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It was an epochal moment for the military and perhaps for all of society. Screwing up her courage, Air Force First Lieutenant Kara-Ann McBee walked into her commander’s office on the D-Ring of the Pentagon and announced that she was a giant squid.

Kara was slender and tomboyish, with an upturned nose, freckles, and an attractive brush-cut hairdo. She could have been Tom Sawyer’s sister. She did not appear to be a giant squid.

“But I am, sir,” she said, rigidly at attention and clearly nervous. “I’ve known it since I was a little girl. I…sir, I am a squid trapped in a woman’s body. I’m trans-phylum, sir.”

The commander, Colonel R. Boyd Gittim, was stunned. He was a compact, graying man in his mid-fifties, a combat flier who had slipped through the screening process to high position in what insiders called the Five-Sided Wind Tunnel. He was not well suited to the complex personnel issues of the modern military.

He had to say something. What, he wondered?

“Squids have lots of arms. Ten, I think.”

“Yessir, ten. But…you see, sir, I feel their presence. Like ectoplasm or something.”

Colonel Gittim sighed. He knew of course about LGBT, which he thought of as Lettuce, Bacon, and Tomato, and he knew there existed crucial military questions about whether boys could use the girls room. Squids were too much.

It wasn’t his Air Force any longer, he thought grayly. Wars were fought by remotely-controlled drones now, and the best pilots were probably fifteen-year-old gamers with no social life. They could do it from home by internet. He decided to retire and drink himself to death.

But consequences were to follow this modest beginning. Kara-Ann, not particularly militant, said that just wanted to be respected as a cephalopod, although she did say that she thought the Air Force ought to provide her an aquarium to sleep in. But, inevitably, the affair came to the attention of DACOWITS. This was not a Polish mathematician, but the Defense Advisory Commission on Women in the Services. They were Boadiceas of social justice, fighting against the oppression, brutality, contempt and unremitting assault to which women were subjected everywhere, except anywhere that anyone could find.

Dacowits needed something to do. Things were slow in the trenches of discrimination. Most victories had been won. A woman commanded the SEALs, who had been disarmed to prevent violence. The new main battle tanks had changing tables, and urinals had been outlawed throughout the services or converted to flower pots to preclude uncomfortable spaces. The warriors of social justice needed a Cause.

Virtual squids were just the thing.

But what to demand? There was no point in having a Cause if you couldn’t demand something outrageous and get coverage in the Washington Post. Perhaps, they decided, they could insist that Kara-Ann should have uniforms with ten sleeves. After intense conferencing, they came up with “imputed tentacles.” After all, phylum was a social construct, and if Kara-Ann could be a squid without looking like one, then she could have tentacles without having any.

When an unwise major tweeted that the idea was “silly as hell and I don’t want to serve with any goddam octopus,” he was demoted. Wilhelmina Mikoyan-Gurevich, chairwoman of Dacowits, exploded. Who were men to decide how many arms a woman had? Did men know what it was to be pregnant? Women knew their own bodies. If they thought they had tentacles, then they did have them.

A few within Dacowits thought this was over the top, even in pursuit of social justice. Maybe something simpler would do. Could they demand special diets for virtual squids? They weren’t sure what squids ate. Something unpleasant, no doubt.

Restaurants and chow halls throughout the military were forbidden to serve calamai when Kara-Ann broke down in hysterical crying and said it was just too…too horrible, and requested counseling. Trans-phylum bathrooms were a slam-dunk, but what exactly would such a loo need? How did squids…you know…do it? A commission was formed to study the question.

Things became complicated as more servicepersons discovered their inner zoology. Two giraffes, a kudu, and a Brahma bull came out of the closet, the last requesting a feeding trough in the mess hall. The kudu, a goggle-eyed computer nerd from Defense Intelligence named Howie Osfeiser, said he wasn’t sure what a kudu was, but he figured he probably was one. He just knew it.

An unenlightened Marine general said “the whole business is crazier than three monkeys in a bag. What is this freak show coming to?” The Washington Post ran an editorial comparing him to Hitler and saying that his attitude would lead to a second Holocaust. Of course, the Post thought that everything would lead to a second Holocaust.

The State Department announced that it would fun a recruitment drive to find trans-phylum ambassadors, and would modify embassies correspondingly, for example by increasing headroom for imputed giraffes.

In his last days in office, President Obama ordered that all federal buildings be equipped with litter boxes, saying, “A country as great as America was–is–that all the world wants to be like, and wishes it was, cannot seem to penalize citizens who think they are animals, even if they aren’t–though of course they are. Who are we to decide what kind of animals other people are? Praise Allah.”

This clarion call to probity and fairness echoed around the world and was adjudged to embody the clarity and internal coherence characteristic of Obama’s speeches.

