checks to women, and now a Stavy doesn’t even needs to marry some nerd dweeb to Betabux him into paying her rent, because all a woman need to do now is to accuse a man of raping her and the courts will settle in her favor. She doesn’t even need to have evidence of eyewittness: just saying she feels “harrassed” by some ugly dweeb immediately means the sap has to pay for the whore just to stay out of jail.

    These middle-aged trollop are looking with envy to the thots of the new generation, who can get Chad directly while getting some old man to pay their bills by just posing in a bikini for them without the old fart even getting to touch them. They now realize what a bad deal they got having married the nerd and having his kidws. No wonder so many women are not accusing their ex-husbands of “rape”. Yeah, they feel “raped” because they allowed some Betabux to have sex with them because they felt this was the only way to get money, since Chad didn’t want them. Now they realize that they can just strip online and a bunch of old idiots will send them check without them even having to be touched by them, while they openly show shots of their pussy online to draw the top 1% of Chad. Older women realize this, and what a bad deal they got marrying the I.T idiot for his steady paycheck which wasn’t necessary. The fact that they are now 40 and no old man is willing to pay to watch them strip, and no 20 something Chad wants their old hag ass, they feel enraged, and take out on their former nerd Betabuxed husband, for “wasting” their youth being “raped” by some unattraftive 5’6 dweeb and having his genetically inferior children.

    We truly live in the age of women’s dream fantasy come true: have all your bills taken care by the State or by old perverts, be free to bang the top 1% of Chads and mock the 99% of males that back in 1960 they would have to date or go alone in a cruel World where women’s provisioning was not guaranteed. It’s not wonder that all rational civilization consider capping women’s access to the top 1% of males their absolote priority.

    Steve Sailer is a hypocrite of enormous proportions. He complains that average men are not marrying, not having kids, while he goes after liberals when all the top men hogging all the women are conservative: from the Mormon patriarchs having multiple wives, to billionaires like Trump marrying multiple women, to NFL jocks having multiple wives and mistresses on the side, over his life, all conservative men!!! Are those polygamous Mormons Democratic voters? No. He knows that some of the biggest Republican donors are frat boys/jock types that have been married and divorced several times. Hey, Steven, why don’t you call them out?

    Frat boy Chads are only part of the problem. The dissemination of visual media, government paychecks to women, rich old sugar daddies paying the bills of young thot sluts making average-looking young men with no money redundant, etc.

    This is what girls have degenerated into 2021. But don’t even bother messaging these thots if you are a nerd, a dweeb, a creepy/ugly looking guy: they will block you and report you to the cops for harrassment. They whore themselves to the top 1% of Chads. You gota be at least 6’3, chiseled chin, strong jaw, hunter’s eyes, and a thundercock.

    • Agree: Rockford Tyson
    • LOL: Clyde
    • Replies: @Stan Adams
  196. Anonymous[252] • Disclaimer says:
    @AnotherDad

    she’s working super-hard on her career of–apparently–anti-white, minoritarian wrecking. Not just a parasite but a super-parasite, attempting to kill the host.

    An effective way to destroy another group is to destroy its mechanisms of reproduction.

  197. Anon[208] • Disclaimer says:

    Bazelon has a law degree. On the way to getting that degree, she absorbed the idea that she was supposed to learn how to be good at arguing and debate, and what’s more, to be successful at law she was supposed to win those arguments all the time. That’s what a lawyer gets paid for, and how they’re valued by society.

    But it’s no way to run a marriage. In a marriage, you compromise all the time. A lawyer is taught how to fight to the very end. I’m positive Bazelon has a rocky marriage because she’s driving her husband nuts with her constant arguing and last-wording, and when she loses, she suffers agonies of ego and think she needs to get divorced. For Bazelon, marriage is like being stuck in court forever, constantly arguing with the other lawyer, and she’s beginning to feel trapped and weary. The real problem is her ego.

  198. I was the father in the studio/efficiency apartment, paying my rent, my mortgage, my car payment, her car payment, alimony and child support. Surprised more divorced men don’t off themselves, I know I considered it. Radical self love indeed.

  199. @Anonymous

    Marry a career woman who makes good money. Then if she divorces you, she pays you alimony.

  200. Anonymous[234] • Disclaimer says:
    @Art Deco

    All of the men in question are satisfactory earners, none has a drinking problem, none use street drugs, none were cheating

    Oh, come on, you can’t be this naive! There is never a marriage without at least some cheating and men cheat considerably more. Which does require some women to be lot more available than average, validating common stereotypes.

  201. Anon[110] • Disclaimer says:
    @mc23

    Anyone who has been married for a long time, especially with kids, can emphatically state that marriage is not an act of radical self love.

    Could you explain? What is it then?

    You hear about people having a child to help strengthen their marriage. I tell young couples that their marriage is their first child.

    Please explain this one, too. What are you trying to communicate to these young couples?

    • Replies: @YetAnotherAnon
  202. Anonymous[110] • Disclaimer says:
    @Bardon Kaldian

    In any mentally normal & mature society, divorce is, theoretically, not desirable- but, frequently the only solution.

    How so?

    • Replies: @Bardon Kaldian
  203. Kylie says:
    @Stan Adams

    Lol!

    Great choice of the clip of maneating Joan Crawford as a dual threat, chanteuse and hoofer!

    • Replies: @Stan Adams
  204. @epochehusserl

    When I said “anyone” I might have overlooked a few scattered nobodies.

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
  205. Aaa, the only reason people get married, live together, stay together is money. They can’t afford to live apart. Used to be only the woman could not afford to live apart. Ergo–alimony. Now both work and neither can afford to live apart because, you know, lack of money.

