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OK, every self-respecting columnist is writing about that wretched virus, so I suppose I have to. (Actually any self-respecting columnist is probably delusional. but never mind.) Columnists do what they are programmed to do, like bugs.

I think I’m supposed to say that the coronavirus is most perilous, and like the Black Death that is thought to have killed a third of Europe in 1348. Well, if a million people died in the US, it would be less than a third of one percent of the population. If we want to beat the Black Death we had better get cracking. So far we don’t even have a tenth of a million, though we are working on it. So we are at less than a tenth of a third of one percent.

I don’t know. I’m patriotic and all, and like to see America being a light to the world in pauses in bombing it, and setting an example. I don’t have much hope. Unless we start injecting Lysol like the Main Cockatoo says.

We will begin our discussion with a dose of sanity. If we can find any. It’s pretty scarce on the ground in this plague. I imagine dead bodies piled everywhere, whole hecatombs of them. (This column believes in up-town Greek words. It’s a toney column, after all. The trick is to throw them off casually as if you barely noticed. Don’t let the reader suspect that you have spent ten minutes devising a run-up to them so they look natural.)

Anyway, sanity. This miserable virus breeds all manner of conspiracy theories, most of them negligible. The Chloroquine Concealment story may actually persuade people to dose themselves with a drug they don’t understand. We have Pepe Escobar, a columnist appearing in Asia Times among several other places. He asserts that to his certain knowledge the French government is hiding a “cheap, tested” sure-fire cure, chloroquine. Yes, hiding it. The results of a French study, he says, show that chloroquine, a well-known antimalarial drug, is a cure.

So why are the French dying like mayflies in a bug zapper? Because the French government doesn’t want to save its people’s lives. And why this? So that Big Pharma can find a vaccine and get rich.

Saith Pepe, “… major collusion scandal in which the French government is helping Big Pharma to profit from the expansion of Covid-19.”

He is sure of this. And maybe also of poltergeists, though he hasn’t said so.

Chloroquine discovered in 1934, has been extensively used by large numbers of people for long periods. It is in the public domain. If it protects against the virus, Why not just put everybody on it en masse? Problem solved, no masks or ventilators need apply. No?

The tale has all the earmarks of the classic nutball conspiracy theory. It is fundamentally implausible (Macron is letting thousands of the French die and crippling the economy for the benefit of one industry, Big Pharma). It relies on blind sourcing and unsupported assertion. It requires the complicity of tens of thousands in the French medical community, none of whom spills the beans and saves thousands. Since chloroquine’s alleged effectiveness has been published on sites of large circulation, such as the Unz Review and Lew Rockwell, as well as being touted by Trump, it would seem not to be particularly well hidden.

Yet no country has jumped on this simple, cheap means of saving its population. it follows that...all the world’s governments are in on the conspiracy! Yes! The entire governmental earth.plots to make money for Big Pharma. And the media are hiding it, so they must be in on it. All bought off by Big pharma.

Why didn’t I think of that?

What I want to know is where the damned thing came from. On one hand it came from eating bats in Wuhan, for which there is no evidence so we will defend the story furiously. But actually it leaked from a Chinese germ-war lab, except that it was seen in California, like Elvis, before it appeared in China. Except those squinty-eyed rascals let it loose on their own people, because they’ve got so many they don’t mind losing ten or twenty million, hardly notice them, so it would spread to America and destroy the economy. Except, really, the Pentagon sent it to China with an athletic team–I guess it was going to play shortstop or something–to destroy China,

See? We’ve got the origin nailed down.

Now, as I understand it, the Head Witch Doctor in the White House for weeks kept saying, shucks, t’ain’t nothing, why, no worse than a head cold, just think about something else, folks, don’t worry your pretty little heads about a thing. Then it turned out the DOW didn’t have antibodies and dropped like a prom dress, and that was serious, so he went into hyperdrive and started blaming China for not saying anything for weeks, just like he didn’t either.

Here, a parenthesis. (See? More sky-brow Greek words.) Anyway, I’m never sure. Are tweets those email things, and twits the people who send them, or are twits the messages….?

