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Breaking News: Berkeley Campus on Lockdown
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Berkeley Campus On Lockdown After Loose Pages From ‘Wall Street Journal’ Found On Park Bench

NEWS IN BRIEF
4.20.17

BERKELEY, CA—Advising students to remain in their dormitories and classrooms until the situation was resolved, the University of California, Berkeley declared a campuswide lockdown Thursday after several loose pages from The Wall Street Journal were found on a park bench outside a school building. “At 11:15 this morning, several pages from two separate sections of today’s Wall Street Journal were discovered spread across a bench outside of Eshleman Hall in Lower Sproul Plaza,” read the urgent alert sent to all students and faculty, emphasizing that while campus security and local police had safely disposed of the pages, there was no way of knowing if others were strewn elsewhere on university grounds. … At press time, a black-clad group of 50 students were throwing bottles at the bench while chanting, “No Nazis, No KKK, No Fascist U.S.A!”

From The Onion

If you’ve lost Haim Saban’s Onion …

 
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  1. Articles like this from the “Onion” need a larger readership. This is comedy gold. Unfortunately the intended target will not appreciated the satire.

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  2. In other news:

    Ann Coulter told Fox News the decision to nix her planned speaking event next week at the University of California, Berkeley, wouldn’t keep her from showing up.
    “What are they going to do? Arrest me?” she asked Tucker Carlson on Wednesday night. “No, I am definitely giving the speech.”

    Enough already! Have the innocent students not suffered enough from the First Amendment Fascists .

    Read More
  3. Weaponized autism:
    How 4Chan /pol/ FOUND The ANTIFA BIKE LOCK ATTACKER – The WHOLE STORY in 2 Minutes

    Read More
  4. This is good. It’s just short of too on the nose really. If one of those pages had featured an editorial defending Charles Murray and was placed conspicuously, a lock-down is quite plausible.

    Maybe Hollywood doesn’t satire the Left because the story editors would be driven batty.

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    • Replies: @The Plutonium Kid
    They don't satirize the left because they don't recognize the insanity as insanity.
  5. @Dennis Dale
    This is good. It's just short of too on the nose really. If one of those pages had featured an editorial defending Charles Murray and was placed conspicuously, a lock-down is quite plausible.

    Maybe Hollywood doesn't satire the Left because the story editors would be driven batty.

    They don’t satirize the left because they don’t recognize the insanity as insanity.

    Read More
  6. WSJ is considered to be too mein-kampfy for SJW,

    but

    SJW are not considered to be too mein-kampfy for WSJ.

    Read More
  7. If you’ve lost Haim Saban’s Onion …

    Pestis, furcifer! You are on a roll! No, you are on a tear!

    Keep your life insurance paid up. And do be careful. God forbid, but the tard-mob may find you. And none of us will be close enough to help.

    Read More
  8. During WW2 it was common for planes to fly over Japanese occupied territory and drop propaganda in the local language on one side and English on the other. Getting caught with with a leaflet was instant death but it would also provoke severe reprisals by the Japs who would go on a rampage in an attempt to assuage their humiliation. It would have been safer if they had just dropped bombs.

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  9. From ’00 to ’06 in Berkeley, I read the WSJ every day for free. The reason was they were dumping it at every frat, sorority and rooming house within a half-mile of campus. As far as I could tell, nobody in town was the least bit interested in it.

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    • Replies: @Anon
    Same with National Review at Harvard - free to my dorm the whole time.
  10. Anon says:     Show CommentNext New Comment
    @marty
    From '00 to '06 in Berkeley, I read the WSJ every day for free. The reason was they were dumping it at every frat, sorority and rooming house within a half-mile of campus. As far as I could tell, nobody in town was the least bit interested in it.

    Same with National Review at Harvard – free to my dorm the whole time.

    Read More
  11. Funny thing is, the Murdock-owned WSJ editorial page is all in for open borders and other parts of the Globalist agenda. In other words, the Murdock-owned WSJ is rather left wing, in the Globalist-Big Business style.

