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Am I Too Ambitious as a Woman?
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Dear Mexican: I’m an American woman who has been living in Mexico for over a year and a half. I found an excellent job teaching English at a university and, as luck or karma would have it, I met an amazing Mexican man who treats me with respect and kindness and a support I have never known from anyone. He is a doctor here at the university. We are the same age and though he is a chemist, and I have spent the last decade of my life trying to be an artist, we get along sweetly and I do love him a lot. I should mention we also live together and in general, it runs smoothly.

Things are good. But there is still that, I don’t know, American ambition, that voice in my head that says to me constantly that you have to keep going, keep achieving, you aren’t making enough, doing enough, being enough. So here’s my situation: I want my boyfriend to come with me, should I be accepted into the doctoral programs I’m applying for in the United States. But he has such a good thing going for him here in Mexico. He’s a professor in a university, he is making research and publishing. I feel like a jerk asking him to leave. I fear if he leaves Mexico, he would come to the USA and have to work some menial job at a restaurant when he is a scientist. He was also born and raised in Mexico, and aside from study in Spain, he hasn’t really experienced a separation from his culture, his food, home.

But then I think of my life, and I can’t just sit here in Mexico and be in his shadow. I do not want to be the woman of the household while my man is out having a marvelous professional career. I have to think about my career as well, but I also do want a family and the support and warmth that he provides for me.

How do I do this? How do I have a career and the man I love at the same time? How do I ask someone to sacrifice so much for me? Should I ask someone to sacrifice so much for me?

Sad in Satélite

Dear Gabacha: There’s ambition, and then there’s selfishness, and you, ingrata, are the definition of the latter. You already have a job and a man, yet you want to upgrade the former while forcing your querido to become a peon in el Norte, just because you don’t want to be “the woman of the household”? Isn’t that the position you currently hold in Mexico, a position you yourself is wonderful? And you realize you’d be in a subservient position up here anyways, since the only income the two of you would make during your college years is whatever he could cobble together while your apapachada ass buries the two of you in student debt? Just leave him: you deserve him less than Donald Trump deserves a Mazapan de la Rosa

Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

 
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  1. Why isn’t there an upside down question mark at the beginning of the title?

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  2. Teaches English in a foreign country, spent the last decade trying to be an artist? Eek. I feel sorry for this poor professor already.

    We have foreigners like that in our country, too. Hard to imagine one of them being worth giving up a career for.

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    • Replies: @grapesoda
    Well, not everyone is an uncultured prick like you. It's actually people who grow up poor who are obsessed with making money when they grow up. It's the typical prole mentality.

    Although to be fair, pretty much everyone is obsessed with money and status nowadays, because we live in times of great darkness.

  3. Assuming he speaks English, it’s difficult to see why he wouldn’t be able to get a job here in science. Lots of potential virtue-signaling for employers if they retain him.

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  4. @Cattle Guard
    Teaches English in a foreign country, spent the last decade trying to be an artist? Eek. I feel sorry for this poor professor already.

    We have foreigners like that in our country, too. Hard to imagine one of them being worth giving up a career for.

    Well, not everyone is an uncultured prick like you. It’s actually people who grow up poor who are obsessed with making money when they grow up. It’s the typical prole mentality.

    Although to be fair, pretty much everyone is obsessed with money and status nowadays, because we live in times of great darkness.

    Read More
  5. A Musical Journey

    Take a musical journey in this beautiful video called “Existence Impromptu” narrated by Alan Watts that looks at the journey we call life. He makes some really strong points about how we’re conditioned to always be working towards some achievement or goal yet when we reach success we don’t feel that much different. I’ve always admired those people who truly do live in the moment and enjoy each and every minute of this wonderful thing called life to the fullest. I hope you can sing and dance while the music is playing.

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  6. It’s the man who needs advice here. She’s not very bright. A doctorate is not a doctor. We don’t say that we “make” research. Conduct research, undertake research, or whatever.

    Since he’s a Phd and has been working then he is at least in his late 20′s. She’s the same age, so she is already past her expiry and talking about career instead of children.

    She doesn’t want to be the “woman of the household” when boatloads of younger ones do. Art? Oh, how sweet. With a good enough drop-kick she might still be in the air by the time you replace her with one having much higher sexual market value.

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    • Replies: @paraglider
    indeed bob

    she is on her way to being 40 something with 2 cats in a large metropolitan 1 bedroom by the time she realizes not only must she compete with agreeable and motivated 20 somethings but also the next generation or 2 of advanced 98.6+ skin temperature betty/catherine/chantal/alexandra/????? silicones! with a better vocabulary for starters.

    i don't like her odds at all.
  7. @Backwoods Bob
    It's the man who needs advice here. She's not very bright. A doctorate is not a doctor. We don't say that we "make" research. Conduct research, undertake research, or whatever.

    Since he's a Phd and has been working then he is at least in his late 20's. She's the same age, so she is already past her expiry and talking about career instead of children.

    She doesn't want to be the "woman of the household" when boatloads of younger ones do. Art? Oh, how sweet. With a good enough drop-kick she might still be in the air by the time you replace her with one having much higher sexual market value.

    indeed bob

    she is on her way to being 40 something with 2 cats in a large metropolitan 1 bedroom by the time she realizes not only must she compete with agreeable and motivated 20 somethings but also the next generation or 2 of advanced 98.6+ skin temperature betty/catherine/chantal/alexandra/????? silicones! with a better vocabulary for starters.

    i don’t like her odds at all.

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  8. This is an Ann Landers question…..WTF?

    Come on Gus get back to writing your racist letters to yourself, those are more entertaining.

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  9. I’m an American woman who has been living in Mexico for over a year and a half. I found an excellent job teaching English at a university

    The first and only sign you need to realize this a fake letter Goose wrote to himself.

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  10. He is making research and publishing and “we got along sweetly.”

    This is not someone with English as a first language. English speakers “do research” they don’t “make” it. Next time you do a silly hoax letter like this, keep that in mind. And they haven’t gotten along sweetly since the days of Lillian Gish.

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  11. Gender or sex chromosomes don’t know their user’s ambitions, but a conflict is made of the two where the conflict is strictly one-sided, i.e. user side. So confusion or doubt happens because conflict is imagined between sex or gender chromosomes, the chromosomes of which themselves express no conflict. Instead, it’s a habituated mindset that characterizes conflict according to its life forecasts shaped by memories. Just ask: What do my sex chromosomes have to say about my mind’s conflict? Nothing? Huh.

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  12. Am I Too Ambitious as a Woman?

    Not if you’re seeking advice from this moron.

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