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Why Won't My Mexican Cleaning Ladies Speak Spanish?
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Dear Mexican: I employ two lovely ladies who clean my home and take care of my toddler two days a week when I go out to run errands. They are loving and kind and take superb care of her. My daughter adores them and they adore her. From the minute I brought my baby home, I have asked them to speak Spanish to the baby so she would grow up bilingual. For some reason, they will not do it, unless I really push them, and then they speak Spanglish to her, as in, “Do you want more leche?” That isn’t going to help my child learn Spanish.

What really frustrates me is that their English is not all that great. I don’t want my child pronouncing shoes as choos, and chicken as shicken, and I don’t want her using no double negatives. My husband and I speak English very well, and we can teach our child English. What we don’t do is speak colloquial Spanish, which is where I hoped these ladies would help us. The frustrating parts are that they speak Spanish to one another all the time, just not to my child; and one of them is convinced that my child will grow up speaking Spanish and comments on it, even as I ask her repeatedly (and pointedly) how that will happen when she barely speaks two words to my daughter in Spanish the whole time she is in my house?

I don’t get it—why will they speak Spanish to one another and not to my baby, even when I have asked them and asked them to speak it to her? As I understand it, even if she doesn’t grow up speaking Spanish, just hearing it now will develop neural pathways in her brain that will make it easier for her to learn foreign languages later in life.

Spanglish No Me Gusta!

Dear I Don’t Like Spanglish: Did you know that conservative icon William F. Buckley’s first language was Spanish? Taught to him in Mexico by a nanny. I’m sure Buckley’s parents didn’t hover over the niñera every moment, demanding she teach their son a certain Spanish to their exacting standards; after all, the nanny was the person who knew Spanish, not the parents, so they knew to stay the hell out of the way. Do you think your toddler doesn’t listen to the ladies speaking Spanish and absorb it all? You’re insulting the help and your child—and hating Spanglish? Vete to pinche hell, pendeja.

ORDER IT NOW

I’ve noticed a pattern among Mexican men: they seem to be able to focus on large breasts and asses to the exclusion of everything else on a female. She could be the fattest, ugliest, nastiest-looking chick in town (often, she doesn’t even need to be Mexican), and they’ll still go nuts for her ample T-and-A. In the past, I’ve even heard lascivious remarks about Rosie O’Donnell! Rosie O’Donnell? Please shed some light.

More of a Eyes Guy

Dear Gabacho: Mexican men are so obsessed with tits and ass that we coined the sacrilegious puns “chichis Christ” (“Tits Christ,” a play on “Jesus Christ”) and “nálgame Diós” (“Ass me, God,” from the expression “¡Válgame Diós!”—“Oh, my God”). Why the curve addiction? Nature, son—same reason nearly all the Paleolithic Venus figurines were of BBWs and not a flaca. And don’t forget hips—glorious, sumptuous caderas, cabrón.

 

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

 
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  1. Pepe says:

    Busted!!

    Today’s “question”:

    “I don’t want my child pronouncing shoes as choos, and chicken as shicken.”

    “Question” from 8/18/16:

    “Why do Mexicans pronounce “shower” as “chower” but “chicken” as “shicken”?”

    BTW, I live in Mexico and some of the natives attempt to speak to me in English. Trust me. The “shicken v. chicken” is not on the radar of offenses.

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  2. To: “Spanglish No Me Gusta”

    Suck it up rich Güera piruja and quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    And when it’s all done, you’ll have a bilingual daughter whose shickechit Castillian Spanish still isn’t gonna help her when she’s fourteen and they’re passing her around in MacArthur Park

    Read More
    • Replies: @iffen
    quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    Winner! Winner! Shicken dinner!
  3. Alfa158 says:

    That woman is lucky her maids speak Spanish at all. For many Mexicans Spanish is not their first language any more than English. There are 150,000 Mixtecs living in California whose language is Ñudzahui (see Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto). The LA school district had to go find translators when Mexican kids started showing up in the schools who didn’t speak Spanish either.
    Those cleaning ladies may not be all that comfortable in Spanish, but maybe they can help the nice White lady’s kiddies get up to speed on Ñudzahui. Now THAT would impress their friends!

    Read More
  4. iffen says:
    @Jim Bob Lassiter
    To: "Spanglish No Me Gusta"

    Suck it up rich Güera piruja and quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you're out "running errands" in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    And when it's all done, you'll have a bilingual daughter whose shickechit Castillian Spanish still isn't gonna help her when she's fourteen and they're passing her around in MacArthur Park

    quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    Winner! Winner! Shicken dinner!

    Read More
    • Replies: @Jim Bob Lassiter
    Winner! Winner! Shicken dinner!