ORDER IT NOW

A veritable storm of justice had left its imprint in the Pentagon. Calm gradually returned. Glitches continued, but they were minor. The Army’s Chief of Staff, Priscilla-Robert McFarley, came out of the closet as a Bolivian anteater and was discovered to be having termites flown in from La Paz. The computer nerd who had declared himself a kudu figured out that if he discovered himself to be a three-toed sloth instead, the Army would have to give him more time to sleep.

The furor finally died down and the nation entered a time of healing. The matter of inter-phylum dating caused a brief flurry, but abated when it was pointed out that the practice was common in the sheep country of Scotland. And of course national attention was diverted when an Armyperson who gender-identified as usually or somewhat male was caught trying to have sex with a vacuum cleaner. Phylum-neutral bathrooms were hastily equipped with chutes for emptying dust bags and….

(Republished from Fred on Everything by permission of author or representative)
 
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  1. DanF says:

    The terrifying part is I cannot even decide if the post is prophetic of things to come or a joke…. We are all screwed.

    Read More
    • Replies: @TheJester
    It's prophetic. In Europe, the pinnacle of Western Civilization, normal people are undergoing "intervention" for not understanding the value of homosexuality and men pretending to be women and women pretending to be men and humans pretending to be animals. Bestiality and pedophilia are just around the corner. Normal social behavior and normal family life are now anti-social, deviant behaviors.

    I always thought that America was the world's leader for "pop" culture. No, Europe bested us on this one. But that's the point. See it happen in Europe and we'll shortly see it on the East Coast and the Left Coast. As for the Great Flyover, who cares? Facebook now has 58 gender identities from a dropdown list with the option of inputting even more.

    The import is that these 58+ distinct gender identities are certain to apply for protected status under civil rights laws and other government social re-engineering programs. This gets too complex to understand or manage as they stand in line for affirmative action handouts. I'm not too happy about this, knowing that the White male will have to take the blame and foot the bill.

    And we worry about the impact of the national debt on our children and grandchildren. We ain't seen nothing yet!
    , @Olorin
    Yeah, but it's all easily answerable and disarmable with reference to evolutionary biology and genetics/cladistics.

    Problem is, neither our madwomen/madmen or our gatekeepers, including those in the Chattering Classes, care about that. Science, like math, is hard, and science based on math harder still.

    All's fair in the pursuit of power, mates, and food, and pushback from the ramparts has been replaced with surrender to the noisiest dolt in the room.

    Especially in this era where dolt-wrangling supplies more lucrative careers than building and sustaining ramparts.

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  2. Priss Factor [AKA "Dominique Francon Society"] says: • Website

    Fred Fred Cabbage Head, I don’t blame Obama. He is just a front, even if a willing one.

    His script was written by the GLOB. He is just a company man. He must follow orders.

    He signed the contract.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    DFS,

    What does GLOB mean? I haven't come across the acrynom elsewhere.
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  3. hahaha

    There’s already a term for ‘inter-phylum’ dating. “yiffing”

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    I thought 'yiff' just meant sex between men who have a fetish for dressing as children's soft toys?
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  4. gruff says:

    If she was a squid, why didn’t she just transfer to the Navy.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    If she transferred to the Navy, she could always feed the SEALs, urkh, urkh.
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  5. Anonymous says: • Disclaimer

    Just after I say that Fred has only half a dozen columns that he recycles endlessly, he goes and proves me wrong.

    Outstanding work, Fred! Have you considered writing for a living?

    Read More
    • Agree: Che Guava
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  6. Che Guava says:

    Thanks for that article, Fred. Amusing throughout, made me laugh twice in a public place.

    I recently read of a man who claims to be expressing his inner dragon, on the ‘net somewhere. Probably not hard to track down.

    In this cause he has had:

    his nose cut of;

    his tongue split;

    a couple of ‘horns’ permanently attached to his forehead;

    all head hair removed (although he may not have had much to do there, on top); and

    had his whole body tattoed with a reptile-scale pattern.

    More, I think, but don’t recall.

    One imagines he must be living off a very lavish inheritance.

    Truly grotesque, but the result is more evocative of a demon than a dragon.

    Read More
    • Replies: @RadicalCenter
    Sick losers like this "man" waste their lives on such nonsense instead of finding a good woman and raising a family. Meanwhile, Mexicans and Muslims continue to breed like rabbits here in the USA. Yeah, this will work out well.

    P.S. Any doctor who helped the man mutilate himself thus, should be thrown out of the profession and shunned. Disgusting and certainly NOT the "practice of the healing arts."
    , @NoseytheDuke
    There is, in fact, a "human" answering this description who can be seen regularly at Venice Beach, California. He usually has a very large and very bright green lizard on his shoulder and can be photographed for a donation.
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  7. Che Guava says:
    @Priss Factor
    Fred Fred Cabbage Head, I don't blame Obama. He is just a front, even if a willing one.

    His script was written by the GLOB. He is just a company man. He must follow orders.

    He signed the contract.

