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I owe the corporate media an apology. For the last few years, I’ve been writing all these essays explaining how they were perpetrating an enormous psyop on the American public … a psyop designed to convince the public that Donald Trump “colluded” with Russia to steal the presidency from Hillary Clinton. Up until a few days ago, I would have sworn that they had published literally thousands of articles and editorials, and broadcast countless TV segments, more or less accusing him of treason, and being a “Russian intelligence asset,” and other ridiculous stuff like that. Also, and I’m still not sure how this happened, I somehow got the idea in my head that the investigation that Special Counsel Robert Mueller was meticulously conducting had something to do with Donald Trump conspiring or “colluding” with Russia, or being some kind of “Manchurian president,” or being blackmailed by Putin with a pee-tape, or something.

In any event, the publication of the Mueller report has cleared things up for me. I get it now. The investigation was never about Trump colluding with Russia. It was always about Trump obstructing the investigation of the collusion with Russia that the investigation was not about. Mueller was never looking for collusion. It was not his job to look for collusion. His job was to look for obstruction of his investigation of alleged obstruction of his investigation of non-collusion, which he found, and detailed at length in his report, and which qualifies as an impeachable offense.

Not that he proved that there was no collusion! On the contrary, as professional hermeneuticists have been repeatedly pointing out on Twitter, given that Mueller wasn’t looking for collusion, and that collusion could never have been legally established, and isn’t even a legal term, Mueller’s failure to find any actual evidence of collusion is evidence of collusion, notwithstanding the fact that he couldn’t prove it, and wasn’t even looking for it, except to the extent it allowed him to establish a case for the obstruction he was actually investigating.

In other words, his investigation was launched in order to investigate the obstruction of his investigation. And, on those terms, it was a huge success. The fact that it didn’t prove “collusion” means nothing — that’s just a straw man argument that Trump and his Russian handlers make. The goal all along was to prove that Trump obstructed an investigation of his obstruction of that investigation, not that he was “colluding” with Putin, or any of the other paranoid nonsense that the corporate media were forced to report on, once an investigation into his obstruction of the investigation was launched.

See, and this is why I owe the media an apology. All those thousands of hysterical articles, editorials, and TV segments accusing Donald Trump of treason, and of literally being a Russian agent, and probably Putin’s homosexual lover, were not just ridiculous propaganda. The corporate media were not engaged in a concerted campaign to convince the public that Trump conspired with a foreign adversary to brainwash millions of African Americans into refusing to vote for Hillary Clinton with some emails and a handful of Facebook posts. No, the media were simply covering the story of his obstruction of the investigation of the made-up facts the intelligence agencies got them to relentlessly disseminate to generate the appearance of a story, which, once it was out there, had to be reported on, regardless of how it came into being, or whose nefarious purposes it served.

Moreover, regardless of whether Mueller did or did not establish obstruction (or attempted obstruction, which is just as impeachable) of his non-investigation of collusion, he absolutely established that Russia attacked us by brainwashing all those African Americans who were definitely going to vote for Clinton until they saw those divisive Facebook ads and those DNC emails that Putin personally ordered Trump to order Paul Manafort to personally deliver to Julian Assange, who was hunkered down in the Ecuadorean embassy poking holes in King-size condoms, abusing his cat, and smearing invisible poo all over the walls of his kitchen.

Now, these are all indisputable facts, which Mueller establishes in his report by referencing the repeated assertions of a consensus of U.S. intelligence agencies, and the corporate media’s relentless repetition of those agencies’ assertions, and the feeling a lot of people have that they must be factual to some extent, given how often they have been repeated, and referenced, and authoritatively asserted, and how familiar they sound when they hear them, again. The fact that there exists no evidence whatsoever of any “Russian attack,” and that all we’re actually talking about is the publication of a bunch of emails that DNC members actually wrote, and some ridiculous social media posts, should not in any way detract from the fact that the Russians launched a totally devastating, virtually Pearl Harbor-scale attack on the fabric of American democracy, which Trump obstructed an investigation of, or attempted to obstruct an investigation of, or conspired to attempt to obstruct an investigation of obstruction of.

Or whatever. The point is, now they’ve got him! His justice obstructing days are numbered! Break out the pussyhats and vuvuzelas, because next stop is Impeachment City! So what if he’s not a Russian agent and didn’t conspire or collude with anyone? He got elected without permission, and insulted a lot of powerful people, and … well, who cares what they impeach him for, as long as they impeach him for something!