What I can’t get a handle on is who the virus is dispatching to a Better Place. (I’m not religious, but almost any place would be better than New York in summer.) Yes, we hear that being morbidly fat doesn’t help, or having diabetes, or fifth-stage cancer, or being old, or already dead. Actually, we could have guessed as much. But what are the actual numbers? Of a thousand people infected, how many die? Of a thousand symptomatic people, however defined, how many die? What is the breakdown by age for otherwise healthy people? In short, now dangerous is the foul molecule to whom? Why don’t we know?

Easy. Because the US response has been chaotic, incompetent, unprepared, ridiculous, embarrassing, and ineffectual. Nothing that should have been stocked was. Because the First Source of Tweets is more interested in reelection than in the country. Because it turns out that the All-Galactic Omnipower, feared unto the Crab Nebula for is gaudy aircraft carriers and stupid bombers, can’t supply its people with face-masks–you know, little piece of cloth, two strings. Or just one stretchy string.

Actually, I have my own conspiracy theory. The virus was designed in a Jewish biowarfare lab deep under Manhattan to provide clients for the Rosenthal Happy Bye-Bye chain of morgues, and incidentally to supply an organ-harvesting network run by Mossad to do experiments on Palestinian orphans. But Bill and Melinda Gates heard of it and bought it to infect bats. These were sent to China under the influence of a suspended-animation drug invented by the Nazis. (This explains why Hitler has been seen at a donut shop in Buenos Aires.) Bill and Mel knew that the virus would come back to America where the lock-down would let the government impose totalitarianism, destroy our freedoms, and make everybody take vaccines and get chips implanted in their heads.

Ha! Escobar has met his match.

A Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire to Be”

Amazon review: “Another collection of Fred’s Fred on Everything columns, seditious, outrageous, inflammatory, evilly funny. Fred dislikes everything he is supposed to like, and likes everything he is supposed to dislike. He likes downscale bars, thinks bar girls are decent human beings, approves of dogs, motorcycles, and really loud blues. He detests wars, which he has seen several of, loathes ugly feminists with politically significant hairy armpits, believes that congressmen would serve well as skeet, and proposes to tie everyone on Wall Street to an anvil and drop it in a river. Obviously he is

Write Fred at [email protected]. put the letters “pdq” anywhere in the subject line to avoid autodeletion.

• Category: Ideology • Tags: Conspiracy Theories, Coronavirus 
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  1. Anonymous[216] • Disclaimer says:

    I remember when Fred’s columns were readable. Those were the days, my friend.

    • Agree: BuelahMan
    • Replies: @jwschrecker
  2. Did those baked beans at the end of this video get Montezuma’s revenge from Fred Reed? Story at 11, on the Mexican Radio. I hear the talking of the DJ, can’t understand just what does he say. Seriously, though, read Peak Stupidity‘s light-hearted thoughts on Cats, Bats, and Spoiled Brats.

  3. @Anonymous

    I agree sir. This was quite hard to wade through. Never used to be this way.

    • Replies: @anonymous
    , @restless94110
  4. . says:

    Joe Biden wrote this in his basement.

    • LOL: Achmed E. Newman
  5. anonymous[235] • Disclaimer says:

    A mutation of the columns poking “911 Truthers,” in which he broad-brushes and caricatures, and then ignores their questions and good faith arguments. Another recent riff is evolution/creationism.

    Deadline pressure? Neediness? Basic irascibility? Whatever the reason(s), Mr. Reed increasingly is just a bylined troll.

    • Replies: @Al Lipton
  6. ARYLIOA says:

    I have a modest proposal. From some of the comments, I fear many of the readers of Fred’s columns would call for the execution of Jonathan Swift for his outrageous cure for Ireland’ difficulties.

    Come on, folks. Google “satire”, then relax.

    Fred strikes me as a bit like this dialog in Patton:

    Lt. Col. Charles R. Codman:
    You know General, sometimes the men don’t know when you’re acting.