    So, people only live together because of money. Moneymoneymoney. Makes the world go round.

    There is, though, an exception. Old people, who, even if they can afford to live apart, need someone hanging around to call the ambulance.

    • Replies: @John Johnson
  206. Hhsiii says:
    @PiltdownMan

    A lot of the comments are critical.

  207. @Anonymous

    If you need to ask- no answer would be enough.

  208. @Kylie

    Thanks. I was hoping you’d pick up on that.

    [MORE]

    Those yawns were genuine, by the way. I was ready to drop dead when I got home. My mother had an appointment this afternoon and I had to wheel her around quite a bit. She’s not exactly light.

    She had a cancer scare recently. That crisis has passed, but she has other chronic issues to deal with.

    I had to watch my grandmother decline and now I’m watching my mother go downhill, as well. It’s very depressing.

    Mom has always been a mess, but now she’s at the point where her mobility is deteriorating. She stopped driving shortly before the Coronapocalypse, so I have to take her out if she wants to go somewhere. I try to get most of her groceries delivered. She gets five free meals a week from an elder organization, so that’s a plus.

    So far, I’m not detecting any serious cognitive issues. (Psychological issues, yes, but there’s nothing new about that.)

    Grandma did very well until she turned 80. She fell off a cliff around 83, but lingered on to 91. The person I visited on her birthday a month before her death was almost completely unrecognizable as the person I grew up with. Her mind died years before her body finally gave out.

    My mother is just about 70. I’m not optimistic that she’ll make it to 80, let alone 90. But something tells me that she’ll probably still be herself when she does go.

    • Replies: @Kylie
  209. Art Deco says:

    We have one person here who fancies the only reason people marry is to pool living expenses and another who fancies all marriages are riven with adultery. Betwixt’ and between the usual crank crew.

    • Agree: JMcG
  210. @YetAnotherAnon

    If that was you last time, I appreciated it. I give a big H/T to commenter Adam Smith (not the Scottish economist, but he may play one on TV) for this one – from here:

    • Thanks: Adam Smith
  211. @Jack D

    Most of this is true. The divorce law in Florida is particularly egregiously bad, given that Florida has a legislature with a shoot from the hip mentality to legislation, where they frequently legislate without thinking things through.

    One particularly bad aspect of divorce laws is that states give themselves the unmitigated right to dissolve contracts that were originally undertaken in different jurisdictions. By taking up residence in a particular state, you may be involuntarily putting your entire family in jeopardy.

    I feel that they should be some sort of duty of notification when any person takes out a driver’s license in a new state, they should be warned that in so doing they make themselves liable to the divorce laws of that state and may wish to negotiate a late prenuptial agreement in another jurisdiction before proceeding any further with the process.

  212. @PhysicistDave

    There are kids in New Yorker cartoons that talk like that…

  213. @Anon

    I tell young couples that their marriage is their first child.

    Please explain this one, too. What are you trying to communicate to these young couples?

    This.

    A new love is like a newborn child
    Tender and sweet
    And in need of care;
    Precious indeed is the love we share
    Like a newborn child
    Like a tiny baby
    ’til it grows up strong
    You lullaby a new love
    With a happy song
    Because a new love is like a newborn child
    Cherish and guard it
    And hold it close;
    Give it your heart
    And just pray it grows
    And grows
    To be something pure
    Something grand
    Something heaven must have planned
    Like a tiny newborn child
    Like a lovely newborn child

    • Replies: @Anon
  214. @Anonymous

    I remember Howard Stern saying that guys who earn \$100k or less are the ones who really should be getting prenups, because a divorce like you described will financially ruin them. If a man making \$60k a year (before taxes) now has to give up his house, but still pay for it, pay alimony/child support, rent an apartment in order to have visitation rights, maintain an automobile, and feed himself, he can’t afford it. On the flip side, a guy who’s worth \$10 million and has to give his wife half, while it’s a large financial hit, can still live well on \$5 million dollars.

    • Agree: Jonathan Mason
  215. ChrisZ says:
    @the one they call Desanex

    Cover artwork by Curt Swan, indeed, Des. And I agree entirely about the late ‘50s-early ’60s period of Superman stories. In retrospect it was the most creative and imaginative era for the character, and Swan will always be *the* Superman artist to me. There’s something charming in his drawings of the hero with the build of a boxer or wrestler slightly past his prime.

  216. Ralph L says:
    @Thomas

    Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

    The correct title is Chief Justice of the United States.
    /overly pedantic

    • Agree: Thomas
  217. Blodgie says:

    Disclaimer is about the only commenter on this subject who knows anything about the topic

    The cluelessness of Tradcons when it comes to women is astonishing

    They simply lack the requisite experience to understand the topic and still seem to think we live in a pre-sexual revolution society

    This is a foreign language to them

    • Disagree: YetAnotherAnon
  218. LP5 says:
    @Jack D

    Use the word Solipsism in mixed company and find out quickly that you are now being watched and reported.

  219. anon[240] • Disclaimer says:
    @ChrisZ

    Cover artwork by Curt Swan, indeed, Des. And I agree entirely about the late ‘50s-early ’60s period of Superman stories. In retrospect it was the most creative and imaginative era for the character, and Swan will always be *the* Superman artist to me.

    Was Swan Jewish?

  220. @Anon

    As the American middle-class gets poorer, divorce is going to become more financially penalizing.