They kind of have to do it, at this point, don’t they? They just spent most of the last three years rolling out an official narrative in which the Russians are running around attacking democracy, poisoning ducks with Novichok perfume, fomenting populist uprisings in France, and just generally being the evil enemies that the Islamic terrorists used to be, before they turned into freedom fighters and helped us try to take over Syria.

If the Democrats don’t impeach Donald Trump, that official narrative might fall apart. Liberals might have to face the fact that Americans elected Donald Trump president, not because they were brainwashed by Russians, or had any illusions about what a thuggish, self-aggrandizing buffoon he is, but because they were so disgusted with the neoliberal Washington establishment, and the global capitalist elites that own it, that they leapt at the chance to vote against it, and probably would have elected anyone who promised to even marginally disrupt it … but there I go drifting off into my crazy conspiracist thinking again.

Anyway … I’m really sorry about all that stuff I wrote about the corporate media. Rest assured, that won’t happen again. Admittedly, I blew the Russiagate thing, but I promise to do better with Obstructiongate, or Tax-Returnsgate, or Whatevergate. It doesn’t really matter what we call it, right? The important thing is to teach the masses what happens when they vote for unauthorized candidates. We’re only halfway through that lesson. Stay tuned … there’s much, much more to come!

C. J. Hopkins is an award-winning American playwright, novelist and political satirist based in Berlin. His plays are published by Bloomsbury Publishing (UK) and Broadway Play Publishing (USA). His debut novel, ZONE 23, is published by Snoggsworthy, Swaine & Cormorant Paperbacks. He can be reached at or

• Category: Ideology • Tags: American Media, Donald Trump, Russiagate 
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  1. @atlantis_dweller

    Whatevergate and Watergate even sound similarly.

  2. Stick says:

    CJ, welcome to the barricades. The Globalists are getting hysterical. Who will bail them out if they’re not too big to fail?

    • Agree: Endgame Napoleon
    • Replies: @Anonymous
  3. The elites are down in the arena, duking it out with law books to provide bread and circuses. Which elite will fall next? Place your bets now, predicting whether or not your favored elite Champion Of The World will get up in the required time frame to save him / herself if not the world. Elites certainly won’t serve the country they were elected to represent. That is a safe bet.

    Meanwhile, 7,000 more immigrants streamed into the USA this week, with little resistance from Mr. MAGA who was supposed to stop the mass flow of wage-slicing, welfare-consuming migrants.

    He does a lot of bragging about full employment, avoiding pesky details like 95 million out-of-the-laborforce citizens, including a lot of prime-aged adults in that 16 — 65 group. He counts every part-time / gig worker at 10 hours per week as “employed,” even though the average person counted as “employed” in the USA works only part time, with many doing it on purpose to stay under the earned-income limits for welfare programs that cover all of their major household bills from rent to food and up to \$6,431 in refundable child tax credit money.

    Other “employed” part timers supplement spousal income, rent-covering child support, retirement income or SS disability checks with a little low-wage employment, a few hours a week of work that would not count as real employment in a strapping-strong MAGA economy.

    Most Americans do not have unearned income from Uncle Sam to boost up the part-time or churn-gig money that covers just a bill or two, hence the mass-scale abandonment of the labor force. It is not a MAGA economy when so many individuals—reliant on earned-only income—cannot undertake independent household formation, as elites hire welfare-fed immigrants with womb-productivity-based welfare to cut their labor costs.

  4. Terrific article — CJ’s channelling Catch 22.

    • Agree: Hail, utu
  5. Hail says: • Website

    Or whatever. The point is, now they’ve got him!

    The important thing is to teach the masses what happens when they vote for unauthorized candidates.

    Good article. But the lashing-out is far more widespread than the narrow effort to take down Trump. We have many thousands, now, of genuine political dissidents in the USA, subject (in the period about 2017 to present) to quasi-official harassment (up to and including ruining lives). Most have nothing to do with Trump and don’t even support him (anymore).

  6. “The important thing is to teach the masses what happens when they vote for unauthorized candidates.”

    IOW, the people don’t get the government they deserve, just the one they tolerate.

    • Replies: @annamaria
  7. Just wonderful. Brought a huge grin to my face. Thank you!

  8. If the Democrats don’t impeach Donald Trump, that official narrative might fall apart. Liberals might have to face the fact that Americans elected Donald Trump president, not because they were brainwashed by Russians, or had any illusions about what a thuggish, self-aggrandizing buffoon he is, but because they were so disgusted with the neoliberal Washington establishment, and the global capitalist elites that own it, that they leapt at the chance to vote against it, and probably would have elected anyone who promised to even marginally disrupt it…

    It was a nice dream while it lasted, anyway.