    It’s not important for them to know. It’s only important for me to know.

    Sometimes I know. Sometimes I think I know. Sometimes I haven’t a clue. But I enjoy Fred in all three situations.

  7. Al Lipton says:

    Fred, you are parroting the main fake stream media of the evil Democrat cabal about the Main Cockatoo injecting Lysol. It was never a real thing. If you follow Drudge, you should know that Drudge Report was sold to a Bezos type entity and turned hard against the Main Cockatoo. It’s been that way over a year. Drudge became CNN, or worse.

    Also, CNN had massive, relentless, month+long campaign against malaria drug hydroxychloroquine, it could be, as you hint, because Fauci, Gates, China, etc., see more profit in a \$700 per pill ‘new’ treatments than a \$0.10 per pill old malaria drug that works for the Wuhan. Fake stream even informed its adherents that the Main Cockatoo invested in the \$0.10 per pill malaria drug and promotes it for a personal profit, they found actual investment of \$100 in one of the many companies who makes this stuff. But it could be that CNN’s war against the \$0.10 malaria pill follows established pattern: to contradict everything and anything the Main Cockatoo says. Hate filled white privileged supremacists, aka the Deplorables suggest that if Trump banned cannibalism the lefties would immediately start eating each other.

    A Black Democrat Woman (note: check, check, and check) in Michigan state government got sick with the Wuhan and cured with the Trump pill, is now being expelled from Democrat party by other Democrats for thanking the Main Cockatoo for his cure. True story: Rep. Karen Whitsett is the name. She was a couple of time on Tucker Carlson.

    Fred, I highly recommend Tucker Carlson for your news. Look for live streams on Youtube around 7pm Central, Mon-Fri.

    BTW, before it’s banned, condemned, and disappeared, I also highly recommend informative and honest documentary on the Trayvon Hoax, or how Democrats manipulate Black votes. It’s old news but explains the pattern. Save it if you know how before it’s killed:

    • Thanks: Bragadocious
    • LOL: bluedog
    • Replies: @Kratoklastes
  8. Rich says:

    Fred makes a good point about America’s lack of preparedness for this virus. Here in NY a government appointed panel recommended the state purchase more PPE, but “diversity” training, affirmative action jobs, “racist” hunting and housing, clothing, feeding and educating illegal aliens were considered more important for our taxes to be spent on. The political class that runs the US is moronic and they’re going to pull us all down with them.

  9. Al Lipton says:

    Another recent riff is evolution/creationism.

    That’s been for 3+ decades. Not recent.
    And Fred is really good on that.

  10. As usual Fred is 90 % wrong on his premise, but always a good “REED” due to his writing style and prose…
    And per usually fast Freddie left out FACTS…
    It was a French Dr Riaoult who first announced the hydroxyqluoroquine was a viable treatment for Covid, however like is MSM commrads he left out the other two drugs of the triad or “medical cocktail” that create the effectiveness of the cure, zinc sulfate, and azythromycine. All we hear about is the one drug not being effective not the cocktail. So please fast Freddie, at least paint the whole canvas when presenting your opinion, not 1/3rd of it within the context of “satire”…

  11. Awash says:

    Thanks Fred. The big pharma theory implies that other capitalists will accept ruin to show class solidarity with big pharma.

    What is happening to the world? It is confused, and cannot even construct a reasonable conspiracy theory. It is not fair!

  12. BTW Fred long time reader first time commenter… I’m beginng to agree with you more and more that quality of life in Mexico is much better than in the USSA. I’d rather take my chances with the corrupt but mostly benign Mexican govt and the drug lords than live under the totalitarian jackboot of the USSA. Maybe we’ll bump into eachother at one of your frequented cantina’s and down a few tequila’s on me. Cheers!

  13. Uncle Al says: • Website

    Socialism removed a randomly brutal god by substituting determined committees. Socialism is a clown in a graveyard promising rewards. Wuhan virus removes the elderly, the poor, and the Coloured for \$39k reimbursement each. None of government is especially unhappy about the bargain.

