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From The Babylon Bee:

Chick-Fil-A Outsources Food Production To McDonald’s
November 27th, 2019

ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A has announced a major change in the production of its delicious chicken sandwiches. The company will now be outsourcing all food production to McDonald’s.

According to corporate spokespeople, since the company’s unique approach has been working so incredibly well, it was only obvious that it was time to change things up. “Why fix what isn’t broken? Well, because a few people were mad about it, that’s why,” a spokesperson said. …

In addition, Chick-fil-A is having McDonald’s train all its new employees. They will simply grunt when you ask them for something, they will forget you even exist, and they are guaranteed to forget the sauce for your McNuggets, “every time, guaranteed.” Instead of saying, “my pleasure,” Chick-fil-A employees will now say, “Yeah, OK, whatever, bro.” …

The restaurants will also be open on Sunday.

 
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  1. Charles says:

    For now, a parody (or satire). In a year or two…

  2. This sounds like something from The Onion. Makes you cry.

  3. @Jonathan Mason

    This sounds like something from The Onion.

    Shouldn’t it?

    • Replies: @Steve Sailer
  4. They screwed up that one line, cause Chick-fil-A doesn’t serve McNuggets, of course (unless that was somehow part of the joke).

    This is pretty cool, though. The Babylon Bee is obviously near alt-right, as a regular parody would cover the bit about Chick-fil-A going all Globohomo as part of this “story”. They assumed that the reader knows all about that already and doesn’t like it, meaning they know their readers are pretty conservative, if not alt-right. It’s amazing that the Babylon Bee is still “on the air” or hasn’t been forced to conform yet.

    Back to the parody here, I think they should have included a part about the people at the counter continuing to carry on conversations after you the customer walk up, during your ordering (making it hard to really specify anything) and the whole rest of the day. Peak Stupidity discusses this behavior in “I’m not ‘loving it’”.

    • Replies: @ThreeCranes
  5. @Jonathan Mason

    Ah, Sailer’s Place. Highest IQ readers on the net.

    • Replies: @MBlanc46
  6. J.Ross says:

    Post-Alternative Neo-Folk Band, Which Only White Kids Listen To, Shot At by White Supremacy
    Oh white supremacy, when will you release your death grip on Chicago?
    https://nypost.com/2019/11/27/wilco-frontman-jeff-tweedys-home-shot-up-in-chicago/?_ga=2.95785109.82150613.1574896770-536675971.1537867163

    • Replies: @Anon
  7. bomag says:

    “Entropy wins again.”

  8. Dtbb says:

    Steve, thanks for a year ago making our family Thanksgiving better for giving us the North Sentinel island post, which provided us the perfect subject to talk about. What’s up this year?

  9. Chick-Fil-A is actually quite a worthy company, although I have never eaten there for the following reasons:

    1. I do not eat chicks.
    2. The name reminds me of this:

    which is obviously not tasty.

    What I was told about Chick-Fil-A is that it does not sell franchises, but managers have to work in a restaurant for a couple of years to receive management training, and then pay a relatively small sum like $10,000 to get their own store. They then receive a fairly decent salary of something like $100,000 plus a percentage of the turnover, and generally stay in post for a long time.

    That is what I was told. I have not researched this, but if true it sounds to me like a very sensible way to run a business. People have also told me that the food is good, but, as I say, I do not eat chicks so I have never tried it. They say the chicken biscuit is good.

    They also have amusing advertising and lampoon their own inability to spell filet correctly.

    They also close on Sundays, so that their employees can go to church, which is refreshing in this day and age. When I was growing up in England, that was the way it was. Everything closed on Sundays except newsagents, gas stations, and churches, and other essential services like airports, hotels and hospitals.

    I personally do not go to church, but I send my children so that they can have the fear of God instilled into them. They do not really believe in God, but they are quick to tell me when I am behaving incorrectly, so they are learning something.