    No, no! -- That's Weiner! Weiner! Shicken deiner!
  5. @iffen
    quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    Winner! Winner! Shicken dinner!

    Winner! Winner! Shicken dinner!

    No, no! — That’s Weiner! Weiner! Shicken deiner!

    Read More
  6. Not all Mexican immigrants speak Spanish. Some speak Indian languages or a mixture of Spanish and Indian languages.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Jim Bob Lassiter
    All the more reason to ask yourself the following:

    If, after 500 or so years of Spanish rule/linguistic hedgemony, the populations you refer to haven't (for whatever reasons you care to proffer) acquired the Spanish proficiency of a properly educated fourth grader, what would make them a "good fit" in our society today?
  7. @Lynn in Florida
    Not all Mexican immigrants speak Spanish. Some speak Indian languages or a mixture of Spanish and Indian languages.

    All the more reason to ask yourself the following:

    If, after 500 or so years of Spanish rule/linguistic hedgemony, the populations you refer to haven’t (for whatever reasons you care to proffer) acquired the Spanish proficiency of a properly educated fourth grader, what would make them a “good fit” in our society today?

    Read More
    • Replies: @Johann Ricke

    All the more reason to ask yourself the following:

    If, after 500 or so years of Spanish rule/linguistic hedgemony, the populations you refer to haven’t (for whatever reasons you care to proffer) acquired the Spanish proficiency of a properly educated fourth grader, what would make them a “good fit” in our society today?
     
    That they've had the good sense to reject the dead hand of Mexican cultural and linguistic influences might actually be a point in their favor. What's more likely is that the Mexican state, in its corruption, incompetence or simple indifference, failed to ensure that the children of its indigenous population got educated. Which is how a land with stupendous natural resources in addition to being next to the largest single market in the world is merely a middle income country.
  8. iffen says:

    what would make them a “good fit” in our society today

    What is the selection criteria? They get here, so that counts for something. No one is rejecting them because they haven’t learned to speak Spanish.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Jim Bob Lassiter
    Cheap, docile, disposable and with little standing. What's not to like about that?
  9. @iffen
    what would make them a “good fit” in our society today

    What is the selection criteria? They get here, so that counts for something. No one is rejecting them because they haven't learned to speak Spanish.

    Cheap, docile, disposable and with little standing. What’s not to like about that?

    Read More
    • Replies: @iffen
    What’s not to like about that?<

    We have too many homegrown ones already.

    I just wanted to make the point that just because Slim can speak proper Spanish, I don't consider him preferable over Hosea, or whatever the most common name is in Guatemala.
    , @iffen
    quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    eliminating the waiver requirement will allow school districts to ensure that those very politically-engaged upper-middle-class Anglo families are provided a sufficient number of working-class Latino immigrant children to act as unpaid Spanish-language classroom tutors for their own. Even during the original Prop. 227 campaign I regularly encountered vehement protests by numerous dual-immersion Anglo parents
  10. iffen says:
    @Jim Bob Lassiter
    Cheap, docile, disposable and with little standing. What's not to like about that?

    What’s not to like about that?<

    We have too many homegrown ones already.

    I just wanted to make the point that just because Slim can speak proper Spanish, I don't consider him preferable over Hosea, or whatever the most common name is in Guatemala.

    Read More
  11. Comanche says:

    Why does this hate filled Mexican even bother with his inane ramblings. It’s obvious he has no genuine desire to talk to the average commenter here who skims his column, and it’s also obvious that if there were any vigor to his writing when he started, he’s long since packed it in. Time to head on over to some La Raza site Mexican and stop this farce.

    My bet is your getting paid to write this drivel which is why you keep it up, but god it is boring.

    You’re not even a unique Mexican supremacist with different ideas that no one’s heard before, you’re just a run of the mill ungrateful minority who actually thinks because Whitey’s been cowed for a while by a hostile tribe in charge of our government, that your race is the natural victor in the coming battles.