    A Somaliman with some knowledge of the subject told the Minneapolis Star Tribune a summer or two ago that his city was the most successful part of the Somali diaspora, but it also had the highest rate of family breakup. The two phenomena have to be connected.

  221. @Jack D

    If you make a good income and pick the wrong state to live in, you are virtually begging the woman to leave.

    How much difference do community property laws make? That’s a Southwestern thing, inherited from Mexico. But the ABA pushed the concept in the 1950s, and one state bit, Wisconsin.

    Cheeseheads aren’t all that different from people in the surrounding states. They could serve as a test case.

  222. “Recently I asked my daughter, now 10, how she felt. She told me: “Some of my friends spend more time with their parents, but I have to give you a lot of credit because those kids are in two-parent families. Our criminal justice system is horrible and messed up, and you are trying to help it get fixed.”

    Ten years old and already forming concepts like a full fledged graduate student? Not buying it. Ten yr olds simply don’t speak like this, no matter the educational level (unless of course she’s a prodigy in the Kathryn Paige Harden mold). It also reeks too much of self-justification for her decision to tear apart her family. Either that, or it’s a rationalization for why she was dumped for her ex’s younger trophy wife.

    Radical Self-Love = Self-ishness

  223. @Jack D

    Widowed father (with only sons) was a fairly common setup for ’60s TV shows (Bonanza, My Three Sons).

    The Courtship of Eddie’s Father. (Eddie’s friend was played by Jodie Foster, whose tough-girl act was still cute at seven.) Julia was a black widow.

    There were a lot of widows and widowers on sitcoms in the late ’60s. One Day at a Time was probably the first with a divorcée. That was radical for TV at the time. A detective could have an ex-wife, though. And Felix and Oscar.

    Disney did The Parent Trap, based on a German novel, but that was quite anti-divorce.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  224. @International Jew

    It will be useful to give one or two additional illustrations of the Mutilated Beggar Principle.

    Feminist Marilyn French, while rejoicing over women’s new- found liberation, complains of some of the economic problems accompanying it:

    Old codes of marriage, divorce, sexuality, and child rearing have broken down, but the consequences of this breakdown have been mixed.

    Here are the good things resulting from the breakdown of the “old codes,” meaning the patriarchal sexual constitution:

    People can escape from unhappy marriages, they can use their sexuality as they choose on the whole.

    And here are the bad things:

    At the same time, men are displaying an irresponsibility about their children that is equivalent in self-hatred to terrorist murder–for are not our children expressions of ourselves? Women and children are the new poor, and a growing class.

    It is “good” that women can escape from their marriages and be promiscuous (“use their sexuality as they choose”); but this wrecking of the marriage contract, which deprives the man of legitimate children, takes away his motivation for supporting Mom and her kids–for “our” children means Mom’s children, taken away from Dad. Strange reasoning, this, which ignores the obvious causal connection between the breakdown of the sexual constitution, women’s escape from marriage and their using their sexuality as they choose (“good” things) and the male rolelessness resulting from this female de-regulation. Why should a man be condemned and compared to a terrorist murderer for no longer performing a role of which he has been deprived? Why is it not rather the irresponsibility of the woman or the divorce court judge which is to be condemned for exiling the children’s provider? This is like disbanding the fire and police departments and blaming them for not putting out fires and preventing robberies, like refusing to pay the rent and blaming the landlord for expelling his tenants, like placing children in the father’s custody and blaming Mom for not coming to his home to do his laundry, mop his floors and prepare his meals.

    • Thanks: 3g4me, Hangnail Hans
    • Replies: @Jack D
    , @Art Deco
    , @AnotherDad
  225. @anon

    You got me wondering, so I looked it up: No, Swan was from Minneapolis, and his name was a shortened, Americanized version of Svensson; mother’s maiden name Hanson.

    Not everybody in comics in the 40s, 50s and 60s was Jewish. The phenomenally successful Jack Davis was a non-Jew from Atlanta.

    • Replies: @ChrisZ
  226. @Buffalo Joe

    I was the father in the studio/efficiency apartment, paying my rent, my mortgage, my car payment, her car payment, alimony and child support. Surprised more divorced men don’t off themselves, I know I considered it. Radical self love indeed.

    “off themselves”?

    Before that one would think “just run”. Or complete passive resistance. “I’ll support my kids as much as i’m allowed to have them.” They go after your wages–quit. Take jobs working for cash.

    More than “off themselves”, I’m surprised more ex-wives, lawyers, family-court judges don’t end up dead. These people basically go in and destroy a guy’s life–his relationship with his own children–and then make him a slave. I’d be “pissed”.

    • Agree: 3g4me
  227. ChrisZ says:
    @anon

    Curt Swan was a Swede from Minnesota.

  228. @ChrisZ

    There’s something charming in his drawings of the hero with the build of a boxer or wrestler slightly past his prime.

    I know what you mean. I think all the Superman artists drew him with a very thick waist—not flabby, but thick and solid. Wayne Boring was very good, too, and Kurt Schaffenberger did a fine job on Lois Lane.

  229. Jack D says:
    @the one they call Desanex

    Why does Superbaby talk like he is Asian? “Me so mad.”

    Why does he have blue hair?

    Where does he get his new Superman outfits as he grows?

  230. Jack D says:
    @AnotherDad

    They did away with debtor’s prison in the 19th century but they still have it for divorced men who refuse to pay. It’s called “contempt of court”. If you don’t do what the judge orders you to do, they can put you in jail.