  10. I find it pretty staggering that anyone anywhere gives a flying rat’s arsehole about crumbed chicken breast on a sugary bun. (I can tell by looking at the bun, that it’s sugary)

    How different can a US$3.90 Chick-Fil-A chicken burger be, to taking the meaty bits off a KFC ‘big piece’ and jamming it into a standard sugary American bun? The meat on KFC is tasty, so is the coating… the bun would fuck it up completely though.

    US$3.90 converts (roughly) to about A$5.75 at current rates; a large piece of KFC is A$3 and those fucking awful white buns are A$1.50 for half a dozen.

    Anyone who would hand over A$5.75 for a crumbed chicken breast on a sugary bun is a retard, regardless of how tasty the crumbs are.

  11. Glaivester says: • Website
    @Jonathan Mason

    It IS “from something like the Onion.” Babylon Bee is an evangelical satire site, sort of a Christian version of the Onion.

    • Replies: @Dan Hayes
  12. Dan Hayes says:
    @Glaivester

    Glaivester:

    I had never even heard of the Babylon Bee until Steve cited it. Sometimes the BB’s humor is so dry that I find it puzzling. Otherwise, it delivers very humorous and worthwhile messages!

    • Replies: @Ash Williams
    , @SFG
  13. @Jonathan Mason

    Everything closed on Sundays except newsagents, gas stations, and churches, and other essential services like airports, hotels and hospitals.

    The German professor (emeritus) who gave a talk to our summer language class said that he brought his wife and daughters into Bonn on Sundays so they could “alles sehen, und nichts kaufen”.

    For some reason, Americans are holier before noon on Sunday, Europeans after.

  14. @Jonathan Mason

    I personally do not go to church, but I send my children so that they can have the fear of God instilled into them. They do not really believe in God, but they are quick to tell me when I am behaving incorrectly, so they are learning something.

    The ‘something’ they’re learning is spelt “h-y-p-o-c-r-i-s-y”.

    As to ‘fear of [imaginary friend]’: in most Jesus-cult denominations they’re very very careful to only tell kiddies the nice bits about Yahweh and his DadSelfSon.

    And anyway – you’re doomed, because you’re ignoring what you’re supposed to be doing.

    They should be taught to be scared of you, because you’re supposed to take the nonsense seriously and follow Yahweh’s exhortation ( Deuteronomy 21:18-21) – i.e. you’re supposed to defame them, and then kill them.

    If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

    19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

    20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. [WTF??? Where’d that come from??]

    21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

    It’s worth noting that 18-21 is the whole narrative: the kid is ‘stubborn’ and ‘rebellious’ and disobedient… but Yahweh tells the parents to tell the others who will help kill the kid, that the kid’s a glutton and a drunkard.

    What the fuck is it with the whole “embellishment” thing? It’s like these fuckers can’t resist over-egging the pudding. Nek minnit, Geysers of Blood.

  15. Anonymous[182] • Disclaimer says:

    1st generation founds it.

    2nd generation expands

    3rd generation, no sorry, non family COO pisses it away.

  16. anonymous[684] • Disclaimer says:
    @Jonathan Mason

    wwebd said – dude that was well written.

    That being said, it is too bad that you do not send your children to a church where the well-meaning preacher is competent enough to convince your children that God exists.

    Which He does by the way, people make fun of me for saying this —– and I am amused at their attitude — but I have spoken, person to person, to some of God’s angels ( cor ad cor loquitur ) —- and look, I know it is sad that you live in a time of disbelief, it can’t be easy for a father of many children —– and potentially tens of thousands or more descendants —- to live in such an age …..

    well all I can say is, good for you for doing what you can, and maybe it is my fault for not having spent my youth training enough good preachers to be more ubiquitous in places where their ubiquity would be useful to you and your descendants ….. I mean, maybe that would be a better world, maybe not.