    That notion will be disabused of shortly and your race will quickly revert to worshipping whites as God’s in fearful patheticness.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Intelligent Dasein
    Gustavo is a scrawny, ugly, halitosis-plagued sack of shit from a race of trash, and the only gabachas he's bedding are the ones in the morgue, the sick fuck. All he knows how to do is verbally bash the country that actually pays him a living to write his drivel. He is, at best, a less funny version of George Lopez, if that's possible.
    , @Jim Bob Lassiter
    Now don't beat up Gus so bad that they take him down from this site. That would take away a significant source of my daily light hearted amusement.
  12. iffen says:
    @Jim Bob Lassiter
    Cheap, docile, disposable and with little standing. What's not to like about that?

    quit your perpetual bottom feeding for the last fucking nickel in labor costs while you’re out “running errands” in Malibu. Hire a proper bilingual au-pair with some credentials and pay her better than wetback toilet scrubber wages.

    eliminating the waiver requirement will allow school districts to ensure that those very politically-engaged upper-middle-class Anglo families are provided a sufficient number of working-class Latino immigrant children to act as unpaid Spanish-language classroom tutors for their own. Even during the original Prop. 227 campaign I regularly encountered vehement protests by numerous dual-immersion Anglo parents

    Read More
  13. @Comanche
    Why does this hate filled Mexican even bother with his inane ramblings. It's obvious he has no genuine desire to talk to the average commenter here who skims his column, and it's also obvious that if there were any vigor to his writing when he started, he's long since packed it in. Time to head on over to some La Raza site Mexican and stop this farce.

    My bet is your getting paid to write this drivel which is why you keep it up, but god it is boring.

    You're not even a unique Mexican supremacist with different ideas that no one's heard before, you're just a run of the mill ungrateful minority who actually thinks because Whitey's been cowed for a while by a hostile tribe in charge of our government, that your race is the natural victor in the coming battles.

    That notion will be disabused of shortly and your race will quickly revert to worshipping whites as God's in fearful patheticness.

    Gustavo is a scrawny, ugly, halitosis-plagued sack of shit from a race of trash, and the only gabachas he’s bedding are the ones in the morgue, the sick fuck. All he knows how to do is verbally bash the country that actually pays him a living to write his drivel. He is, at best, a less funny version of George Lopez, if that’s possible.

    Read More
  14. @Jim Bob Lassiter
    All the more reason to ask yourself the following:

    If, after 500 or so years of Spanish rule/linguistic hedgemony, the populations you refer to haven't (for whatever reasons you care to proffer) acquired the Spanish proficiency of a properly educated fourth grader, what would make them a "good fit" in our society today?

    All the more reason to ask yourself the following:

    If, after 500 or so years of Spanish rule/linguistic hedgemony, the populations you refer to haven’t (for whatever reasons you care to proffer) acquired the Spanish proficiency of a properly educated fourth grader, what would make them a “good fit” in our society today?

    That they’ve had the good sense to reject the dead hand of Mexican cultural and linguistic influences might actually be a point in their favor. What’s more likely is that the Mexican state, in its corruption, incompetence or simple indifference, failed to ensure that the children of its indigenous population got educated. Which is how a land with stupendous natural resources in addition to being next to the largest single market in the world is merely a middle income country.

    Read More
  15. iffen says:

    That they’ve had the good sense to reject the dead hand

    Should we try to see the distinction between “giving up on” and rejection? Not just for mestizos, but for believers in liberal democracy for the US.

    Read More
  16. @Comanche
    Why does this hate filled Mexican even bother with his inane ramblings. It's obvious he has no genuine desire to talk to the average commenter here who skims his column, and it's also obvious that if there were any vigor to his writing when he started, he's long since packed it in. Time to head on over to some La Raza site Mexican and stop this farce.

    My bet is your getting paid to write this drivel which is why you keep it up, but god it is boring.

    You're not even a unique Mexican supremacist with different ideas that no one's heard before, you're just a run of the mill ungrateful minority who actually thinks because Whitey's been cowed for a while by a hostile tribe in charge of our government, that your race is the natural victor in the coming battles.

    That notion will be disabused of shortly and your race will quickly revert to worshipping whites as God's in fearful patheticness.

    Now don’t beat up Gus so bad that they take him down from this site. That would take away a significant source of my daily light hearted amusement.

    Read More
  17. I don’t see what was wrong with the lady’s respectful request. If they are either not willing or not able to do so, they should say so.

    Most likely, they are just losers. Even if their low pay was important, get some other low-paid ones that speak Spanish and are decent human beings.

    Read More
  18. Jefferson says:

    “I’ve noticed a pattern among Mexican men: they seem to be able to focus on large breasts and asses to the exclusion of everything else on a female. She could be the fattest, ugliest, nastiest-looking chick in town”

    Most Mexican men are also ugly, fat, and nasty looking. So you can’t expect them to have high standards when it comes to women.

    Most Latino celebrity male sex symbols in The U.S are not even Mexican. Rodrigo Santoro is Brazilian, Alex Rodriguez is Dominican, Antonio Banderas is a Spaniard, Enrique Iglesias is a Spaniard, Freddie Prinze Jr. is Puerto Rican, Andy Garcia is Cuban, Benjamin Bratt is Peruvian, etc.

    Read More
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