    DFS,

    What does GLOB mean? I haven’t come across the acrynom elsewhere.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Priss Factor
    GLOB means Globalist Oligarchy or Globalist Elites.
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  8. Che Guava says:
    @gruff
    If she was a squid, why didn't she just transfer to the Navy.

    If she transferred to the Navy, she could always feed the SEALs, urkh, urkh.

    Read More
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  9. Che Guava says:
    @Lemurmaniac
    hahaha

    There's already a term for 'inter-phylum' dating. "yiffing"

    I thought ‘yiff’ just meant sex between men who have a fetish for dressing as children’s soft toys?

    Read More
    • Replies: @Lemurmaniac
    yes but it describes a similar level of realness
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  10. macilrae says:

    As a rhinoceros with ambitions for a military career, may I commend Mr. Reed for his progressive stand?
    Hamish

    Read More
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  11. TheJester says:

    Hi Fred,

    Here is a guy who thinks he is dragon. He’s done the ultimate “tranny” … going under the knife to make himself look better in the mirror. You know, it’s that self-image thing associated with “trannies” looking in mirrors.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3524063/Transgender-woman-Eva-Tiamat-Medusa-ears-nose-removed-dragon-lady.html

    I thought that Ashton Carter, the Secretary of Defense, could use him as a “poster child” for transgendered people in the military. Carter is 100% behind them … and haven’t you heard, the Department of Defense has now adapted the concept of transition to its order of battle. Just like “trans’d women”, “trans’d men”, and “trans’d x” entering military service, the F-35 has been officially trans’d from a “hanger queen” into world-class fighter. It’s in the news. I believe they call this HQTWF.

    Congress is giving Carter their unqualified support. This “trans” thing is now a movement with the potential to dramatically reduce defense budgets by “transitioning” obsolete Humvees into front-line battle tanks and short, slightly overweight women into fearsome commandos. The potential appears unlimited.

    The Department of Defense has become a leader in the “trans” movement. It’s their future!

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    Ha, ha,

    In before thee!

    That said, you gave a couple of further details, I forgot about him also having had his ears cut off, and that he had also claimed to be a woman, before deciding to claim to be a dragon.
    , @Che Guava
    Oh my noes,

    I have 'misgendered' the dragon Tiamat, sure as hell looks like a very disfigured man in all of the photographs.

    Did a pretty atrocious job of female impersonation, also, like Jenner, reluctant to give up the primary genitalia to further his claim.

    If you look closely, you will see that Jenner looks a little like a Frankenstein's monster now, after all of the facial procedures, one would guess, B-to-C cup scale implants.

    . . . or perhaps he just always wears falsies?
    , @Che Guava
    You may also like to scan comment threads, before trying to make posts that big-note yourself. I can just imagine you reading my original light reply, racing off to find the source, and returning to big-note yourself.

    I prefer to pnst from memory, fallible as it is at times, never an error, but sometimes forgotten details like that stupid dragon man having had his own ears cut off.
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  12. This article is pure genius and a blessed relief from the usual black bashing and IQ yammering. Thank you.

    PS: A couple of editorial comments…

    1. This sentence, ” [The colonel] decided to retire and drink himself to death.” should read, ” [The colonel] decided to retire and finish drinking himself to death.”

    2. I think the usual term for esculent squid is “calamari,” not “calamai.”

    Read More
    • Replies: @mtn cur
    In the case of a female air scout channeling squid, the recipe would be calamity rather than calamari.
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  13. anonymous says: • Disclaimer

    The trans-whatevers are perhaps a tenth of one percent of the population. Since it usually involves some sort of sex then naturally people automatically get excited. Now we’ve got public mud-wrestling melees over toilet stalls. It’s a great bait-and-switch, promise one thing then give them something else that’s worthless. The country is going downhill in a number of ways yet they’ve found a way to get everyone distracted with this freak show. Pretty neat trick.

    Read More
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  14. Rehmat says:

    Professor Sarah Schulman (College of Staten Island, New York), a “giant squid” herself, has claimed in her book ‘Israel/Palestine and the Queer International’ that LGBT rights movement is mainly funded by Israel and the Jewish multi-billionaire George Soro.

    Like Netanyahu, Schulman, too, has a “Zionist solution” to Jewish occupation of Palestine. In the book, she advises Palestinians that they should stop military resistance against Israel and adopt a Gandhian-style non-violent protests – and support the ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenders (LGBT)‘ groups. She believes this will enhance Hamas image like Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah among the western powers.

    https://rehmat1.com/2013/08/09/schulman-gay-rights-movement-is-jewish/

    Read More
    • Replies: @edNels


    Those who invented ''ritual castration'' if you know, (i don't mean they are alone in that,) but thousands of years, of that weird practice, (which deserves some careful analysis as to it's purposes and to its effects,) have figured: that among the effects, would be a disturbance of sexual function. And, whether running a cult or dominating a docile under class, what a tool! To Get them where they multiply… To control their reproduction!