    • Replies: @Jonathan Mason
  17. indocon says:

    An on the ground update from our favorite SWPL places – Lafeyette.

    https://www.eastbaytimes.com/2019/11/27/sheriffs-office-increases-patrol-efforts-in-lafayette-and-orinda/

    Lafayette is next to Orinda where the Oakland thugs rented a mansion from a Chinese doctor for Halloween party which surprise surprise led to a shooting killing 4 people. And guess what… the Contra Costa County DA decides against prosecuting anybody for that:
    https://www.sfchronicle.com/crime/article/Orinda-shooting-Contra-Costa-DA-s-office-14844895.php

    Sometimes I wonder if the world is interconnected with a bunch of iStevisims. Call it Steve’s law of relativity.

    Lafayette BTW is 85% White, right next to Oakland, and voted something like 75% for Clinton!

    • Replies: @Redneck farmer
  18. @Dan Hayes

    Sometimes the BB’s humor is so dry that I find it puzzling.

    You know you’re living in the End Times when it’s hard to tell if the BB is reporting or trolling.

    • Agree: Dan Hayes
  19. SFG says:
    @Dan Hayes

    It’s centered around evangelical culture, so there are things that don’t make sense outside of it (stereotypes about pastors and so on). I like it as a right-leaning Onion.

    • Agree: Dan Hayes
  20. Kirt says:

    For me, the golden standard of southern food, including fried chicken, will always be that set by my Grand-mother. Chik-fil-A is terrible on service and terrible on product. They’re even worse than KFC and I’m a native Kentuckian. I’ll have to try Popeye’s and Church’s.

    • Replies: @Smithsonian_6
  21. @Jonathan Mason

    You should definitely start eating chicks. You’ll get invited to dinner more often and you won’t have to settle for cows.

    Don’t be a turkey. Happy Thanksgiving.

    • Replies: @Jonathan Mason
  22. Mr. Anon says:

    I first tried Chick-fil-A after they made the news by defying Big Homo. It was a political choice, but I found that their food is – for fast food – pretty good. So I’ve gone back with some regularity.

    Now, that they have caved in and accomodated The Poz, I say to Hell with them. You want to turn your back on all those people who loyally patronized your business? Screw Chick-fil-A. I’ll brown-bag it.

  23. This whole Chik Fil A thing will be the ultimate test of the ‘get woke, go broke’ hypothosis. When the company was taking heat for its religious outlook, a lot of people went out of their way to patronize and defend it. Many (myself included) see this as a backstab. The company was winning big time, and it cowered. It’s dead to me now.

    BTW, you’d think an explicitly Christian company would know something about pieces of silver.

    • Replies: @Tlotsi
  24. @Reg Cæsar

    For those wondering, “alles sehen, und nichts kaufen” means “see everything, and buy nothing”.

    • Replies: @Harry Baldwin
  25. Chick-Fil-A should be fine. After all, when you give someone an inch, they are usually satisfied and don’t want a mile.

    • Replies: @El Dato
  26. El Dato says:
    @ScarletNumber

    An statue of the blue-haired body-affirmative Goddess of Diversity, a baked cake in one hand, and fasces in the other, her face distorted in a twitter shriek, will be set up in the entrance so that you can perform ritual prayers and offerings before your lunch.

  27. @Reg Cæsar

    For some reason, Americans are holier before noon on Sunday, Europeans after.

    I have a chapel on my grounds, so I can be sanctimonius seven days to Sunday. One of my not-quite-so-local Supermarchés is open Sunday mornings, so I guess I buck some of the American Sunday habits.

  28. @schnellandine

    The Babylon Bee regularly goes there, which the Onion doesn’t have the guts to do.

    I first wrote about the #3 guy at the Babylon Bee about a half decade ago when I praised “Axe Cop,” which is some kind of digital show about a cop who goes around chopping bad guys heads off with an axe. It was created by a 20-something and his 5-year-old brother.

  29. @Mr. Anon

    I did the same and they lost my business.