  231. Jack D says:
    @epochehusserl

    I think you’re jumping to conclusions about paternity. Nowadays with DNA testing it’s easy to know whether your children are really your children. Now the laws are such that even if they aren’t your children the courts may make you pay anyway, but there are plenty of divorces where there is no “failure of paternity” even if the mother screws around later. So the two are not as closely linked as you imply. Legally (and ethically) if their mother screws around the children have done nothing wrong and still deserve their father’s love and support. Of course our legal system is only concerned about the (financial) support end and in fact gives the mother a financial incentive to alienate the children from their father’s love.

  232. Art Deco says:
    @Reg Cæsar

    Jodie Foster only appeared in five episodes.

    The Vivian Vance character in Lucille Ball’s 3d sitcom (1962-68) was a divorcée, but they didn’t make much if it if memory serves.

    That was radical for TV at the time.

    I think you mean it was unusual for a prime time sitcom. All kinds of dirt on afternoon soap operas. I seem to recall the medical dramas of the time had a certain amount of gamy content.

    • Replies: @Reg Cæsar
  233. @Jack D

    You know-it-all answer man. Me got you stumped? Me glad!

  234. Art Deco says:
    @epochehusserl

    At the same time, men are displaying an irresponsibility about their children that is equivalent in self-hatred to terrorist murder–for are not our children expressions of ourselves? Women and children are the new poor, and a growing class.

    [eyeroll]. Again, fathers are more likely to be pushed out than to check out. That was true 50 years ago as well. With illegitimate children it’s more ambiguous, but you still have a certain number of such births which were contrived paternity traps and a certain number where the father was shoo’d away.

    And the ‘feminization of poverty’ discourse was largely bunkum

    • Replies: @Hangnail Hans
  235. Kylie says:
    @Stan Adams

    I wish I could tell you that watching an older person decline is not as hard as you’re finding it, that you just aren’t looking at it the right way. But it is hard. There’s no way around it. The most you can do to make it easy on yourself is what you’re already doing–helping her with daily life. So you won’t have a lot of regrets later about not helping her. Whether or not you’re ever able to make any kind of peace with her*, you will be at peace with your own conscience.

    *To my utter astonishment and quite out of the blue at a family gathering, about ten years before he died, my father apologized for beating us when we were kids. He said, “I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you kids.” That was it. But it was unprompted and sincere. It was something, at any rate.

    • Thanks: YetAnotherAnon
  236. @Anonymous

    In any event, and being as blame neutral as possible: the correct construction of a “life long” commitment is not to architect it such that by its very design it incentivizes one or both parties to blow it up. Crazy that this is not already the case.

    Good comment 178. Lots of good stuff in your comment including the above. You should grab a proper moniker.

    My take has been that very basic concept of “incentives” just seems to be something that whooshes by modern “liberals” and “good thinkers”, except that when it comes time to punish “bad thinkers” they clearly do understand it perfectly with their outing, deplatforming and getting people fired.

    So it clearly is not that they really do not understand incentives. Rather it is that “minorities”–which laughably includes women–are virtuous and oppressed and in fact should not be incentivized toward proper civilized (non-criminal, non-parasitic, non-destructive) behavior. That’s “punishing the victim”.

    I.e. they can understand incentives, they simply delight in precisely the destruction of the norms of Western Christian civilization.

  237. @Art Deco

    All of them were initiated by the wife de facto, and, if I’m not mistaken, de jure as well. None of these women had grounds.

    Civilization requires both men and women to rein in behaviors that were adaptive 50,000 years ago, but which are not conducive to providing the social stability and high investment in children required to sustain a civilization.

    The civilizationally destructive behaviors that men are inclined to are all still considered bad, uncivilized and, of course, often against the law. (In fact, new not particularly important man-crimes have been added.)

    But with feminism, the civilizationally destructive behaviors women are inclined to are now … liberation! Not even looked down upon but to be celebrated as a acts of “self-love”.

    • Replies: @3g4me
    , @Anon
    , @John Johnson
  238. Muggles says:
    @Hangnail Hans

    So just to make all of the newly minted German Muslims feel safe, will he be adding a “judenfrei” parking section?

    A friend was wondering…

  239. 2BR says:
    @ChrisZ

    The scene certainly made an impression on me. Superman comics were the first fiction I read for pleasure in the mid to late 60s, about up to age 10. My parents did not like me reading them (I got them from my older brothers of course) but I’m not sure why. The vocabulary was perfectly fine, the characters had morals, the drawn bodies were not grotesque, as in later comics. No sex. I remember one of the ones I read, when in the future, Superman lost his powers because technology had made him useless to society, and psychologically he could not adjust. I found it very poignant and I was no older than 9. The comics were certainly better than the PC stuff they are using to brainwash the 6-9 year olds today. Anyway thanks for the reminder.

    • Thanks: ChrisZ
  240. Muggles says:
    @Father Coughlin

    I was once working at a client’s office where the VP was fond of making anti Jewish comments at times.

    When he was being questioned for his (proven) stealing from the company, he made sure he was represented by a Jewish law firm.

    (No, didn’t help…)

  241. @epochehusserl

    Good comment, epochehusserl.

    However, it would have been easier to follow if you’d blockquoted Marylin French’s words, to clearly separate them from your rebuttal. (Ron’s commenting system is the best i’ve seen and his providing the one click blockquote tag/feature is part of its excellence. Great work Ron!)

    Excellent rebuttal, outlining of the core issue.

    BTW let me offer a summary thought. I’m all for women–all people–choosing their path and being responsible for themselves. (Though i don’t think communities/nations have to tolerate all paths “in house”.) But modern feminism is not that.

    Modern feminism is the demand that men continue to support and provide for women–give them comfortable lives–regardless of what women do for men.