    So, don't be surprised if there is a growing use of psychological operations of sexual nature (Pussy Riots, etc. and the like, ) couldn't be the paramount focus in these times of [ mass media/ mass society, ]and frankly, a terminal phase of Human Normality, such as it was. Da da da…

    But seriously, the masses are run nuts already, the Elite are no good, it might be time for a second coming, before the Satanic bunch takes it too far!

    No, but I mean some of us are just lately learning about ''God as we Understand him…"
    But, um, nature, ecology, decency, Up is Up/down is down, male and female, The Golden Rule, be Nice…

    Hell with the perverts! and the demons they rode in on!
    , @RadicalCenter
    Certainly it's good news when homosexuality flourishes among one's enemies. It leads to lower fertility rates and the utter demoralization and confusion of even the heterosexual population.
    , @Son of Dixie
    Homosexuality is rampant within the Arab world as well, probably more so than in Western nations.

    This article was a waste of time. Fred must be back on the bottle again.
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  15. mtn cur says:
    @Jacques Sheete
    This article is pure genius and a blessed relief from the usual black bashing and IQ yammering. Thank you.

    PS: A couple of editorial comments...

    1. This sentence, " [The colonel] decided to retire and drink himself to death." should read, " [The colonel] decided to retire and finish drinking himself to death."

    2. I think the usual term for esculent squid is "calamari," not "calamai."

    In the case of a female air scout channeling squid, the recipe would be calamity rather than calamari.

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  16. Che Guava says:
    @TheJester
    Hi Fred,

    Here is a guy who thinks he is dragon. He's done the ultimate "tranny" ... going under the knife to make himself look better in the mirror. You know, it's that self-image thing associated with "trannies" looking in mirrors.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3524063/Transgender-woman-Eva-Tiamat-Medusa-ears-nose-removed-dragon-lady.html

    I thought that Ashton Carter, the Secretary of Defense, could use him as a "poster child" for transgendered people in the military. Carter is 100% behind them ... and haven't you heard, the Department of Defense has now adapted the concept of transition to its order of battle. Just like "trans'd women", "trans'd men", and "trans'd x" entering military service, the F-35 has been officially trans'd from a "hanger queen" into world-class fighter. It's in the news. I believe they call this HQTWF.

    Congress is giving Carter their unqualified support. This "trans" thing is now a movement with the potential to dramatically reduce defense budgets by "transitioning" obsolete Humvees into front-line battle tanks and short, slightly overweight women into fearsome commandos. The potential appears unlimited.

    The Department of Defense has become a leader in the "trans" movement. It's their future!

    Ha, ha,

    In before thee!

    That said, you gave a couple of further details, I forgot about him also having had his ears cut off, and that he had also claimed to be a woman, before deciding to claim to be a dragon.

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  17. TheJester says:
    @DanF
    The terrifying part is I cannot even decide if the post is prophetic of things to come or a joke.... We are all screwed.

    It’s prophetic. In Europe, the pinnacle of Western Civilization, normal people are undergoing “intervention” for not understanding the value of homosexuality and men pretending to be women and women pretending to be men and humans pretending to be animals. Bestiality and pedophilia are just around the corner. Normal social behavior and normal family life are now anti-social, deviant behaviors.

    I always thought that America was the world’s leader for “pop” culture. No, Europe bested us on this one. But that’s the point. See it happen in Europe and we’ll shortly see it on the East Coast and the Left Coast. As for the Great Flyover, who cares? Facebook now has 58 gender identities from a dropdown list with the option of inputting even more.

    The import is that these 58+ distinct gender identities are certain to apply for protected status under civil rights laws and other government social re-engineering programs. This gets too complex to understand or manage as they stand in line for affirmative action handouts. I’m not too happy about this, knowing that the White male will have to take the blame and foot the bill.

    And we worry about the impact of the national debt on our children and grandchildren. We ain’t seen nothing yet!

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  18. Che Guava says:
    @TheJester
    Hi Fred,

    Here is a guy who thinks he is dragon. He's done the ultimate "tranny" ... going under the knife to make himself look better in the mirror. You know, it's that self-image thing associated with "trannies" looking in mirrors.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3524063/Transgender-woman-Eva-Tiamat-Medusa-ears-nose-removed-dragon-lady.html

    I thought that Ashton Carter, the Secretary of Defense, could use him as a "poster child" for transgendered people in the military. Carter is 100% behind them ... and haven't you heard, the Department of Defense has now adapted the concept of transition to its order of battle. Just like "trans'd women", "trans'd men", and "trans'd x" entering military service, the F-35 has been officially trans'd from a "hanger queen" into world-class fighter. It's in the news. I believe they call this HQTWF.

    Congress is giving Carter their unqualified support. This "trans" thing is now a movement with the potential to dramatically reduce defense budgets by "transitioning" obsolete Humvees into front-line battle tanks and short, slightly overweight women into fearsome commandos. The potential appears unlimited.

