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Dear Mexican: How can I get my new Mexican girlfriend to calm down about Trump and being deported? We safely live in a sanctuary city. I have no intention of just marrying her unless something horrible happened, but I want to help her out. She is a kind, rational human being that simply has bought into the fear-mongering that Trump is instilling in her. And, while a triple orgasm might make her feel temporary relief, how can I get her to realize that we are not in a place where she is going to get deported unless she blatantly breaks a serious law?

Good Gabacho Who Gives it Good

Dear Gabacho: Wow, you’re a special kind of pendejo. A sanctuary city status doesn’t mean shit to Trump or U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who is threatening to cut federal funding to such cities. Sanctuary cities can’t stop la migra from picking up people for no other reason other than they’re undocumented. And the Mexican knows of cases where people were deported for riding their bike on the sidewalk. You aren’t Mexican or undocumented, and you’re obviously some deluded wimp whose gabachos privilege blinds him to his supposed love’s serious concerns. Are you sure you didn’t vote for Trump? I seriously hope your novia breaks up with you and finds a real hombre that doesn’t have his head up his culo. Finally, triple orgasm? The only girl you get off happens whenever download a clip from Pornhub.

 

Over the years, I have worked with, and gone to college with Mexicans who were usually Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, Latter Day Saints, and other Christian religions. However, about ten years ago, I was blessed to work with two Jewish Mexicans. What is the history of Jewish Mexican culture?

Goyim but Great

ORDER IT NOW

Dear Gabacho: A very long story short: Jews accompanied Hernán Cortés in his conquest of Mexico—indeed, the man who built his ships was the judio Hernando Alonso. He was also burned at the stake in 1528 for practicing Judaism, because Spanish Catholics were the ISIS of this day. Due to such terroristic ways, many Jews either hid their religion or moved to New Mexico, as far away from the Inquisition as possible. Flash-forward 500 years, and Mexico City now has a significant Jewish community, and Mexican Jews have long been accepted in the country’s upper circles, with the coolest one being celebrity chef Pati Jinich. But not all is kosher: as I wrote in one of my first columnas back in 2004, “For instance, when a Mexican thinks someone is a slob, we call the person a cochino marrano—a dirty Jew. And don’t believe your Spanish teacher when she pulls out the Webster’s and reads that marrano means “pig”—Webster’s doesn’t know mierda about Spanish etymology. “Marrano” does mean pig but was also the term used to ridicule Jews who hid their beliefs in order to survive the Spanish Inquisition.” ¡Puro pinche parr!

 

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

 
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  1. What is the history of “jews” anywhere? non, they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts that “somehow” always put themselves in trouble. Mostly because their “religion” tells them that they should nestle themselves into the power structure of their host countries and that non-”jews” are worthless cattle.

    There was a town in Spain that has been called “Matajudios” (until recently) since the middle ages, that’s how popular they were back then and when you see AIPAC it doesn’t make them anymore so now.

    Read More
    • Replies: @biz

    they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts
     
    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

    Why is there so much taqiyya on this website?

    , @LauraMR
    There is also a Matamoros, meaning, "killing moors".
    , @Thirdeye

    ......they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts.....
     
    Not the Sephardim who settled in Spain.
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  2. biz says:
    @Doctor Rosenpenis
    What is the history of "jews" anywhere? non, they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts that "somehow" always put themselves in trouble. Mostly because their "religion" tells them that they should nestle themselves into the power structure of their host countries and that non-"jews" are worthless cattle.

    There was a town in Spain that has been called "Matajudios" (until recently) since the middle ages, that's how popular they were back then and when you see AIPAC it doesn't make them anymore so now.

    they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts

    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

    Why is there so much taqiyya on this website?

