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Why Don't Mexicans Just Apply for Citizenship?
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Dear Mexican: I asked my dad why the Mexican illegals don’t just apply for citizenship instead of coming here illegally, and he told me that they are not able to apply for citizenship. Is this true?

Wondering in Wenatchee

Dear Gabacho: They ain’t “illegals,” son: they’re “immigrants.” But even before Donald Trump became president, the citizenship path for any Mexican who came here without the prior approval of the American government, or overstayed a visa, was as rocky as the Republican Party’s hope of attracting any Mexican voters. Asylum and Temporary Protected Status are impossible, since Americans think despotic governments and natural disasters only happen to whites, and the occasional Jew. Marriage to a citizen used to be easy, but 9/11 fucked that up forever (thanks, Osama!). The most surefire way to get legal was to join the military, because rich and middle-class gabachos always love poor morenos dying for the right for them to whine. But even that didn’t stop the Obama administration from deporting veterans who committed crimes but were not yet citizens. Now, with Trump as president, the only hope for undocumented Mexicans to get amnesty is for some poblano to sneak into TrumpTower and slip some pápalo into his taco bowl; the resultant shock will allow the ghost of Zapata to take over Trump’s mind. A zacatecano can dream, ¿qué no?

Some time back, I watched a race on TV that took place in Long Beach. One of the interesting things in the race was a team of Mexican drivers (Adrian Fernández and Luís Diaz) driving an Acura race car. As a fan of world-wide racing like the American Le Mans Series, I think it’s badass when Mexicans are racing with the best of ’em. I know Mexico has a good history of racing against other drivers in America and the world, but I want readers to know, too. How much can you tell about Mexico‘s race car drivers and race tracks? Do you think this will inspire a Mexican-American out here to start learning how to race?

Just Curious


Dear Gabacho: Mexicans have always had a need for speed, whether it’s quarter-horse racing, the caballos of corridos and the Mexican Revolution, Grand Theft Auto V, the entire Fast & Furious franchise, or classic films like El Automovil Gris (The Grey Automobile) or La Camioneta Gris (The Gray Truck—sorry, why Mexicans love gray in their getaway cars might be the only pregunta about Mexican anything that I can’t answer). Race car series is a trickier affair: , Mexicans like Fernández and Daniel Suárez (who won last year’s NASCAR Xfinity Series—the first foreigner to win a title in the official sport of good ol’ chicos) have competed and done well in racing worldwide—indeed, Suárez is scheduled to compete in this weekend’s Daytona 500. But the sport is only within the grasp of the wealthiest of Mexicans due to its exorbitant yet understandable costs. Then again, Mexicans love a winner and love to spend money on their ranflas; if Suárez starts Reconquista-ing NASCAR, let’s hope he inspires Mexicans in the United States who like street racing to get their NOS-fueled Hondas off the 5 Freeway and away from all the innocent people they kill.


Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

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  1. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    A legal immigrant who became a citizen objects:

    ‘Dear Gabacho: They ain’t “illegals,” son: they’re “immigrants.”’

    They are “illegal immigrants.” Some of us took the laws seriously, didn’t engage in document forgery, fraud and identity theft. And paid all the fees, endured the waits, showed up for the interviews. And ended up getting punished because of… illegals and their scofflaw contempt for law, indicative of the worst aspects of corruption of the society we left.

    Those who came legally were our country’s best. Those who collude with smugglers and criminals to cross over knowingly starting out as lawbreakers, are not.

    • Replies: @The Plutonium Kid
  2. An anonymous legal immigrant fearful of reprisals from illegal immigrant activists, who became a citizen objects:

    “Dear Gabacho: They ain’t ‘illegals,’ son: they’re ‘immigrants.’”

    “They are ‘illegal immigrants.’ Some of us took the laws seriously, didn’t engage in document forgery, fraud and identity theft. And paid all the fees, endured the waits, showed up for the interviews. And ended up getting punished because of… illegals and their scofflaw contempt for law, indicative of the worst aspects of corruption of the society we left.

    “Those who came legally were our country’s best. Those who collude with smugglers and criminals to cross over knowingly starting out as lawbreakers, are not.”

  3. Changing words doesn’t make illegals any less illegal.

    Why did my parents bother to go through the legal system otherwise?

  4. I was reading that after Nixon changed all that into illegals, Mexicans, minorities, etc. Prior to that, Mexicans were counted with ‘whities’ since they were whites, and blacks. Now only Egyptians, are considered dark whites, hahahaha, that is fanny. So others as long as they come from outside Africa and Latin America, they are whites, so yes we do have very dark skinned whites, i.e. middle easterners, etc. So when will the madness end? What about ‘people’, or ‘humans’ etc. We even use the word ‘aliens’ as if people came from mars, can it get any worse?