    The Department of Defense has become a leader in the "trans" movement. It's their future!

    Oh my noes,

    I have ‘misgendered’ the dragon Tiamat, sure as hell looks like a very disfigured man in all of the photographs.

    Did a pretty atrocious job of female impersonation, also, like Jenner, reluctant to give up the primary genitalia to further his claim.

    If you look closely, you will see that Jenner looks a little like a Frankenstein’s monster now, after all of the facial procedures, one would guess, B-to-C cup scale implants.

    . . . or perhaps he just always wears falsies?

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  19. Che Guava says:
    @TheJester
    Hi Fred,

    Here is a guy who thinks he is dragon. He's done the ultimate "tranny" ... going under the knife to make himself look better in the mirror. You know, it's that self-image thing associated with "trannies" looking in mirrors.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3524063/Transgender-woman-Eva-Tiamat-Medusa-ears-nose-removed-dragon-lady.html

    I thought that Ashton Carter, the Secretary of Defense, could use him as a "poster child" for transgendered people in the military. Carter is 100% behind them ... and haven't you heard, the Department of Defense has now adapted the concept of transition to its order of battle. Just like "trans'd women", "trans'd men", and "trans'd x" entering military service, the F-35 has been officially trans'd from a "hanger queen" into world-class fighter. It's in the news. I believe they call this HQTWF.

    Congress is giving Carter their unqualified support. This "trans" thing is now a movement with the potential to dramatically reduce defense budgets by "transitioning" obsolete Humvees into front-line battle tanks and short, slightly overweight women into fearsome commandos. The potential appears unlimited.

    The Department of Defense has become a leader in the "trans" movement. It's their future!

    You may also like to scan comment threads, before trying to make posts that big-note yourself. I can just imagine you reading my original light reply, racing off to find the source, and returning to big-note yourself.

    I prefer to pnst from memory, fallible as it is at times, never an error, but sometimes forgotten details like that stupid dragon man having had his own ears cut off.

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  20. @Che Guava
    I thought 'yiff' just meant sex between men who have a fetish for dressing as children's soft toys?

    yes but it describes a similar level of realness

    Read More
    • Agree: Che Guava
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
  21. Robert McFarley, came out of the closet as a Bolivian anteater and was discovered to be having termites flown in from La Paz.

    What happens when trans-phylum is another trans-phylum’s food? I know it wounds ridiculous, but…dogs and cats living together?

    Read More
    ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter Display All Comments
  22. Boris says:

    Believing yourself to be a giant squid seems no less reasonable than believing that the wine you drink every Sunday turns into blood.

    But what would you guys do if you didn’t care so constantly and deeply about the sexual practices of other people?

    Read More
    • Replies: @Ace
    Your first point is funny.

    It's not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it's hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers. Ditto for Lena Dunham who seems to want the world to think about her you know what. It must be something to behold.

    Personally, I do everything in my power not to think of her or their sexual practices.
    , @Anonymous
    Maybe if you gave up your corksoaking you'd feel better. "If you do not eat my body and drink my blood you have no life in you..." New Testament Gospel of John.
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  23. edNels [AKA "geoshmoe"] says:
    @Rehmat
    Professor Sarah Schulman (College of Staten Island, New York), a "giant squid" herself, has claimed in her book 'Israel/Palestine and the Queer International’ that LGBT rights movement is mainly funded by Israel and the Jewish multi-billionaire George Soro.

    Like Netanyahu, Schulman, too, has a "Zionist solution" to Jewish occupation of Palestine. In the book, she advises Palestinians that they should stop military resistance against Israel and adopt a Gandhian-style non-violent protests – and support the ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenders (LGBT)‘ groups. She believes this will enhance Hamas image like Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah among the western powers.

    https://rehmat1.com/2013/08/09/schulman-gay-rights-movement-is-jewish/

    Those who invented ”ritual castration” if you know, (i don’t mean they are alone in that,) but thousands of years, of that weird practice, (which deserves some careful analysis as to it’s purposes and to its effects,) have figured: that among the effects, would be a disturbance of sexual function. And, whether running a cult or dominating a docile under class, what a tool! To Get them where they multiply… To control their reproduction!

    So, don’t be surprised if there is a growing use of psychological operations of sexual nature (Pussy Riots, etc. and the like, ) couldn’t be the paramount focus in these times of [ mass media/ mass society, ]and frankly, a terminal phase of Human Normality, such as it was. Da da da…

    But seriously, the masses are run nuts already, the Elite are no good, it might be time for a second coming, before the Satanic bunch takes it too far!

    No, but I mean some of us are just lately learning about ”God as we Understand him…”
    But, um, nature, ecology, decency, Up is Up/down is down, male and female, The Golden Rule, be Nice…

    Hell with the perverts! and the demons they rode in on!