    Read More
    • Agree: Logan
    • Replies: @Blake

    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

     

    Let's pick your 3 point claim apart one by one:

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical records in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus. What Jew can prove what tribe he’s from? He can’t."‘Finding Your Roots’ explores Jewish genealogy" (3 well know American Jews tested. All 3 have 98% + European dna admixture) http://www.pbs.org/wnet/finding-your-roots/blog/ashkenazi-jewish-dna-potential-piece-together-shattered-family-branches/

    2. "Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a 'rebirth' of the dead old semitic hebrew which is “impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm.” “Modern Hebrew simply embodies syntax & sound system of eastern yiddish language spoken by first modern hebrew planners in Ottoman Palestine, while its lexicon….was systematically replaced by Biblical and Mishnaic Hebrew vocabluary.”" - "The Schizoid Nature of Modern Hebrew: A Slavic Language in Search of a Semitic Past" – Prof Paul Wexler (1990)

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the 'Kingdoms of Israel' is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else - the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  3. Mexican would leave Good Gabacho’s Mexican girlfriend with too much to worry about. This sanctuary stuff is just like semi-legalized marijuana: yeah, Federal law still treats marijuana just like it does heroin or cocaine, but nobody worries much about it.

    What Mexican didn’t say is that the girlfriend wants to get married, obviously … and then you can say Goodbye to those triple orgasms … or am I too cynical in my old age? Maybe Gabacho and Mexican girlfriend could live happily ever after …. it’s just that the marriage (and divorce!) laws in, say, California, are not exactly motivating young American males to run to the altar (for the sacrifice).

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  4. Texan1 says:

    I asked family friends about their backgrounds, and some of them freely discussed their
    Jewish roots. It wasn’t boasting or anything, it was just part of their family history. These family friends may have been more willing to talk about themselves with me because our families may have been close for a long time.

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  5. not only is she not safe from arrest and removal, she might not be eligible to return with papers for five years or maybe ten years if she has been in the usa without authorization for more than a year…you might want to talk to a reputable immigration attorney…on the other hand, you are such a dick you might just get out of her life and let her pursue a decent human being/

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  6. Pepe says:

    Jews are hugely overrepresented among the ruling class in Mexico.

    Even more than the Arabs. And that’s saying a lot.

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  7. republic says:

    I think Fred Reed is an expert on this subject.

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  8. anon says: • Disclaimer

    was any local Jew involved in Mexican Parliament attack in 2001 ? The ambassador and Israeli citizen were captured and freed .But what about locals?

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  9. LauraMR says:
    @Doctor Rosenpenis
    What is the history of "jews" anywhere? non, they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts that "somehow" always put themselves in trouble. Mostly because their "religion" tells them that they should nestle themselves into the power structure of their host countries and that non-"jews" are worthless cattle.

    There was a town in Spain that has been called "Matajudios" (until recently) since the middle ages, that's how popular they were back then and when you see AIPAC it doesn't make them anymore so now.

    There is also a Matamoros, meaning, “killing moors”.

    Read More
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  10. Thirdeye says:
    @Doctor Rosenpenis
    What is the history of "jews" anywhere? non, they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts that "somehow" always put themselves in trouble. Mostly because their "religion" tells them that they should nestle themselves into the power structure of their host countries and that non-"jews" are worthless cattle.

    There was a town in Spain that has been called "Matajudios" (until recently) since the middle ages, that's how popular they were back then and when you see AIPAC it doesn't make them anymore so now.

    ……they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts…..

    Not the Sephardim who settled in Spain.

    Read More
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  11. bjondo says:

    Catholics were cleaning Spain
    Jew were the ISIS then
    same as they are today

    The Sephardim who settled in Spain
    were Berber converts to Jew
    Went into Iberia with Muslims

    They were not from Palestine

    Read More
    • Replies: @polskijoe
    Jews worked with people who supported them.

    When the Moors invaded Europe, Jews were supporting Moors/Muslims.

    Probably 20% of Spanish have North African or Jewish Ancestry (distant).
    And I dont really care about that. Since that ancestry is tiny and doesnt affect them.
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  12. Blake says:
    @biz

    they are a fake tribe of Khazar converts
     
    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

    Why is there so much taqiyya on this website?