    Chloroquin is nasty stuff. DON’T
    Remdesivir has a 25% incidence of organ failure and such. DON’T

    Hydrochloroquin is the daily prophylactic for malaria, Brazil (almost like White folk) and sub-Saharan Africa (who are Officially just like you and me). There are ophthalmic complications,
    … “Patients are at low risk during the first 5 years of treatment.”

    This is a good time to be armed and ammo’d. The Los Angeles Rodney King riots were largely recreational plunder and arson. Effective counterpoint was largely point of sale determined ballistics.

  14. Once again we get nothing of value from Reed. You’d think he’d have something to say about Covid-19 in Mexico, since there’s evidence that AMLO is suppressing the numbers, plus Fred’s surrounded by old geezers in that planned community of boomerlibs who take power walks on the shores of toxic Lake Chapala. (Can’t be good for the lungs) And yet, nothing. First rule with Fred Reed: it’s always about the United States! Unless Ann Coulter says something mean about Mexico. Then it’s all about Ann Coulter, then the alt-right, followed by pics of the Mexico City opera house, or something.

    • Replies: @Ann Nonny Mouse
  15. Anon[913] • Disclaimer says:

    This column believes in up-town Greek words.

    It’s simply about whether to believe or not believe in real and serious literacy and culture. I am glad you, running again the spirit of the time, have believed and have kept believing in those.

    • Replies: @animalogic
  16. Daddio7 says:

    A large, very well respected hospital in a major metro area near me had a celebration when they discharged a man who had recover after 17 days on a ventilator. The credited chloroquine treatment with his recovery. Did they drink the Kool-aid, did the man just get luck and not die, or, did the treatment work?

    • Replies: @Wielgus
  17. @jwschrecker

    Thank you for saving me the time and mental distress of reading this article.

  18. bluedog says:

    Keep them coming Fred for you know you have them down when they began grunting, squealing and complaining for its always the few that do..!!!

    • Agree: Ann Nonny Mouse
  19. @Bragadocious

    Please stop bragging and give us the evidence that AMLO is suppressing the numbers.

    • Replies: @Bragadocious
  20. anon[102] • Disclaimer says:

    The treatment Dr. Didier Raoult, the leading epidemiologist on Earth, concluded was effective against *early stage* covid-19 was 3 things together Fred:

    Zinc + Azithromycin + Hydroxychloroquie

    It takes all three of them, early in covid-19 presentation, not late stage.

  21. Wielgus says:

    Celebrating it suggests it is not a routine occurrence for someone to recover after being on a ventilator.

  22. @Anon

    Ah belief, I remember it well….
    Now, I find Fred as plausible as most with this:
    “Actually, I have my own conspiracy theory. The virus was designed in a Jewish biowarfare lab deep under Manhattan to provide clients for the Rosenthal Happy Bye-Bye chain of morgues, and incidentally to supply an organ-harvesting network run by Mossad to do experiments on Palestinian orphans. But Bill and Melinda Gates heard of it and bought it to infect bats. These were sent to China under the influence of a suspended-animation drug invented by the Nazis…..”
    The only thing I object to in this article, object to violently, is comparing Trump to a cockatoo — cockatoos are beautiful & pound for pound way smarter than Trump.
    (incidentally, is that Nazi suspended animation drug on the market yet? I like the sound of it…)

    • LOL: bluedog
  23. @Ann Nonny Mouse

    Here you go. Enjoy!

  24. @Al Lipton

    it could be, as you hint, because Fauci, Gates, China, etc., see more profit in a \$700 per pill ‘new’ treatments than a \$0.10 per pill old malaria drug that works for the Wuhan

    You left out that the \$700 new pill doesn’t work.

    You could be forgiven for not knowing this, since the study was released at 6pm on Friday evening the day before a long weekend.

    I kid you not. They literally chose the timeslot that is a running joke as the ‘go to’ timeslot for market-affecting news.

    ZeroHedge noticed: it may have become a shitty Freeper-style clickfarm since the original Tyler/Marla sold it, but occasionally it gets in fromt of a story.