    • Replies: @botazefa
  5. Escher says:

    I believe whites constitute a large majority of combat deaths and injuries in the US Army.
    This “columnist” has never once gotten his facts right.

  6. botazefa says:

    ‘Dear Gabacho: They ain’t “illegals,” son: they’re “immigrants.”’

    If the term illegals is objectionably pejorative, then certainly undocumented must be objectionable on the grounds that it obfuscates the underlying truth that the person’s presence in the United States is based upon illegal entry into the counry.

    “Ask a Mexican” contradicts him/herself when he/she states that “the only hope for undocumented Mexicans to get amnesty”

    Amesty is given for crimes committed. At a minimum, amnesty should not be given to a person who refuses to acknowledge a crime has been committed.

    Is this not logical? Perhaps I am wrong, but if I am please explain it without calling me names or erecting men of straw.

  7. botazefa says:
    @in the middle

    You were reading that Nixon “changed all that into illegals?” Illegal isn’t a nationality any more than non-hispanic white is a statement of lawbreaking. You are mixing apples and eskimos here.

    I can agree with you on this, though: “when will the madness end?”

  8. I usually don’t read Gus’s bilge (I go straight to the comments) but I did this time.

    As always, I’m amazed at Gus’s visceral, seething hatred for White people. But find a picture of him on the web and it’s obvious the blood coursing through his veins is at least 80% Spanish Conquistador with just a smear of Indian-Mestizo.

    The irony is that his passable writing skill, which he uses to attack Whites, is wholly attributable to his Conquistador DNA.

    Gus could ‘pass’ for White, and in an earlier generation would have.

    Truly a mentally diseased, self-hating weirdo.

  9. Dear Gabacho: They ain’t “illegals,” son: they’re “immigrants.”

    how the fuck am i supposed to read beyond that? There’s no talking with stupid.

    • Replies: @Jim Christian
  10. @Je Suis Omar Mateen

    “As always, I’m amazed at Gus’s visceral, seething hatred for White people”

    I’m not, hating whitie is all the rage now, just look at the snowflakes in the protests.

    we have raised an entire generation of victims with grievances to hate white people.

  11. Problem is, NASCAR is for and is full of FAGGOTS. And so Mexicans will show no interest in the end.

  12. “I think it’s badass when Mexicans are racing with the best of ‘em”

    facepalm…….only a fucking liberal would think like this. It amazes me how the liberals coddle minorities like they are children…..why would Mexicans NOT race with the best of them you stupid fuck? unless you think that somehow because they are Mexican they couldn’t for just that reason.

    shaking my head…..and people call conservatives racists.

  13. @interesting

    Just because the first thing a Mexican illegal does when he comes across is commt a felony doesn’t mean YOU should get all high and mighty about it.

  14. @Je Suis Omar Mateen

    Gus hates White people. He hates Trump, too. Fuggim.

  15. Njguy73 says:

    “The way the immigration rules are (and, on the Senate plan, will continue to be) structured, citizenship isn’t actually worth a damn unless you just have some irrational, sentimental desire to be an American. It is, in fact, a bit of a nuisance in one respect. Citizens have to do jury duty, but green card holders don’t. The positive things that citizenship gets you are the right to vote, and the right to hold certain government jobs needing security clearance. Otherwise there isn’t a whole lot of difference between citizenship and green card status. Both are liable for the same taxes; both have to register for the draft. Since only around half of U.S. citizens bother to vote in national elections, the other half would, for all practical purposes, be better off as green card holders, in that they’d be excused jury duty. And in fact there is a campaign for giving voting rights to aliens — New York City Council has debated a bill on the subject — so even in the matter of voting, citizenship may not be a benefit for much longer.”

    John Derbyshire, NRO, May 2006

  16. I just thought of a question for the gus-ster……so now he won’t need to write his own next week, so here it goes.

    Is there another nation on the planet that encourages their population to leave like Mexico does?

    Why the fuck would Mexico even care what the immigration laws were in another country UNLESS your motive was to get rid of as many of your citizens as you could?

    well i guess that’s two questions.

    • Replies: @TheJester
  17. Illegally crossing isn’t a felony. It’s a misdemeanor. Still breaking the law, and other things that are potentially felonies follow, such as identity theft and forgery.

    • Replies: @Clyde
  18. You got a whole, big, beautiful country of your own to be a Chicano in, Gus. It’s called Mexico. Why not go home, and enjoy the homeland your people made?

  19. Clyde says:
    @Fran Macadam

    Illegally crossing isn’t a felony. It’s a misdemeanor.

    Sad but true but you are still subject to deportation. If you have been deported and come back and re-enter, this is a felony but not enforced enough. Two years prison for this felony when it is enforced. But I read all time about illegals who were deported multiple times but were never prosecuted for re-entry to the US.