    A friend told me that there was a three-mile lineup on Route 10, Morris Plains, NJ, last June when a Chick-fil-a opened. They had a loyal fanbase and just lost it accomodating the poz.

    Get woke, go broke.

  30. @Buzz Mohawk

    You should definitely start eating chicks.

    Don’t be a turkey. Happy Thanksgiving.

    I had a dream last night in which 100 turkeys pardoned one man by a 61-39 majority vote.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    • LOL: Redneck farmer
  31. @anonymous

    That being said, it is too bad that you do not send your children to a church where the well-meaning preacher is competent enough to convince your children that God exists.

    The concept of God is really too nebulous to be understood by anyone.

    Once children stop believing in Santa Claus, then the writing is on the wall and it just takes a while for them to join up the dots and realize that asking Alexa for a weather forecast is a better way of finding out whether their soccer game will be cancelled than praying to Jesus for fine weather.

    As Voltaire said, God created man, and man has been returning the favor ever since, so primitive churches tend to have a primitive God.

    He also said:

    It is characteristic of fanatics who read the holy scriptures to tell themselves: God killed, so I must kill; Abraham lied, Jacob deceived, Rachel stole: so I must steal, deceive, lie. But, wretch, you are neither Rachel, nor Jacob, nor Abraham, nor God; you are just a mad fool, and the popes who forbade the reading of the Bible were extremely wise.

  32. Anon[403] • Disclaimer says:
    @J.Ross

    Funny line uttered by Congresswoman played by Queen Latifah on 30 Rock:

    “Why is it that NBC looks about as diverse as a Wilco concert?”

  33. @The Last Real Calvinist

    Indeed; yet according to Franklin
    Graham, he talked to the Cathey boys and said everything is kosher at Chick-fil-A. Go figure.

  34. MBlanc46 says:
    @Intelligent Dasein

    I fancy myself pretty bright, but there are some folks round here who make it clear that, compared to them, I’m just upper middle.

  35. MBlanc46 says:
    @Jonathan Mason

    The really clever theologians have realized that God can never be understood. God must be ineffable. An effable God can always be cast into doubt by any halfway intelligent bloke.

  36. @Achmed E. Newman

    “included a part about the people at the counter continuing to carry on conversations after you the customer walk up”

    Last time I returned an item, the black women at the service counter of Lowes didn’t just carry on their conversation, they admired their painted nails, look into hand mirrors to check their (appalling) hair dos along with the cake-icing plastered on their faces, adjusted the alignment of their purple eye lashes etc. etc.

    Nothing was done promptly or correctly. The store is the dirtiest I have ever been into. Piles of cement and sand etc. lay about on the floor. Wood all incorrectly misstocked. The cashier told me that Lowes color codes the plywood with an edge band because the help can’t understand how 5/8″ differs from 3/8″ and the difference between 1/2″ exterior vs. 1/2″ interior and so on.

    I would imagine the theft out the back door is crippling.

    • Replies: @The Wild Geese Howard
  37. Amusing. My own experience with McDonalds is more like walking into an INS detainment facility. It’s mostly middle aged fat mestizo women shouting in Spaxican with an occasional “Cahn I hhhalp joo?” thrown in.

    • Replies: @El Dato
  38. @MBlanc46

    The really clever theologians have realized that God can never be understood. God must be ineffable.

    Actually that is quite a good definition of God–that which cannot be understood, the God of the Gaps. Explaining God is like explaining infinity as the point where two parallel lines meet. It has a definition, and exists in the dictionary, but no matter how far you travel, you will never find it. (Nor will you ever find anybody sitting on its right hand.)

    Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
    In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_of_the_gaps

    I once met God when I was hitch hiking at twilight in the Austrian alps in 1968, but that is another story. He was using a Mercedes as his regular chariot of fire was in the shop.

  39. Borzoi talks about consumerist identity, and while black females and transsexuals are the ultimate consumerist identities (trans especially),
    stuff like Chik Fil A shows why this makes the Right look stupid as well.