    (The old style mutual responsibilities and benefits of marriage, tossed in favor of sexual socialism/redistributionism. Or more accurately sexual feudalism with women as the nobility, men as the serfs.)

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
  242. @AnotherDad

    Can you still just take off and join a foreign legion somewhere? Is Armenia recruiting? Because giving 75% of my take-home pay to some skank who dumped me would make that very appealing.

  243. anon[406] • Disclaimer says:
    @Achmed E. Newman

    If the girl attends a public or private school in San Francisco or any other Bay Area County that’s exactly the way she talks. It’s what her teachers and school computers have told her since she was 5. Schools don’t use text books any more. Not only is it too expensive to purchase entirely new books every year to keep up with the current propaganda line, but the publishers can’t revise the books every few months.

  244. Nachum says:
    @PhysicistDave

    In Steve’s previous article on Bazelon’s kids, from 2019, she does the same thing with her son. She was tense or something to see what he’d say…and whaddya know, he spoke about how great his neglectful parents are for getting people out of prison!

  245. Anon[366] • Disclaimer says:
    @AnotherDad

    Think of this as a great experiment. Can Western civilization toss overboard the family as its basic unit and remain civilized? Science and the State (especially the State) have made this experiment possible. By 2014 only five OECD countries – Greece, Israel, Japan, South Korea and Turkey – were the proportions of births out of wedlock below 10 percent. Greece is now over 10% but no one has children there anyway. France is over 60%.
    And add in divorce to this? Children will now grow up in one parent homes. What an experiment. Personally I think it is driving in part the self destructive insanities we are seeing now.

    https://www.statista.com/chart/amp/13668/where-babies-are-born-outside-of-marriage/

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
  246. ChrisZ says:
    @the one they call Desanex

    Jack Davis was not Jewish? I had no idea.

    You amaze me again, Des.

  247. @Anonymous

    Being a creepy dweeb myself, I’ve expended a great deal of time and energy on taking a semi-flattering selfie without resorting to Photoshop. Sometimes I get pretty close.

    [MORE]

    How do I do it? By making a video and then taking a screenshot of the best moment.

  248. @obwandiyag

    Aaa, the only reason people get married, live together, stay together is money. They can’t afford to live apart. Used to be only the woman could not afford to live apart. Ergo–alimony. Now both work and neither can afford to live apart because, you know, lack of money.

    Yikes the bitterness cracked my monitor.

    So our resident defender of status quo race denial doesn’t have a love interest?

    Geez that is sad. You do all this voluntary defending of clown town and yet some lib female near you is probably banging a Republican.

    I hope you at least have a cushy office job.

    • Replies: @Hangnail Hans
  249. @Blodgie

    The cluelessness of Tradcons when it comes to women is astonishing

    When it comes to women? I take offense to that statement.

    That would it imply that they have a clue somewhere.

    It’s a very offensive insinuation. I am definitely triggered.

  250. @Thea

    Mrs. Doubtfire, Allen Strange, Boy Meets World, Cruel Intentions, the OC, 90210. The list goes on and on….

    If you watched TV or movies during the 80s&90s era, it was common to see teen characters whose lives were upended by painful divorces.

  251. @Alexander Turok

    Tons of migrants are gay. “Down low” sex is super common in the Middle East, especially among Afghans. You just don’t want to be openly gay.

    Watch this.

  252. @AnotherDad

    But with feminism, the civilizationally destructive behaviors women are inclined to are now … liberation! Not even looked down upon but to be celebrated as a acts of “self-love”.

    Oh it’s even worse than that.

    (White) Men are expected to suppress their natural masculinity and become genderless slaves to the state while women can reject them entirely for being too submissive or effeminate. The only rule is that women can’t state this honestly and to be fair most of them aren’t even conscious that all of this happens. I saw this when I worked with liberal women. They would probably swear it was merely by chance that they didn’t date any of the liberal men at the office….and believe it.

    I once came across a liberal activist in college who complained to me about how her boyfriend was a dedicated Republican.

    So you hate Republicans so much that you sleep with one?

    I do believe however that we are living in peak stupidity. Once more studies come out about men and women the gender denying egalitarian will concede major ground. We will return to letting men be men and stop pretending that women are men with boobs.

  253. Thea says:
    @Art Deco

    Isn’t there some rule in Hollywood, “Never work with children or animals “

  254. Anon[110] • Disclaimer says:
    @YetAnotherAnon

    Because a new love is like a newborn child
    Cherish and guard it
    And hold it close;
    Give it your heart
    And just pray it grows
    And grows
    To be something pure
    Something grand
    Something heaven must have planned

    Thank you.

  255. @Anonymous

    Good comment.

    Another marriage disincentive is that gangster-law firms are financially incentivized to break up marriages so that they can get their share of the marital estate, which can often be a large percentage of the marital estate if they manage to spin the proceedings out for a long time instead of doing their job properly.

    One of the biggest problems of life in the United States is that attorneys have no culture of ethical standards and no independent supervisory body, so that it is incredibly difficult for members of the public to bring complaints against attorneys and have them acted upon.

    When attorneys do get caught misbehaving, they tend to get a tiny slap on the wrist, rather than losing their license to practice public law in all 50 states for life, which would be fair and reasonable.

  256. @AnotherDad

    I knew one lower working class guy who was actually jailed for non-payment … and was murdered in prison. Fat lot of good jailing him did for anyone in the former family.

    Quitting your job doesn’t get you off the hook. Having a job that doesn’t pay enough to make the payments the judge last decided you should make doesn’t get you off the hook. Nothing gets you off the hook. There is no mercy.

