Via Doug Jones’ Logarithmic History:
ARDÈCHE, FRANCE—Saying that the recently discovered figurative art sheds new light on prehistoric speculative conflict, archeologists working at France’s Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave announced Friday the discovery of a 300-century-old painting of an adult European mammoth squaring off against five sabre-toothed tigers. “This well-preserved and surprisingly detailed illustration shows us that ancient humans, people we refer to as cavemen, were capable of surprisingly sophisticated thought and probing insight, asking themselves mankind’s oldest philosophical question: Who would win in a fight?” said prominent paleolithic art expert Dr. David Whitley, noting that it was only a small intellectual step from sabretooth-versus-mammoth to such fundamental human debates as Hercules versus Gilgamesh, double-size Muhammed Ali versus one-tenth-size Godzilla, and the 1996 Bulls versus the 2012 Heat. “It’s a question that has shaped and molded all of human history. Also, I don’t care what this cave painting says—the mammoth would totally prevail unless it got, like, stuck in a tar pit.” …
Read the rest here.
I’m patenting the future of pay-per-view Saturday Night Fights: genetically revivified Ice Age megafauna battle at Caesar’s Palace to answer humanity’s age-old question: Who would win in a fight: Wooly Mammoths or Sabre-Toothed Tigers?
Undercard: Giant armadillo vs cave bear.
Somebody get David Reich on the phone. There are billions to be made.
Update: Snopes warns that this mammoth vs. sabre-tooth drawing may not be 100% legit. On the other hand:
U.S.—A troubling new survey released by The Babylon Bee confirmed Wednesday that too many people think Snopes is a real fact-checking website.
The survey found that over 60% of people believe Snopes is a real website, while only 25% understand that it’s satire. The remaining minority thinks that Snopes is the name of a gangsta rapper from California, “one of those guys who makes the hip-hop about the devil’s lettuce and shooting people.”