    Remdesivir doesn’t outperform placebo. It has a weak (and barely statistically significant) effect for patients who are already on supplementary oxygen; for patients with disease progression either side of that ‘sweet spot’, it does fuck-all.

    Add in the side effects (which are quite serious for 48% of people taking it), and the case for remdesivir turns out to be another Fauci-fuckup.

    • Replies: @acementhead
  25. Maybe it was an accidental release from a lab and certain parties did not want to be embarrassed by fact.

    • Replies: @Bombercommand
  26. @Kratoklastes

    remdesivir turns out to be another Fauci-fuckup.

    You spelled ‘fraud’ incorrectly.

  27. Malla says:

    Yet no country has jumped on this simple, cheap means of saving its population. it follows that…all the world’s governments are in on the conspiracy! Yes! The entire governmental earth.plots to make money for Big Pharma. And the media are hiding it, so they must be in on it. All bought off by Big pharma.

    The Indian Council of Medical Research found HCQ to have very little side effects if any and that too on only a few of those tested. However they are recommending it as a prophylaxis (reduces the chance of infection) to healthcare workers who are expected to in their 30s in age. No idea if they are recommending it to older patients.
    HCQ breakthrough: ICMR (The Indian Council of Medical Research) finds it’s effective in preventing coronavirus, expands its use 22 May, 2020

    Three studies find that hydroxychloroquine reduces chances of contracting Covid, so ICMR allows more frontline workers to take it as a preventive drug.

    “The ICMR had earlier announced that some side effects, such as abdominal pain and nausea, have been observed in healthcare workers who were administered HCQ.

    The anti-malaria drug is often blamed for triggering irregular heartbeat.

    However, in the final results of the studies (HCQ prophylaxis among 1,323 healthcare workers), the ICMR found mild adverse effects such as nausea in 8.9 per cent workers, abdominal pain in 7.3 per cent, vomiting in 1.5 per cent, low blood sugar (hypoglycaemia) in 1.7 per cent and cardio-vascular effects in 1.9 per cent.”
    No major side-effects of HCQ in studies in India, can be used as preventive Covid treatment: ICMR (The Indian Council of Medical Research) May 26, 2020

    “The ICMR’s statement came against the backdrop of the World Health Organization (WHO) temporarily suspending the testing of the drug as a potential treatment for Covid-19 over safety concerns.

    During these six weeks, we got some data in India, mainly observational studies and some case control studies. We found there were no major side affects except for nausea, vomiting, palpitation occasionally. Hence in our advisory, we’ve recommended that it should be continued for prophylaxis as there is no harm. Benefit may be there,” ICMR Director General Balram Bhargava said at a press briefing here on Tuesday.

    He said it has been “clearly advised that HCQ should be taken with food, not on empty stomach”.”


    “Another investigation from three central government hospitals here indicates that amongst healthcare workers involved in Covid-19 care, those on HCQ prophylaxis were less likely to develop SARS-CoV-2 infection, compared to those who were not on it. The benefit was less pronounced in healthcare workers caring for a general patient. Besides, an observational prospective study of 334 healthcare workers at AIIMS, out of which 248 took HCQ prophylaxis (median 6 weeks of follow-up) here also showed that those taking it had lower incidence of SARS-CoV-2 than those not taking it.

    According to the advisory, the drug has to be given only on the prescription of a registered medical practitioner and it is advised to consult with a physician for any adverse event or potential drug interaction before initiation of medication.”

  28. @SC inhabitant

    Dude, you just committed First Degree Aggravated CrimeThink by posting that link. Prepare to be swarmed “With Extreme Prejudice” by the IQ80 Squad of the Unz Commentariat. Ask me how I know.

  29. MEH 0910 says:

    Was Randy Responsible For the COVID-19 Pandemic? – SOUTH PARK

    As the Pandemic Special grows in popularity, Randy realizes that he may have had a big part to play in the origins of the Covid-19 pandemic.

    Watch “The Pandemic Special” uncensored full episode for free:

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