  257. @Art Deco

    All kinds of dirt on afternoon soap operas. I seem to recall the medical dramas of the time had a certain amount of gamy content.

    Exactly. Shows that kids would never sit through. To this day, I can’t watch a program over 30 minutes. (Except a documentary– you might learn something.)

    Jodie Foster only appeared in five episodes.

    That’s still a high percentage! Her scenes are unforgettable, and highly prescient. Like this “don’t hit girls” one, about a rule that was hijacked and distorted but never really went away.

    The theme song, “Best Friend”, was written and sung by John Lennon’s best friend.

    [MORE]

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  258. Bazelon: Divorce Can be an Act of Radical Self-Love

    Question is, can it be anything else?

  259. @Anonymous

    No-fault divorce favors the side that wants out. That is true with any contract. White always has the advantage in chess. I am a divorced, not a lawyer. but this is what is generally referred to as ‘bargaining under the shadow of the law’. In the past with at-fault divorce the side that wanted out paid the price. Now it favors the side that strikes first. 70 – 75 % of divorces are filed by women and men still pay over 90% of alimony.

    Until this is fixed, expect men to avoid marrying.

    What has to change are several things; a marriage 3.0 as Dalrock would say:

    1. De-c0uple custody from child support. We don’t do this to women but for some reason beat men over the head with it. A huge number of out of wedlock children are born to black men who are 17-25 and do not have two thin dimes to rub together and never will. This is the extreme example but nothing would help these children more than having a father around. OK, they have no money but their children still want them.

    2. Make marriage a contract. When I have a business deal with someone else we draw up the stipulation of what happens in the even of dissolution. It is the exact same thing as a pre-nup except we are not fucking each other (well at least physically). The verbal religious part about “until death do us apart” is beautiful but does not hold up in a court of law. I don’t want to be tied to a boat anchor.

    3. We need laws for paternity fraud. It is in both the father’s interest and the state’s but not mommy’s. Rather than pay child support, the state should just take a blood sample in the delivery room and assess the interested parties. Granted, you cannot get blood out of a turnip but that is tough shit.

  260. J.Ross says:

    “Suicide can be an act of radical self-love when gentiles do it.”

  261. J.Ross says:
    @Buffalo Joe

    but why aren’t young people getting married it’s video games isn’t it

  262. @Colin Wright

    Colin Wright asked me:

    Are you old enough to remember that whole ‘Day Care Center Molesters’ psychosis?

    Yeah.

    Colin also wrote:

    Children naturally quack like ducks. They instinctively say (and try to think) whatever their parents want them to say (and think).

    I didn’t, and I found it odd that some kids do.

    I was a very trusting child, and so it took me longer than most to figure out that grown-ups were being less than truthful about, say, Santa Claus.

    Maybe because I myself was obsessively truthful. This caused some, rather humorous, family conflicts when my parents would tell me to lie to smooth over some social situation and I just would not do so.

    Of course, I grasped that it was okay to lie in dealing with evil people — thieves, etc. But to lie to people who were not malevolent just to smooth over social interactions?

    No, I did not buy that then and I do not buy it now.

    Needless to say, this colors my attitude to religion, politics, and a host of other matters.

    • Replies: @epebble
  263. Liza says:
    @Bardon Kaldian

    If your spouse has become unsuitable, you can live apart. You don’t have to get a divorce. Those are two different things. If you are still young and want to have children (by getting remarried), then a divorce is of course the only way to go.

    Divorce is for people who are not really monogamous at all – they want to be polygamous, only serially instead of the way the old order Mormons do it.

  264. Wielgus says:
    @Colin Wright

    I’ve never been able to work up to hating her, unlike some commentators. She is obviously some sort of media or establishment dupe.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  265. Wielgus says:
    @Colin Wright

    There was a similar phenomenon in the UK, Satanic abuse of children etc. It turned out to be the same nonsense.

    • Thanks: Colin Wright
  266. Ganderson says:
    @ChrisZ

    I know that this is an extremely small sample size, but east coast divorce lawyer to the stars Raoul Felder and his wife Myrna have been married for 50+ years. Full disclosure- I taught their son in high school- one of the cleverest and funniest kids I ever taught. His speech in the school-wide speech contest was called “ The Incredible World of Sea Monkeys”.

    Fun fact: Felder’s brother Jerome (aka Doc Pomus) wrote a number of enduring pop songs- “Save the Last Dance for Me”, “This Magic Moment” , “Viva Las Vegas” (check out Shawn Colvin’s version on the Doc Pomus tribute album), and my personal favorite, “Lonely Avenue” (best version, IMHO is Jerry Garcia and Merl Saunders’)

  267. Ganderson says:
    @epebble

    Is there any info about divorce rates among academics? My eyeballs tell me here in my college town that it’s higher than average, but I don’t really know. Anyone? Bueller…

    • Replies: @epebble
  268. “Divorce Can be an Act of Radical Self-Love”

    This used to be part of the case against divorce.

    Morality is so topsy-turvy now that up is down, bad is good, etc.

  269. Art Deco says:
    @Reg Cæsar

    That’s still a high percentage! Her scenes are unforgettable, and highly prescient.

    If you say so. I’d forgotten about her character completely and had to look it up. I thought you’d confused that series with the film Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, in which she plays a role much like you describe.

  270. Art Deco says:
    @Wielgus

    The criminals are her mother and father for allowing her to be used this way. (If I’m not mistaken, she’s on the autism spectrum).