  20. VICB3 says:
    @Je Suis Omar Mateen

    Actually took the time to look at some photos of him on Google. Impressions:Strikes me as somebody who was smart but geeky in high school and university, and so also got picked on by the jocks and couldn’t get a date with the cute cheerleaders. *

    He’s about 38 now. Grew up in Anaheim – in the Eighties when it was still mostly Anglo – according to the piece on him in the New York Times from 2007. Therein in states that ” he tackles some questions with the gusto of someone who not only wants to set the record straight but also wants to settle scores.”

    There’s more going on here than just that of course. He claimed in the article – then – that what he writes is mostly satire mixed with truth. That might have been true ten years ago, but now he comes across mostly as a professional Aggrieved Mexican, abrasive and left-wing. That, and he’s a possible case study in Reaction Formation.

    Just a thought.


    * At college there were a whole group of these sorts of people at a sort of unofficial Hispanic/Latino/Chicano table in the dining hall, afraid or unable to mix with everybody else. They’d direct hostile glares at anybody who tried to join them, while likewise punishing anybody who tried to branch away from their little clique.

    When one of them, a supposedly brilliant artist who seemed to lead the group, got arrested for stealing cars, there was a part of me that secretly was very glad. Schadenfreude.

  21. TheJester says:

    Mexico cares about the descendants of the Spanish Conquistadors and other White immigrants from Europe … the 10% of the population that rules Mexico and always will.

    It’s the campesinos they want to get rid of … the Amerindians who otherwise might someday assert their civil rights — you know, affirmative action and the rest of the package designed to give them a share of the wealth.

    The American Revolution was pressed to free Americans from the British colonial system of exploitation and oppression. The Mexican Revolution was a counter-revolution against a liberal Spanish government in order to keep the original Spanish colonial system of exploitation and oppression in place. It’s still in place. That’s why the campesinos trek to El Norte by the millions for a better life. Ann Coulter estimates that at least 25% of Mexico’s population … 30 million people … now lives in the United States.

    The differences in American and Mexican political and social culture: As one Mexican politician is alleged to have said, “After the War of 1846, why did America leave the rest of us down here to rot ….”

  22. I have no idea why my maternal grandparents never applied for citizenship though they lived in Texas for 50 plus years. I do know they were quite insistent that their children who were born here went to school, worked, and were otherwise productive. In fact, my mother was the first Mexican/American from Ozona to attend college. Pretty remarkable considering she was a girl and the Mexican high school in town was not accredited. Teachers and administrators tried to talk her out of going but her father said if she wanted to go she was going. She went to North Texas State in Denton for a year then transferred to what was Sam Houston State Teacher’s College where she met my dad who was there on the GI Bill post WWII.

    My grandmother would never cross over to Mexico being afraid she wouldn’t get back into the US. She also never spoke a word of English but I am convinced she understood it better than I did.

    I have conflicting emotions around the whole immigration debate same as I do when I read about or see cinematic depictions of the Texas war for independence. My eldest son told me when he was studying that part of US history, “I feel so conflicted.” I understand the need to have secure borders but I also wonder if it were Canadians sneaking across the border would there be such a hue and cry about it.

    • Replies: @interesting
    , @MarkinLA
    , @Joe E.
  23. If people immigrate into this country illegally, they are illegal immigrants.

    “Illegals” for short.

    Why does it rattle you for people to ask questions in which facts like this are stated plainly?

    • Replies: @MarkinLA
  24. @enemy of earth

    “but I also wonder if it were Canadians sneaking across the border would there be such a hue and cry about it”

    Then you don’t get it. The real racism that is going on is that so many of “you” think it’s only Mexicans jumping the border.

    • Replies: @enemy of earth
  25. @interesting

    Begging your pardon, I do get it. Since this is the column, “Ask A Mexican!” I am looking at the issue as it pertains to Mexicans and/or descendants of Mexicans.

    I spent enough time while living in Chicago and helping staff a homeless shelter run by the church with which my wife and I were involved to realize that in Chicago at least, the majority of illegal/undocumented/however you want to label them immigrants were not from Mexico. In Chicago they happened to be Polish. Countless times before lights out staff at this shelter were approached by Polish men asking to be awakened by 5 AM or so. They were concerned about being late for work. Many of these guys were working, some two or more jobs, and did not want to rent living quarters because they were sending every dollar they could to relatives still in Poland.

    We had Peruvians, Guatemalans, Assyrians, Czechs, and many other nationalities as guests. And I’m really not sure to which “you” I belong. Mexican/Americans, former Chicagoans, descendants of illegal immigrants, or people commenting on this site?

  26. @Anonymous

    They’re “illegal aliens,” which means they’re criminals.