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  24. Sean2007 says:

    I have to wonder about the guardians of sexual virtue who go into such pornographic detail in denouncing the “ins and outs” of gay sex or who feel compelled to share their tentacle-porn fetish with the public.

    You know, because straight. morally correct guys obsess over the mechanics of gay sex and being penetrated by women with tentacles all the time. Get yourself some octopussy already and get over it.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tentacle_erotica

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  25. Ragno says:

    Now the one burning question is: did Fred write this before…. or after…. the Senate confirmed pillow-biter Eric Fanning as the Secretary of the Army? (Apparently no humiliation is too great to break the will of the Old America, it seems.)

    My money’s squarely on would it even matter?

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  26. was discovered to be having termites flown in from La Paz.

    I hope they were free-range, fair trade termites.

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  27. Sorry, Tom Kratman wrote up the Social Justice Armed Forces some time ago and did it much more “realistically.” We are being ruled today by certifiable lunatics, from Obama on down.

    http://www.everyjoe.com/2015/12/28/politics/social-justice-armed-forces/

    http://www.everyjoe.com/2016/01/04/politics/social-justice-armed-forces-going-to-field/

    http://www.everyjoe.com/2016/01/11/politics/social-justice-armed-forces-going-to-war/

    [MORE]

    Just one not-so-brief excerpt:

    You said this is going to be a road march, Top? I’m getting on in years; not sure I’m up to it.

    “Trust me on this, sir, if you were in a wheelchair you might not be up to it. If it rained. Otherwise, you’re up to it. Just watch.”

    Nice to see that the women are carrying their load, Top.

    “I repeat, sir; ‘ Just watch.’”

    Hey, Top, what are all the people with cameras and microphones doing here?

    “They’re reporters. They show up every time we march out under full load. They’ll be there at the end, too.”

    Any of them going to follow along, like I will?

    “No, sir; they’re only interested in the photo opportunities at the beginning and end; those, and maybe an interview….and, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, sir, I see Bravo Company has disappeared around the bend. All right you…people…you persons…RUCK UP! Captain Vimpenscheisse; they’re all yours, sir.”

    *****

    At this point, your humble reporter from the future will interject a compressed version of part of what happened on the road march. On the captain’s order the company moved out at a reasonable pace, maybe a little slower than the normal two and a half miles an hour one might expect, but really not appreciably slower. Then, once the company had passed a bend in the road where the press couldn’t see them anymore, they stopped altogether. Why did they stop? Well, it took a little time for the women – all but a couple of the tougher ones – to empty their rucksacks, hand over the heavier bits of gear to the men, then blow up waterproof bags to give the rucks the appearance of being both full and heavy. The transfer of heavy equipment, the machine guns, radios, and chunks of mortar went quicker. When the women’s load was reduced to what they could hope to carry, usually not more than forty pounds, and the men’s load had gone up to something approaching the maximum they could hope to carry, something over one hundred and sixty pounds, the company took off again at a slightly more brisk pace, maybe three miles an hour.

    Even so…

    *****

    Ummm…that Hummer’s getting a little overloaded with fallouts, isn’t it, Top? And I note they’re all women.

    “Not all, sir; Corporal Schmidlap hurt his back trying to carry the loads of three of the mortar girls on his own. He’s in there, too.”

    Oh, right; I see the one male now. Gutsy of him to try to carry all that.

    “Not so much gutsy as horny, sir. Those three girls from the mortars will, I assure you, make it up to him in many delightful and varied ways over the next couple of weeks. Note, too, that when he fell out and got on the Hummer he took the pieces of the mortars with him.”

    I see. Hmmmm…that will make it tougher if the mortars have to do a hasty fire mission, no?

    “What’s success in battle compared to getting a favorable diversity comment on an OER, sir?”

    Good point, I suppose. Who am I to judge, anyway; I didn’t have to put up with this kind of thing when I was a company commander. Hey, what’s with that squad of men who aren’t carrying any extra gear?

    “That’s the gay squad, sir. Most units that have gays have formed one – a squad or a fire team or a tank crew or two, or maybe a gun section for the redlegs – so to speak, unofficially. They like it better that way and so do the others.”

    But why aren’t they carrying extra gear like all the straight men?

    “The captain tried to make them, after Dawn, his driver, threatened to shut him off if he wouldn’t. The gays, who have their own Zampolits, said – and this is exactly what they said; I was there: ‘Fuck off, sir; there’s nothing in it for us and we’ll go to the papers and the politicians if you try to make us.”

    “I think they had a pretty good case, myself. And Dawn wasn’t sure who would win that fight. Neither was the battalion Zampolit, von Ruggenmunschen, so they let it slide. And the gays do pull their own weight, at least, gotta give ‘em that much.”

    What about…mmm…who was it? ‘Loretta,’ who claimed to be pregnant?