    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

    Let’s pick your 3 point claim apart one by one:

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical records in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus. What Jew can prove what tribe he’s from? He can’t.”‘Finding Your Roots’ explores Jewish genealogy” (3 well know American Jews tested. All 3 have 98% + European dna admixture) http://www.pbs.org/wnet/finding-your-roots/blog/ashkenazi-jewish-dna-potential-piece-together-shattered-family-branches/

    2. “Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a ‘rebirth’ of the dead old semitic hebrew which is “impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm.” “Modern Hebrew simply embodies syntax & sound system of eastern yiddish language spoken by first modern hebrew planners in Ottoman Palestine, while its lexicon….was systematically replaced by Biblical and Mishnaic Hebrew vocabluary.”” – “The Schizoid Nature of Modern Hebrew: A Slavic Language in Search of a Semitic Past” – Prof Paul Wexler (1990)

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the ‘Kingdoms of Israel’ is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else – the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Texan1

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical record s in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus...
     
    Not all the records, apparently. Ever hear of the Desposyni ?

    2. "Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a "rebirth" of the dead old semitic hebrew which is "impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm."...
     
    You still have native speakers of Aramaic, a sister language to Hebrew. It would be neat to know what ancient spoken Hebrew sounded like. Perhaps there are clues in other languages.

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the "Kingdoms of Israel" is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else - the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.
     
    There's this thing called the Crusades.

    Ever hear of the Jewish kingdom of Septimania ?

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  13. Anonymous says: • Disclaimer

    “Pati Jinich” ..yes – her and her husband both worked as diplomats iirc, and they’re both ethnically European. Her husband I believe currently works for the State Dept and they live outside of DC, very comfortably(I’d wager not on her cooking show money, which she started because she was unfulfilled in her diplomatic job). Anyway her family in Mexico City is the very definition of “elite” – and as far as I can tell, extremely secular in their “Jewishness”.

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  14. Texan1 says:
    @Blake

    Sure, if you ignore every shred of genetic, linguistic, and historical evidence.

     

    Let's pick your 3 point claim apart one by one:

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical records in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus. What Jew can prove what tribe he’s from? He can’t."‘Finding Your Roots’ explores Jewish genealogy" (3 well know American Jews tested. All 3 have 98% + European dna admixture) http://www.pbs.org/wnet/finding-your-roots/blog/ashkenazi-jewish-dna-potential-piece-together-shattered-family-branches/

    2. "Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a 'rebirth' of the dead old semitic hebrew which is “impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm.” “Modern Hebrew simply embodies syntax & sound system of eastern yiddish language spoken by first modern hebrew planners in Ottoman Palestine, while its lexicon….was systematically replaced by Biblical and Mishnaic Hebrew vocabluary.”" - "The Schizoid Nature of Modern Hebrew: A Slavic Language in Search of a Semitic Past" – Prof Paul Wexler (1990)

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the 'Kingdoms of Israel' is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else - the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical record s in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus…

    Not all the records, apparently. Ever hear of the Desposyni ?

    2. “Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a “rebirth” of the dead old semitic hebrew which is “impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm.”…

    You still have native speakers of Aramaic, a sister language to Hebrew. It would be neat to know what ancient spoken Hebrew sounded like. Perhaps there are clues in other languages.

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the “Kingdoms of Israel” is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else – the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.

    There’s this thing called the Crusades.

    Ever hear of the Jewish kingdom of Septimania ?

    Read More
    • Replies: @bjondo

    Ever hear of the Jewish kingdom of Septimania ?
     
    no

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Septimania

    "this thing called the Crusades" has what to do with "Kingdoms of Israel"?

    Did the traveling knights establish a kingdom of israel somewhere? did they write about one? don't recall.

    any where a jew a jew kingdom

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  15. bjondo says:
    @Texan1

    1. Of course it would be tough to pinpoint a gene when your identity is based on mythology. Herod destroyed all genealogical record s in 68 AD as recorded by Jewish historian of that time, Flavius Josephus...
     
    Not all the records, apparently. Ever hear of the Desposyni ?