    Q.: “Isn’t left wing Big Business an oxymoron?”

    Ans. : No.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Forbes
    I've subscribed for 30 years, read it regularly even longer (my father subscribed), and am seriously considering dropping it as it has adopted the Davos/Globalist/Open Borders Big Business agenda. In other words, it is indistinguishable from the rest of Old Media.
  12. If you’ve lost Haim Saban’s Onion …

    The swarthy, Egyptian-born Saban told NPR’s How I Built This of his teen years in Israel.

    He was dating a girl whose parents had come from Poland. The girl’s mother told her, “If you bring that black animal into this house, I will throw myself off the balcony and kill myself.” So they made out in the garden.

    Read More
    • Replies: @bored identity
    And that's exactly how the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers got conceived....
  13. The Onion has a lot of non- or even anti-PC stuff in its archives. They still publish such things on occasion, but it seems perfunctory rather than an honest commitment to cross-ideological satire.

    “Sexism Rampant in Nature” is still their most subversive article. I wonder who wrote that one? It came out in 2002. Ah, the post-9/11 years . . .

    “To mate, the male Galapagos tortoise simply immobilizes the female with his weight, which, as far as I’m concerned, qualifies as non-consensual sex,” Tannen says.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Prof. Woland
    The tortoise just has to pay 18 years of alimony and child support.
  14. @David Davenport
    Funny thing is, the Murdock-owned WSJ editorial page is all in for open borders and other parts of the Globalist agenda. In other words, the Murdock-owned WSJ is rather left wing, in the Globalist-Big Business style.

    Q.: "Isn't left wing Big Business an oxymoron?"

    Ans. : No.

    I’ve subscribed for 30 years, read it regularly even longer (my father subscribed), and am seriously considering dropping it as it has adopted the Davos/Globalist/Open Borders Big Business agenda. In other words, it is indistinguishable from the rest of Old Media.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Bill Jones
    I dropped it fifteen years ago because it was full of mendacious neocon propaganda.


    There's no way in hell I'm subsidizing that.
  15. Someone should leave excerpts from Charles Murray’s The Bell Curve around the Berkeley campus. They’re be so many melting snowflakes the place would probably drown in a flood.

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  16. @Seth Largo
    The Onion has a lot of non- or even anti-PC stuff in its archives. They still publish such things on occasion, but it seems perfunctory rather than an honest commitment to cross-ideological satire.

    "Sexism Rampant in Nature" is still their most subversive article. I wonder who wrote that one? It came out in 2002. Ah, the post-9/11 years . . .

    "To mate, the male Galapagos tortoise simply immobilizes the female with his weight, which, as far as I'm concerned, qualifies as non-consensual sex," Tannen says.

    The tortoise just has to pay 18 years of alimony and child support.

    Read More
  17. Anonymous says:     Show CommentNext New Comment

    The fact that it actually looked like a true story until I saw at the bottom “From the Onion” , speaks volumes about the state of the US these days under the delusional liberal elite ideology. It’s done. Time to start looking for another country to call home.

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  18. @Reg Cæsar

    If you’ve lost Haim Saban’s Onion …
     
    The swarthy, Egyptian-born Saban told NPR's How I Built This of his teen years in Israel.

    He was dating a girl whose parents had come from Poland. The girl's mother told her, "If you bring that black animal into this house, I will throw myself off the balcony and kill myself." So they made out in the garden.

    And that’s exactly how the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers got conceived….

    Read More
  19. @Forbes
    I've subscribed for 30 years, read it regularly even longer (my father subscribed), and am seriously considering dropping it as it has adopted the Davos/Globalist/Open Borders Big Business agenda. In other words, it is indistinguishable from the rest of Old Media.

    I dropped it fifteen years ago because it was full of mendacious neocon propaganda.

    There’s no way in hell I’m subsidizing that.

    Read More

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