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What's the Beef Between Mexicans and Trump?
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Dear Mexican: I know there’s beef between Mexicans and Trump right now because of the whole deportation thing, but can he really do any worse than Obama did when it comes to deportations? Obama deported between two million and three million people—more than any other president. Is there something I’m missing here? Help me out.

Pocho in Plano

Dear Pocho: Why is it that it’s almost always male Tejanos who ask the above question? It’s not a bad one (save your flippant dismissal of “the whole deportation thing”—sounds like you’re the type of pocho whose last connection to the motherland was your grandmother’s tamale recipe that your sister fucks up every Christmas), but there’s a special level of false equivalency among Texan Chicanos regarding Trump that I just don’t see anywhere else. Yes, Obama deported a chingo of our people, leading National Council on La Raza head Janet Murguia—not exactly the most radical activist out there, despite what the conservative media will have you believe—to label him the “Deporter in Chief.” But the Migration Policy Institute crunched the números to discover that, while the Obama administration’s total deportation figure was about 5.3 million people, it didn’t even come close to matching the figures under Dubya (10.3 million) and Clinton (12.3 million—as if you needed another reason to hate the Clintons, pinches PRIistas). The 3 million figure frequently cited for Obama refers to removal of immigrants from this country, and he did significantly beat 43 and Slick Willie in that category, but to treat BHO as somehow more of a Mexican basher than any president in history is as context-free as saying some guy named Jose Alfredo Jiménez wrote songs. Can Trump do any worse? When he has already promised a border wall, declared war on sanctuary cities, and brags about his love of “Hispanics” with a taco bowl, I’d say ahuevo. And, of course, #fucktrump

 

I’m a security guard at an apartment complex. I get out and work hard. I write a lot of people up for rule infractions, much more than they are used to from previous guards. So much more so that many people think I must be targeting them. But the reality is, I write up any one and every one I see breaking a safety or courtesy rule. (People quietly drinking outside is not a problem to me; playing music too loud in a car is.) According to office management, about 25% of the residents have accused me of targeting them. But the kicker is, all the complaints come from Mexican women. Not the blacks or whites of either gender, and not the Mexican men. What is the deal?

Parking Lot Policia

ORDER IT NOW

Dear Gabacho: NO ONE likes security guards at apartment complexes—y’all are the pendejos too dumb to have become sheriff’s deputies or migra. Writing people up for playing music loud? Laughable. That said, if it’s only Mexican women complaining, it’s because they’re the ones who have it harder than any other group if they’re living in an apartment complex. Let them blast their Romeo Santos—the last thing they need in their hardscrabble vidas is their choni-melter daydream get cited by some rent-a-cop.

 

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

 
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  1. Every time I read this author, it reinforces the obvious: They have to go back. Each and every one of them.

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    Amen, brother, amen.
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  2. “you’re the type of pocho whose last connection to the motherland”

    Was when he left for a better life in a better country you fucking dolt.

    Does your racism ever end?

    True immigrants leave the “motherland” for greener pastures because the “motherland” sucks and America is the place to make something of yourself….unlike some who sit around and whine and cry about their “motherland” as if THAT is what they are still part of.

    I’m starting to like your column a bit more as it’s a good example of the “bad” immigrant and it exposes the reality of that stereotype of non assimilate-able immigrant that wants to bring the “motherland” here that they escaped from……….i really had no opinion on the wall but lately your opinions have changed my mind…..build that wall and build it tall!!!

    America doesn’t need any more people like you here………go sell crazy somewhere else, we’re all stocked up here.

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  3. @george strong
    Every time I read this author, it reinforces the obvious: They have to go back. Each and every one of them.

    Amen, brother, amen.

    Read More
  4. TheBoom says:

    How dare Trump want an immigration policy that is a softer version of Mexico’s.

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  5. dolores says:

    you are trying very hard to be funny or.. sarcastic… Gustavo cut the dumb amex lingo.
    this coming from a US born/Mexico raised human and maybe I will continue to read your blog..
    By the way this is the first time I read it and personally it sucks

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  6. Debes mudarse a casa a Mexico. Entonces, puedes ser entre los otros pendejos.

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  7. jack ryan says: • Website

    Ask a Mexican is a funny guy.

    I used to read something very similar in San Diego CA papers about 10 years ago.

    Is this the same guy?

    Honest, real ethnic, racial humor regarding real knowledge of the strengths and weaknesses of ones own people – that’s really funny.

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    • Replies: @interesting
    "strengths and weaknesses of ones own people"

    By that you mean Americans? Isn't he really just an American of Mexican decent? OR does he really think he's a Mexican stuck living in El Norte?

    big mother fucking difference if you ask me.

    p.s. post as yourself Gus!!!

  8. @jack ryan
    Ask a Mexican is a funny guy.

    I used to read something very similar in San Diego CA papers about 10 years ago.

    Is this the same guy?

    Honest, real ethnic, racial humor regarding real knowledge of the strengths and weaknesses of ones own people - that's really funny.

    “strengths and weaknesses of ones own people”

    By that you mean Americans? Isn’t he really just an American of Mexican decent? OR does he really think he’s a Mexican stuck living in El Norte?

    big mother fucking difference if you ask me.

    p.s. post as yourself Gus!!!

    Read More
  9. What’s funny is that I think that Gus is actually predominantly Italian ethnically, if I recall correctly. He’s literally a white hamming it up.

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  10. Most Mexican women are those roly poly fat little monkeys. Let them play their car radios and dream of love with a white man. Why not?

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