    “Different case, sir, totally different; Loretta claims to be female and straight, even though physically a male. Hence we are required to treat…her…I suppose it has to be her…as what she claims to be. Thus totally different circumstances, as I’m sure you can see.

    Yes…totally different…of course.

    *****

    And, once again, your humble reporter has to compress a bit toward the end of the road march. That is to say, about one mile from the release point, the point where the battalion’s subordinate units are released to the authority of their own commanders, they stopped once again. The women, but not Schmidlap who seemed to really have hurt himself, were hustled off the fallout Hummer. The heavy weapons and other pieces of equipment that the men had carried for the last six hours were passed back but there didn’t seem to be time to return the personal gear, so the rucksacks of most of the women remained filled largely with air.

    After that, Captain von Vimpenscheissen gave the company the orders, “forward…MARCH…doubletime…MARCH,” and the company ran to the release point, singing and clapping, while a horde of admiring journalists (if it isn’t linguistic matricide to use the term to describe the people waiting there) oooed and ahhhed, took photos, and scribbled furiously into notebooks or their electronic equivalents.

    And then the first sergeant came back to where I stood, smiling broadly, in that way some men and women have of smiling while boiling inside.

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  28. The more dysfunctional they make the military and police, the less I worry about those being turned on early-adopters of the New Narrative, you know, the one that goes back to sanity, goes back to seeing LGB as a vice, largely a self-destructive habit of people who harbor a pathological sex drive, T as being an open sign of insanity, and women as being intrinsically different from men and therefore unlikely to meet even remotely objective physical standards for physical jobs.

    The state (political government) is in the process of going completely off into Lunatic Land, taking every bit of its actual utility with it. From state schools to crime suppression to national defense, the state’s output is declining to ZERO while costs are skyrocketing.

    This is the normal progression of a monopoly. Costs go up, output goes down, quality of output goes down…because, hey, there’s no other “seller” of those goods from whom to buy them.

    People are having to revert to doing everything (or privately contracting for it) themselves…sadly, while still paying for the useless state version.

    Eventually the citizenry will get fed up with this stupidity and throw out not just the politician bums but the entire paradigm that animates them today (The Equals Temple, rev. Jim Jones presiding, brought to you by the makers of Cherry KoolAid and KCN, USP.)

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  29. Olorin says:
    @DanF
    The terrifying part is I cannot even decide if the post is prophetic of things to come or a joke.... We are all screwed.

    Yeah, but it’s all easily answerable and disarmable with reference to evolutionary biology and genetics/cladistics.

    Problem is, neither our madwomen/madmen or our gatekeepers, including those in the Chattering Classes, care about that. Science, like math, is hard, and science based on math harder still.

    All’s fair in the pursuit of power, mates, and food, and pushback from the ramparts has been replaced with surrender to the noisiest dolt in the room.

    Especially in this era where dolt-wrangling supplies more lucrative careers than building and sustaining ramparts.

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  30. @Che Guava
    Thanks for that article, Fred. Amusing throughout, made me laugh twice in a public place.

    I recently read of a man who claims to be expressing his inner dragon, on the 'net somewhere. Probably not hard to track down.

    In this cause he has had:

    his nose cut of;

    his tongue split;

    a couple of 'horns' permanently attached to his forehead;

    all head hair removed (although he may not have had much to do there, on top); and

    had his whole body tattoed with a reptile-scale pattern.

    More, I think, but don't recall.

    One imagines he must be living off a very lavish inheritance.

    Truly grotesque, but the result is more evocative of a demon than a dragon.

    Sick losers like this “man” waste their lives on such nonsense instead of finding a good woman and raising a family. Meanwhile, Mexicans and Muslims continue to breed like rabbits here in the USA. Yeah, this will work out well.

    P.S. Any doctor who helped the man mutilate himself thus, should be thrown out of the profession and shunned. Disgusting and certainly NOT the “practice of the healing arts.”

    Read More
    • Agree: Che Guava
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    The worst case I have heard of in terms of medical crimes was a woman who found having vision was in conflict with her self-image.

    She eventually found a doctor willing to administer caustic soda to her eyes (probably in the form of drain-cleaner) with a dropper, was disappointed that it took some time to go blind.

    I have had blind friends, am sure that they would be disgusted at someone having done such a thing.

    The amputation fetishists (as opposed to amputee fetishists) 'Oh, my body image doesn't include having two legs', there are several cases where surgeons have gone along with it.

    Sure, some of what is reported is 'net myth, but some is real, physicians helping with these odd fantasies surely should be prosecuted.
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  31. @Rehmat
    Professor Sarah Schulman (College of Staten Island, New York), a "giant squid" herself, has claimed in her book 'Israel/Palestine and the Queer International’ that LGBT rights movement is mainly funded by Israel and the Jewish multi-billionaire George Soro.