    Another superb essay, Mr. Hopkins.

  9. @Endgame Napoleon

    He does a lot of bragging about full employment, avoiding pesky details like 95 million out-of-the-laborforce citizens, including a lot of prime-aged adults in that 16 — 65 group.

    I find it remarkable that (at least online) Trump manages to draw unwavering support from legions of the gullible, foolish, and otherwise mentally malformed. Sure, he brags about all sorts of “accomplishments” which have nothing to do at all with why he earned his job at the White House in the first place. And even those are only of a qualified nature, requiring an asterisk, not to mention a bit of truth-stretching.

    • Replies: @The scalpel
    , @Wally
  10. El Dato says:

    Even in Germany, stability more and more feels like metastability, hanging off a thin narrative thread.

  11. The murdering ducks allegation is quite serious. Someone should have warned President Trump: “Donald, duck!”

    • Replies: @Dave Bowman
  12. Haha very good.

    There’s a moron in my work who has been regurgitating this Russian hysteria to me about collusion and Mueller for months and then when I jokingly brought up with him why hadn’t the great Mueller found anything he completely switched argument and said it was never about collusion at all!

    The mental gymnastics required are amazing.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
    , @Dave Bowman
    , @anon
  13. Anonymous[102] • Disclaimer says:

    Trump used the art of lying to force the media to report on his lies. Will they continue to be so naive. Probably. Thats how Trump and all future despots will continue to rule. People believe the lie 1st, and assume the truth is a lie.

  14. Jake says:

    CJ Hopkins shows better than anyone I’ve read that this era of ours, this time of Yank WASP/Zionist Globalist Neo-Capitalist (in which giant corporations and Big Government combine to squeeze small businesses and the middle class to death) Empire is in many ways little more than a variant of the insanity of the USSR under Stalin.

    American the Global hegemon has become a ‘greater’ British Empire, has become The Evil Empire: Mordor demanding that the entire world bow and scrape.

    If Hopkins can turn these insights into an American The Master and Margarita, I really will be stomping up and down for him to win the Nobel for literature.

  15. Anonymous[102] • Disclaimer says:

    You make no sense to anyone but yourself. A man believes what he want to believe and disregards the rest.

    • Replies: @evilsooty999
  16. Gordo says:

    Mr Trump never colluded with Russie, the people who he actually colludes with would never allow it.

  17. annamaria says:
    @The Alarmist

    Agree.”Herland Report Interviews William Binney:”

    William Binney is the NSA official who developed the spy program. Binney designed the program to be limited to legitimate targets. The George W. Bush regime, specifically vice president Cheney, removed the constraints on the operation of the program, because Cheney wanted to spy on political opponents and on allies. In other words, the Constitution was violated. For blowing the whistle, the US Department of Justice (sic) attempted to build a case against Binney for doing his duty and blowing the whistle.

    In America revealing government wrong-doing has no effect as neither Congress nor the public care. When Edward Snowden again blew the whistle on illegal and unconstitutional spying, nothing was done about it except to turn against Snowden for revealing the government’s crimes against law and the Constitution…
    It seems that Cheney will indeed inter the history of the U.S. as the most prominent American Traitor. Quite a distinction.

    • Replies: @MacNucc11
  18. @Anonymous

    Simon & Garfunkel had it right 🙂

  19. The scalpel says: • Website
    @Nicolás Palacios Navarro

    Like other politicians, he takes credit for anything good that happens and blames the opposing party for anything bad.

    • Replies: @FB
  20. @Macon Richardson

    Readers with their own material. God help us.

  21. @evilsooty999

    The mental gymnastics required are amazing

    But very easy for the unhinged.

  22. MacNucc11 says:

    When discussing some conspiracy or other with people you always here the “but someone would have talked, etc.” I always answer them and who do you think they would talk to? No one is listening and the people on the inside know it is their career, their life, and their reputation in roughly that order. I am honestly surprised that we even know that Snowden did talk and spill the goods on some of the spying. It could have easily just been kept completely from us.

  23. MacNucc11 says:

    What I like about C.J.s post here is that he points out how the media make you familiar with something no matter how absurd and it literally brings it into being. They just make something up out of thin air like investigation into, oh, let’s say feral egregious executive slacking. Next you have “Investigators are looking into allegations of feral egregious executive slacking, FEES.” Then it gets repeated daily multiple times about the minutiae of said investigation and soon everyone is going around repeating it like they always knew about FEES. Legal experts are called in to weigh in on the FEES investigation of the president. Pundits throw the term back and forth like they know it inside and out. Only a few people will come forward and say that it is total made up BS and they will be laughed at and mocked for being so naïve to the danger to national security, the sanctity of the office, blah blah of the FEES. I mean this is huge!