    • Replies: @Wielgus
  271. @Art Deco

    Again, fathers are more likely to be pushed out than to check out.

    That’s white fathers. Edmund was referring to black fathers.

  272. @John Johnson

    Government job. So it’s cushy, and it’s lifetime employment, and it’s not hard and it pays well and the bennies are stellar. Lots of vacation time, every holiday known to man, and you never have to work evenings and weekends. Heck you hardly ever have to work at all!

    But it’s also soul-crushing, though in the present case that may not represent a substantial risk.

    • Replies: @Anon
  273. Anon[228] • Disclaimer says:
    @Hangnail Hans

    But it’s also soul-crushing, though in the present case that may not represent a substantial risk.

    What is soul crushing about it?

  274. @Buffalo Joe

    Peter has some words of advice:

    • LOL: Achmed E. Newman
  275. Carol says:
    @Colin Wright

    In the mid fifties had quite a few young male teachers who had gone to school on the GI bill. Though they probably ended up in admin.

    Much later I had a professor in that age group who said it had been his farm-boy dream to have a job where he could wear a white shirt.

  276. Heck you hardly ever have to work at all!

    But it’s also soul-crushing, though in the present case that may not represent a substantial risk.

    From what I have seen about half the people in any given workplace would be fine with doing absolutely nothing. They see a job as a place you have to be from 9 to 5 and the less work the better. I’m sure they dream of having a slow paced government job.

  277. @Prof. Woland

    We need laws for paternity fraud. It is in both the father’s interest and the state’s but not mommy’s. Rather than pay child support, the state should just take a blood sample in the delivery room and assess the interested parties. Granted, you cannot get blood out of a turnip but that is tough shit.

    Seems like common sense but liberals and especially leftists have actually opposed paternity tests.

    They want to hook the responsible stepdad (that they know will be White in most cases) rather than have the state chase down some loser.

    In some states it actually doesn’t matter if you took a paternity test. They will assign fatherhood if you have been in the same house as the child. Sounds insane but is the norm for some West/East coast states. The state basically says you are the daddy even if you didn’t make it.

    But the real motive is that leftists don’t want to slow the welfare state. If Black women had to paternity test at the hospital and there was a corresponding database from prisoners then the state would be overwhelmed by trying to track down all the Black fathers. The women wouldn’t be able to just declare an unknown father and get a check. That is really what worries the left and why the ACLU gets involved when there is any discussion of DNA database.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  278. @Anon

    Think of this as a great experiment. Can Western civilization toss overboard the family as its basic unit and remain civilized? Science and the State (especially the State) have made this experiment possible.
    ———————-
    I would say that it cannot. We can already see the mass shootings, collapsing birth rate and an inability to control the borders

  279. epebble says:
    @Ganderson

    Anecdotally, you may be seeing an anomalous situation. Generally, divorce rates show a sharp drop off when going from Some college or associate’s degree to Bachelor’s degree or higher

    https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2013/article/marriage-and-divorce-patterns-by-gender-race-and-educational-attainment.htm

    Since most of the academics tend to be in the latter cohort, if anything, more towards the “or higher” subgroup, it should be less, generally.

    • Replies: @Ganderson
  280. epebble says:
    @PhysicistDave

    But to lie to people who were not malevolent just to smooth over social interactions?

    No, I did not buy that then and I do not buy it now.

    Needless to say, this colors my attitude to religion, politics, and a host of other matters.

    Are you Dr. Sheldon Cooper BS, MS, MA, PhD, and ScD (theoretical physicist at Caltech)?

  281. @Mike Tre

    It’s extremely high. It’s just highly selective, too.

  282. Anon[332] • Disclaimer says:
    @R.G. Camara

    “Only a female?” For real? Her opinion sounds like what Gaugin is supposed to have said when he left his hearth and home for immortality and artistic achievement in the South Pacific, and the zeitgeist has generally admired such men. Many men have also acted the same way and prior to the late 20th c., far more likely to than now perhaps. But laws and customs have their effect, so men are more wary of divorce now. Monetary consequences have more to do with averting divorce than anything, providing the couple are not in danger of damaging each other.

  283. @Roger

    Jews have very different ideas about marriage and family. For the most part, they reject Christian family values. We should not expert Jews to follow Christian marriage norms.

    Emily Bazelon is very far from a practicing Jew. Fwiw among Orthodox Jews the divorce rate is very very low. In all my years in Yeshiva, there was often not a single student with divorced parents in Yeshiva. Sometimes one, once two. Never more than two in student bodies of 100-200 students.

  284. gcochran says:
    @S. Anonyia

    They didn’t live way longer – most of the change in life expectancy came from a decrease in child mortality.

    • Replies: @Wielgus
    , @Art Deco
  285. Wielgus says:
    @Art Deco

    Autism? I’m not surprised, although I suspect half the Internet of being somewhere on the spectrum.
    I think “Tintin” is one of her middle names. That has to be child cruelty in itself…

  286. Wielgus says:
    @gcochran

    That’s my impression, although deaths in childbirth were frequent and often killed both mother and child.
    Yes, you got people making it to 80, 90 or even 100 in the past, but at the other end far more people died before they reached their first year.

  287. Art Deco says:
    @John Johnson

    If Black women had to paternity test at the hospital and there was a corresponding database from prisoners then the state would be overwhelmed by trying to track down all the Black fathers. The women wouldn’t be able to just declare an unknown father and get a check.

    Less than 4% of the black population lives in households collecting TANF. We can check the granular rules, but I don’t think eligibility for TANF is contingent on the precise identity of the sire.