    2. "Modern Hebrew is a slavic language not a "rebirth" of the dead old semitic hebrew which is "impossible because there are no natives to provide a native norm."...
     
    You still have native speakers of Aramaic, a sister language to Hebrew. It would be neat to know what ancient spoken Hebrew sounded like. Perhaps there are clues in other languages.

    3. It is one of those great historical shibboleths that tend to exist in any age: however the strange thing about the "Kingdoms of Israel" is that its not mentioned textually by anyone else - the only evidence we have is from Jewish religious writings written after the fact.
     
    There's this thing called the Crusades.

    Ever hear of the Jewish kingdom of Septimania ?

    Ever hear of the Jewish kingdom of Septimania ?

    no

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Septimania

    “this thing called the Crusades” has what to do with “Kingdoms of Israel”?

    Did the traveling knights establish a kingdom of israel somewhere? did they write about one? don’t recall.

    any where a jew a jew kingdom

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  16. The implication that Alonso “built [Cortez's] ships” is inane. He was a blacksmith and carpenter’s assistant.

    Clearly, Mexicans are as uninformed about their history as Americans or Europeans are theirs. Spanish Catholics were not “the ISIS of their day”. And no Jew was ever persecuted by Black Legend Boogeymen Inquisitors – Jews who converted to Christianity, but chose to follow their old religion in secret, were. New Christians, not Jews. So if they were “hiding their religion” then they were guilty of breaking the laws of the state, which, against all concepts of biology, allowed both Moors and Jews either to convert or leave Spain. It’s how one makes a unified country – the same creed for all. As for New Spain, the Edict of 1523 forbade these same two groups from ever taking up residence. If the future real estate dealer and meat supplier Alonso was indeed “judaizing” (e.g. not allowing his wife to attend church while menstruating, etc…) then he knew what he was risking, based on the laws of the land.

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  17. polskijoe says:

    Jewish people…

    I spend lots of time researching and have convinced myself that
    you cant blame all Jews. Some of them are decent people.

    Maranos and Conversos Jews went to the New World (and other places).
    Probably tens or hundred of millions of people have distant Jewish ancestry (in tiny amounts).

    Which groups would have this? Spaniards, Portugues, Italians, Germans, Poles, Russians, Arabs, etc.

    Khazar Theory…

    Claims that Askhenazi Jews are all Khazar origins is wrong.
    Khazar input in Jewish dna is probably very little.

    This theory caters to Muslim Arabs who would prefer Jews be in Europe rather than Israel.

    Read More
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  18. polskijoe says:
    @bjondo
    Catholics were cleaning Spain
    Jew were the ISIS then
    same as they are today

    The Sephardim who settled in Spain
    were Berber converts to Jew
    Went into Iberia with Muslims

    They were not from Palestine

    Jews worked with people who supported them.

    When the Moors invaded Europe, Jews were supporting Moors/Muslims.

    Probably 20% of Spanish have North African or Jewish Ancestry (distant).
    And I dont really care about that. Since that ancestry is tiny and doesnt affect them.

    Read More
    • Replies: @bjondo
    Jew use not support.

    this loses me:


    Probably 20% of Spanish have North African or Jewish Ancestry (distant).
    And I dont really care about that. Since that ancestry is tiny and doesnt affect them.
     
    And

    the Spanish Jew ancestry (distant) would be Berber.

    And

    the Ashkanazi would be Khazar. like it or not.

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  19. bjondo says:
    @polskijoe
    Jews worked with people who supported them.

    When the Moors invaded Europe, Jews were supporting Moors/Muslims.

    Probably 20% of Spanish have North African or Jewish Ancestry (distant).
    And I dont really care about that. Since that ancestry is tiny and doesnt affect them.

    Jew use not support.

    this loses me:

    Probably 20% of Spanish have North African or Jewish Ancestry (distant).
    And I dont really care about that. Since that ancestry is tiny and doesnt affect them.

    And

    the Spanish Jew ancestry (distant) would be Berber.

    And

    the Ashkanazi would be Khazar. like it or not.

    Read More
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