    Everyone doing a 180 on Chik Fil A because it bent the knee to globohomo jihad. Not saying they shouldnt, but consume chicken sandwich, get excited about chicken sandwich, consume chicken sandwich isn’t a coherent philosophy.

    It’s why cheezeborger vs. socialism as a battle plan by YAF/TPUSA is so retarded, which is likely the point considering who funds them. Why discuss something like a coherent national identity when you can talk about how much cheap plastic shit from China you can buy?

  40. @The Last Real Calvinist

    Evidently it was the result of some sort of philanthropist for a day thing and not reflective of the general giving philosophy of the Board, but of course like everyone else in their class they’re totally tone deaf to the rampant anti-Christian bigotry that surrounds them.

    It really is a remarkable example of motivated obliviousness.

  41. @MBlanc46

    Yeah, except for that Jesus guy.

    Autism and theology don’t mix.

  42. @Jonathan Mason

    Voltaire was an idiot, even more so his midwit followers who take his criticisms of the fabricated enlightenment pseudo-history of the church as gospel truth. Your own total shallowness is evidenced by your own “disproof” of God; that I can’t use him to control the weather proves he doesn’t exist. The kind of zero insight “pithy” quotes atheists like to regurgitate confirms this; that they only attack the most naive and stupid arguments “in favor” of God betrays that these were the kind of naive and stupid arguments that formerly convinced them. God isn’t a genie whom I can boss around, therefore he is a lie. Such immensely inane people, so totally lacking in insight have nothing of value to offer anyone.

    The Church is the font of morals, faith, and virtue, not a weather control machine, or a spell to make gold rain from the sky, so apologies to a boar such as yourself who’s only interested in the latter. But since you seem to value accurate predictions, you might consider the shallow materialism of the ignoramus Voltaire predicts a utopia free of ignorance and superstition, has it delivered? Or produced a world of madness and pervasive superstition, where a man who destroys his penis is a woman and one’s own ethnic annihilation is a moral imperative?

    • Replies: @Jonathan Mason
  43. @Jonathan Mason

    “God of the gaps” incredible. You are a very shallow idiot.

  44. Anonymous[974] • Disclaimer says:

    The atheists are winning because they have God on their side.

  45. What’s the over/under number of years (or maybe months) until CFA starts flying the rainbow flag?

  46. El Dato says:
    @MikeatMikedotMike

    The correct answer is “I’m not Jewish!!”

  47. ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A has announced a major change in the production of its delicious chicken sandwiches.

    There is nothing delicious about the factory farmed, hormone-filled chickens that fast food outlets all over the de/industrialised world retail to punters. Some relatives of mine used to run a farm – in the North of Scotland – where they kept free range chickens. As roast chicken or coq au vin, they were delicious, especially after I had strangled them myself. If you have to kill another animal, eating it yourself is the highest compliment.

  48. @Kirt

    For me, the golden standard of southern food, including fried chicken, will always be that set by my Grand-mother

    Perhaps you would do your bit for humanity by posting the recipe and cooking method?

  49. @ScarletNumber

    Thank you. I have no idea why people post things that most people won’t understand.

    • Replies: @schnellandine
  50. @Harry Baldwin

    I have no idea why people post things that most people won’t understand.

    I’d wager you’ve an idea, but are polite.

    • Agree: Harry Baldwin
  51. Anonymous[386] • Disclaimer says:

    Didn’t Chick-fil-A trial opening a restaurant in the UK but had to close it in a matter of months as the company’s position on gay rights is not acceptable to British people?

  52. Not Raul says:

    It would have been an improvement if some of the schools I went to as a kid had hired McDonalds to train their teachers.

  53. Tlotsi says:
    @South Texas Guy

    It’s not about the money. It’s about wanting to be invited to all the right cocktail parties.

  54. @ThreeCranes

    Friend, that’s just daily life in a vibrant society.