    • Replies: @John Johnson
  288. Art Deco says:
    @gcochran

    Most, not all. Persons who have reach the age of 65 as we speak have a life expectancy about 4 years greater than was the case for persons reaching that age in 1970. One of the curios of the last 50 years is that old-age mortality rates actually have been declining.

    Note, we’re all descended from people who lived to an age where they could bear children. I look at my own family tree and I see scads of people dying in middle age or early old age; either I’m healthier or I’m on borrowed time. Into the 1970s, it didn’t surprise you all that much when a person of your acquaintance aged 45 or so died of a heart attack as a certain number of people just did. And you knew no one who’d lived past 90.

  289. Brutusale says:
    @epochehusserl

    It used to be. Bourbon has exploded over the past 5-7 years, and the variety of flavor profiles created by varying the mash bills makes it more versatile than scotch.

    • Replies: @epochehusserl
  290. @Art Deco

    Less than 4% of the black population lives in households collecting TANF. We can check the granular rules, but I don’t think eligibility for TANF is contingent on the precise identity of the sire.

    TANF is supposed to be temporary assistance and is not the only form of welfare.

    No there isn’t a requirement that the father be named and I was saying that liberals want to keep it that way. The idea has been proposed in the past by Republicans and the liberal establishment rushed to defend welfare women that supposedly can’t remember who knocked them up.

    Maybe you are unaware of the practice which is that women on welfare game the system by not naming the dad. Using the state to go after the dad only works if he has money.

    • Replies: @Art Deco
  291. @Blodgie

    “Disclaimer” is not a nickname, you idiot.

  292. Art Deco says:
    @John Johnson

    TANF is supposed to be temporary assistance and is not the only form of welfare.

    There’s SSI, but you need a disability adjudication to receive it and your parentage is not at issue in such proceedings. There’s SNAP, which is quite common. It’s means-tested and the mean monthly benefit for participating households is about \$430. By the way, the majority of people who are eligible do not apply for SNAP. There are various sorts of housing subsidies, but they’re not very prevalent (fewer than 3% of the total population are enrolled in HUD programs) . There is Medicaid, but that’s quite illiquid; you don’t get a ‘check’ or anything like it.

    Maybe you are unaware of the practice which is that women on welfare game the system by not naming the dad.

    Whether I’m ‘aware’ of it or not, you have refused to state a mechanism whereby paternity fraud would influence a household’s haul from the common welfare programs.

  293. @AnotherDad

    Let me ask you an honest question. Do you think as a species we are really going to let women suffer the consequences of their actions like we do for men because if not then we should abandon the idea gender equity including legal equality.

  294. Ganderson says:
    @epebble

    You’re right , but the college professor racket presents some temptations….

  295. Glaivester says: • Website
    @Lockean Proviso

    I think that this one is what they call a justified trope.

  296. @Brutusale

    what bourbons would you recommend under 100 and under 50?

    • Replies: @Brutusale
  297. Brutusale says:
    @epochehusserl

    Under \$50, there’s no contest: Evan Williams Single Barrel, voted Whiskey of the Year 5 times. Only \$25.99 at my local Total Wine. Honorable mention: Angel’s Envy. Nobody has been able to replicate the flavor profile Lincoln Henderson created.

    https://www.whiskyadvocate.com/lincoln-henderson-visionary/

    There’s no reason to pay \$100 for a bottle of bourbon. If you must, go with Barrel Bourbon Batch 26, Woodford Reserve Double Oaked or Henry McKenna 10 year.

    My favorite is kind of a unicorn in that you really need to “know a guy” to get it. It’s called Elmer T. Lee and my last bottle set me back a whole \$24.99.

  298. @Prof. Woland

    Now it favors the side that strikes first. 70 – 75 % of divorces are filed by women and men still pay over 90% of alimony.

    Until this is fixed, expect men to avoid marrying.

    Well- fix it.

  299. Anon[280] • Disclaimer says:

    Just read every comment, as I could not understand the related article, since it had too much self serving newspeak. I am educated, a prolific reader and as a point of interest for this comment I am neck deep in watching this happen to my daughter, starting when she just turned 11, as I deal w a pathological lying, child and spousal abusive super attorney estranged SO. My precious child was a straight A student that wanted to be a star athlete, like her father and uncle, and attend the same prestigious institution for uni. Then her mom, after getting everything she could ever dream of from, me, the Love of her life, her words, as she was coming up on mid 40s life crisis, grabbed the two young kids, stole couple hundred G, all the kids college funds, out of shared bank account and fraud cash out re fi, bc she was not happy and wanted, something else. My daughter has failed, straight Fs, last two years, has major mental illness, including serious eating disorder and constant SI, and I have been prevented from seeing both of my children for a year and a half and have not talked w them in four months, even though I call every day. Back when I used to talk w them I would hear identical girl power, Mom loving us so much to blow up our family and my kid’s childhood and their future. Stockholm syndrome parental alienation. Mom is super attorney, expert in civil litigation, and everything, especially our precious children are pawns, in her power move to show who’s in charge. Colin Powell’s pottery barn POV comes to mind. This is no fault version 10.1, Scorched Earth, pirate law, loot all the liquid cash, kidnapped kids, epic non-stop litigation. Dream of old times when Mom would just run off w co worker, when I’m not happy comes to her mind, leaving kids and a few assets. Fun times.

    • Replies: @JMcG
  300. JMcG says:
    @Anon

    I admire your fortitude. Most would have buckled under that kind of strain. Burning at the stake is too good for a witch such as that. Good luck to you.

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