    • Replies: @Anon
  24. Anon[351] • Disclaimer says: • Website


  25. Wally says:
    @Nicolás Palacios Navarro

    The alternative was more Obama, Hillary.

    I’ll take Trump and his limited accomplishments.

  26. Beckow says:

    Fifty years from now, if a man is still alive, people will look at the Trump-Russia-gate as a complete madness and hysteria. The names of the elite intellectuals who pushed it will be ridiculed – an embarrassment all around.

    Or maybe the idiots will take over and suppress any dissent, Hillary will be on Mount Rushmore, CNN
    compulsory, and reading Tolstoy a crime. In that case, at last Trump has provided some fun on the way to oblivion.

  27. @Wally

    As the years pass, the more I realize that there never was an alternative to begin with. Clinton, Bush II, Obama, Trump—each blur into the other.

    • Agree: Agent76
    • Replies: @atlantis_dweller
    , @Wally
  28. Agent76 says:

    Feb 12, 2019 NEW: Docs Show Hillary Clinton’s Lawyer Pressured FBI on Weiner Laptop Emails

    Judicial Watch announced today it received 215 pages of records from the U.S. Department of Justice revealing former FBI General Counsel James Baker discussed the investigation of Clinton-related emails on Anthony Weiner’s laptop with Clinton’s lawyer, David Kendall. Baker then forwarded the conversation to his FBI colleagues.

    October 2, 2018 Uranium One: FBI Refuses To Release Three-Dozen Secret Memos Involving Clintons, Russia And Obama

    The FBI has refused to declassify 37 pages of materials related to the Uranium One deal, citing national security and the privacy issues, reports The Hill’s John Solomon. The documents are thought to contain information regarding then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s involvement, as well as the Obama administration’s knowledge of the controversial deal.

  29. He has already written a potently artistic novel — as for the Nobel (and other socially valuable accolades), that mostly goes to they who dance to the louder tune of their time.

  30. Anon[289] • Disclaimer says:

    Nothing will wipe off humanity’s inclination to deception (to giving it, as well as taking it).

  31. Wally says:
    @Nicolás Palacios Navarro


    Generally, you are correct.
    It’s often said that if elections really changed anything they would be made illegal.

    As for Trump, in a nutshell, I realized there was only so much he could do, the forces aligned against him were / are massive.
    But the changes he has brought about are significant.

    From his SCOTUS appointment, withdrawing from the absurd UN Climate fiaso, removing regulations which hurt the economy, breaking down some of the huge tariffs against US goods & services, and at least making some efforts to control immigration, etc.

    My hope is he is a transition step to real change.
    2020 will be huuuge.


  32. FB says: • Website
    @The scalpel

    And come to think of it…what ‘good’ has actually happened…?

    That the stock market has been inflated into a giant bubble by the greatest money printing spree in history…?….resulting in the most massive wealth transfer ever from the on-life support middle class, and straight into the pockets of the plutocracy…

    Did I miss anything…?

    And we will only find out the fundamental problem of this latest, post-2008 crash financial ‘engineering’ wizardry when it blows up in our faces…

    • Replies: @The scalpel
    , @Precious
  33. anon[434] • Disclaimer says:

    leftists believe whatever makes them feel good

  34. Greg S. says: • Website

    Great Satire. It truly is a Clown World!

  35. anon[383] • Disclaimer says:

    trump should flood the zone, have some of his staff leak something to the media about another fake scandal and then do it again every month until the leftists finally give up on it – effectively you’re mocking them

  36. Anonymous [AKA "Lagopus"] says:

    You, I and all tax payerd will pay for that, as always.

  37. @Wally

    You forgot your CODOH link. 😉

  38. annamaria says:

    On the ongoing scandal in Venezuela:ó-got-snookered-white-house-starts-beating-war-drums.html#comments

    norway the uk and israel should send special farces to protects guidos from the anti semetes

    mad dog madura hates strong ashkanazi like quido

    we must protect guido and not let the russian and hezbollah advisers push israel and guido in the seas all over laready

    Posted by: scarlet | May 1, 2019 2:42:59 PM | 11


  39. Precious says:

    Well, Trump is already blaming the Federal Reserve, so in a crash they might actually take the blame this time. If that ends up scrapping central banking we will all owe Trump a big favor and we can say it was just another part of the plan.

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