  55. Dan Hayes says:
    @Tlotsi

    Being invited to the right cocktail parties especially holds for US Supreme Court Justices (except for Justice Thomas who has devoted decades to getting even!).

  56. Hopefully, Chick-fil-a retains the oversight of selecting the new hires it has McDonalds train. But the arrangement will unavoidably mix McBurgler DNA with Chick-fil-a. And maybe McDonalds is hoping to luer some of Fil-a’s recruits away with a bit of battle pay. They can’t get those same recruits through their own HR philosophical rules after all.

  57. anonymous[391] • Disclaimer says:
    @Jonathan Mason

    wwebd said —– Jonathan Mason – I get what you are saying, but I’m gonna disagree a little – I am a likable guy, in real life you would think hey if you were rich life would be good if you had a friend like me, you know, nobody has ever played a round of golf with me and said, hey I did not have a good time, and on top of that, I have, in the kindness of my heart, made people laugh when they thought they were going to die in the next few moments (I have a military and a medical background…. just saying). Seriously/ I am on the side of the poor in heart.

    The popes who forbade the reading of the Bible are all now, at best, in Purgatory, hoping that people like me are praying for them. Don’t lump me in with those losers, I want everyone to read the Bible, I quote the Bible in every other sentence I speak …..

    Trust me, God exists. Think about all the good things you have been given in life, and then think about this —-
    I who have seen friends of God face to face, have also seen, in a vision, what this world would be like if God did not exist.

    You do not want to see what I saw, trust me. The good things you have in life would not exist in a godless universe – again I say trust me, but I completely understand if you don’t.

  58. @Athletic and Whitesplosive

    Your own total shallowness is evidenced by your own “disproof” of God; that I can’t use him to control the weather proves he doesn’t exist.

    I am not using this as a “disproof” of the existence of God, but just pointing out that from a child’s point of view Alexa and God are more or less peers.

    Children believe in Santa Claus for a short interregnum between learning to speak and learning to ask questions, but they soon realize that writing letters to Santa Claus is not as effective as speaking directly to mommy and daddy, or asking Alexa to put the items on mommy or daddy’s Amazon searches.

    The origins of religion seem to go back to fertility cults which had a lot to do with hopefully getting favorable weather from God in exchange for paying off the priesthood. In a land flowing with milk and honey, you are going to need enough rain to make green grass for the cattle and flowers for the bees, so the relationship between God and weather forecasting has always existed.

    In the Christian religion it is not a complete coincidence that the holy sacraments of bread and wine are Mediterranean area agricultural products, and that the sacrificial Lamb of God is another.

    Olive oil is another commodity that is was significant in the Biblical economy and used to anoint kings, provide fuel for lamps, and for nutrition. Olive groves require a subtropical climate with mild winters and may be severely damaged by temperatures that drop below 22F or hailstorms and can also be affected by plagues of pests, which the Bible say are punishments from God.

    22 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that hail will fall all over Egypt—on people and animals and on everything growing in the fields of Egypt.” 23 When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the LORD sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed down to the ground. So the LORD rained hail on the land of Egypt; 24 hail fell and lightning flashed back and forth. It was the worst storm in all the land of Egypt since it had become a nation. 25 Throughout Egypt hail struck everything in the fields—both people and animals; it beat down everything growing in the fields and stripped every tree.

    • Replies: @Gabe Ruth
  59. Gabe Ruth says:
    @Jonathan Mason

    Gee now that you mention it everything was fine before Alexa became a thing.

  60. @Tlotsi

    It’s not about the money. It’s about wanting to be invited to all the right cocktail parties.

    You are correct sir. This is one of those things that I understand, but don’t at the same time. I guess it’s outlook or something. As long as I have a roof over my head, a vehicle that starts when I turn the key, and a few extra bucks for mad money, I’m OK. I guess it’s the ‘hole in the heart’ conundrum.

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