  27. MarkinLA says:
    @The Grate Deign

    The actual legal term in US statutes is “illegal alien” because somebody with a green card is a “resident alien”.

    These people aren’t immigrants as immigrants need permission from the US and they don’t have it.

  28. MarkinLA says:
    @enemy of earth

    but I also wonder if it were Canadians sneaking across the border would there be such a hue and cry about it.

    This nonsense is always thrown around as an excuse for why don’t we just let them stay. Who is saying let the Polish illegal aliens stay? Maybe some Polish Americans but not anybody I can name. Who is saying let the supposed 50,000 illegal alien Irish stay? Maybe some in the Irish-American community but nobody I can recall. There are way more people in the Hispanic communities saying let the Mexicans stay that there are people saying let the illegal Polish stay.

    The answer is to kick them all out. It is best to start with the biggest trouble makers and the biggest drains on the system. I wonder who that is?

    • Replies: @enemy of earth
  29. @MarkinLA

    Please don’t understand me so fast. I am not trying to make a case for Mexican illegal aliens to stay. I believe any one here illegally who wants to live here should exit the US then make the appropriate application to enter legally, regardless of country of origin.

    I was trying, poorly it seems, to express the emotional conflict for me with this issue since I am descended from Mexican illegal aliens.

    • Replies: @MarkinLA
  30. MarkinLA says:
    @enemy of earth

    Not trying to argue but we need to stop all immigration now. Due to automation and the already chronically unemployed we are overpopulated as it it. Kick them all out and make sure they never come back.

    We have to look out for OUR existing citizens first regardless of where we or they came from. It used to be that way when people said F —- I am an American. Now we get everybody crying about what happens to “their” people or their homeland. Every year we get the Armenians in southern California crying about what the US government needs to do to Turkey for the Armenian Genocide. I get sick of this kind of stuff. The US had nothing to do with it and should keep it’s nose out.

  31. Caterina says:

    No, they are ‘Illegal Aliens’.
    An Immigrant is someone who has legally come to a country from another country.
    A Refugee is someone with temporary permission to stay in a country, but must return home when the danger is over, unless they are granted Asylum status.
    A person granted Political Asylum has been granted Refugee status b/c of a home country threat to his life.

  32. you dont know what you are talking about on many things. No one can join the US military or the mexican one neither, without having legal papers. So no, you cant get legal, as you say, by joining the military. Not now, not never!
    The only people that can join the US military are citizens, resident aliens (green card holders). Thats it!
    Illegals, yes they are illegals just as mexico calls guatemalans, cannot join any branch of the armed services. So stop being a trump passing out lies and misinformation.

    • Replies: @interesting
  33. Anon • Disclaimer says:

    Dear Mexican,

    Do you agree with this other Mexican, Jorge Ramos?

  34. @Eduardo Cruz

    For the first time, the program — known as Military Accessions in the National Interest, or MAVNI — will be open to immigrants without a proper visa if they came to the U.S. with their parents before age 16. More specifically, they must be approved under a 2012 Obama administration policy known as Deferred Action for Child Arrivals, or DACA.

    apparently things HAVE gotten this out of control. I remember hearing something about this back then.

  35. Here’s a question: why do people living south of the U.S. border — Mexico all the way to Chile — want so badly to emigrate to the United States?

    Why didn’t clones of the U.S. constitution make those countries’ “streets paved with gold”?

    Why didn’t the Napoleonic code of law work as well as English common law resulting in the Declaration of Independence — despite the existence of slavery and discrimination against Native Americans in the United States as it expanded west?

    Maybe the answer isn’t to fix the United States but to fix what’s broken in Mexico, Central America, and South America.

    • Replies: @interesting
  36. @J. Neil Schulman

    “want so badly to emigrate to the United States?”

    that’s easy, free shit. All one has to do is pop out a kid and presto uncle sugar is there with free housing, free health care, free education, free food.

    non of which is available south of the border.

    that may well be one of the reasons why there’s dysfunction in the black community..(hell, in all poor communities for that matter), black woman don’t need black men, the state provides once you start having kids….I have heard this argument more than once from more than one source.

  37. Joe E. says:
    @enemy of earth

    “I understand the need to have secure borders but I also wonder if it were Canadians sneaking across the border would there be such a hue and cry about it.”

    Illegal Aliens (yup, I said it) coming from ANY direction, ANY country, and going directly onto social services and assistance are a problem.

    Illegal Aliens will NEVER be able to square the fiscal burden they impose on Americans, because the math just doesn’t support the assertion that they contribute positively to the economy.

    You know what we call citizens of other countries that contribute positively to the economy?


    And only well-behaved tourists are welcome, because spending tax dollars to deal with mischievous tourists is an unnecessary burden, as well. At the first sign of trouble, send them back.

    Other than as well-behaved tourists, we have no need for citizens of other countries.

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