    Like Netanyahu, Schulman, too, has a "Zionist solution" to Jewish occupation of Palestine. In the book, she advises Palestinians that they should stop military resistance against Israel and adopt a Gandhian-style non-violent protests – and support the ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenders (LGBT)‘ groups. She believes this will enhance Hamas image like Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah among the western powers.

    https://rehmat1.com/2013/08/09/schulman-gay-rights-movement-is-jewish/

    Certainly it’s good news when homosexuality flourishes among one’s enemies. It leads to lower fertility rates and the utter demoralization and confusion of even the heterosexual population.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    There is no point replying to Rehmat on anything.

    Many men in many Muslim societies are
    very fond of homosexual sex. Simple fact, easily confirmed.

    At the same time, women are increasingly cloistered, so 'A boy for love, women for cattle, camels for real erotic fun' remains true.

    I should add, the IDF has much activity among male soldiers, too. They take MDMA, and tupp each other.
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  32. Pat Casey says:

    Yo Fred you ever wanna go in on a screenplay with me I got lotsa hooks hangin around. Sailer said the last one I sent him was astounding for the snappy dialogue that attained a level of eloquence true bards have to reach for. Sailer said some young money wanna make cool movies should pay me big bucks for that thing. Sailer said if I wasn’t grounded in DC I’d probably be out to takeover youngblood moves in LA. Swat Sailer said.

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  33. Ace says:
    @Boris
    Believing yourself to be a giant squid seems no less reasonable than believing that the wine you drink every Sunday turns into blood.

    But what would you guys do if you didn't care so constantly and deeply about the sexual practices of other people?

    Your first point is funny.

    It’s not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it’s hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers. Ditto for Lena Dunham who seems to want the world to think about her you know what. It must be something to behold.

    Personally, I do everything in my power not to think of her or their sexual practices.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Jacques Sheete
    I agree, Ace.

    "It’s not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it’s hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers..."

    Which, I suspect, is exactly what they're hoping for.

    Anyway, Boris confuses mocking for caring and probably never heard of Aristophanes, Menippus, Lucian of Samosata or Juvenal to mention a few.
    , @Boris

    it’s hard to ignore things
     
    It really isn't.
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  34. @Ace
    Your first point is funny.

    It's not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it's hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers. Ditto for Lena Dunham who seems to want the world to think about her you know what. It must be something to behold.

    Personally, I do everything in my power not to think of her or their sexual practices.

    I agree, Ace.

    “It’s not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it’s hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers…”

    Which, I suspect, is exactly what they’re hoping for.

    Anyway, Boris confuses mocking for caring and probably never heard of Aristophanes, Menippus, Lucian of Samosata or Juvenal to mention a few.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Ace
    Years ago in Virginia I got out of my car in a parking lot and observed an individual about four cars over who had an unusual appearance. It proved to be a young man who had liberally applied bright violet eye shadow. When I see stuff like that I always wonder on what day did that fellow wake up and say to himself, "Self. Today is the day that I make my life better by applying violet eye shadow and going out in public." He could only have made himself more obvious by placing a rotating red beacon on his head. He would no doubt complain in court if an employer asked him to refrain during office hours. Normal people are thus required to adapt to abnormality, though a sane court system would not protect such oddities.

    I admit I had to look up Menippus and Lucian myself. The latter wrote the Prime Directive for our eventual regaining of sanity:


    What blessings that book [by Epicurus] creates for its readers and what peace, tranquillity, and freedom it engenders in them, liberating them as it does from terrors and apparitions and portents, from vain hopes and extravagant cravings, developing in them intelligence and truth, and truly purifying their understanding, not with torches and squills [i. e. sea onions] and that sort of foolery, but with straight thinking, truthfulness and frankness.
     
    Those "vain hopes and extravagant cravings" he mentions come close to describing the wholesale flight from reality that we see in the West. "Straight thinking, truthfulness and frankness" is what many people engage in to push back the madness but the "hate speech" corrective is popular among the Treason Class.

    But I digress.
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  35. Che Guava says:
    @RadicalCenter
    Sick losers like this "man" waste their lives on such nonsense instead of finding a good woman and raising a family. Meanwhile, Mexicans and Muslims continue to breed like rabbits here in the USA. Yeah, this will work out well.

    P.S. Any doctor who helped the man mutilate himself thus, should be thrown out of the profession and shunned. Disgusting and certainly NOT the "practice of the healing arts."

    The worst case I have heard of in terms of medical crimes was a woman who found having vision was in conflict with her self-image.

    She eventually found a doctor willing to administer caustic soda to her eyes (probably in the form of drain-cleaner) with a dropper, was disappointed that it took some time to go blind.

    I have had blind friends, am sure that they would be disgusted at someone having done such a thing.

    The amputation fetishists (as opposed to amputee fetishists) ‘Oh, my body image doesn’t include having two legs’, there are several cases where surgeons have gone along with it.

    Sure, some of what is reported is ‘net myth, but some is real, physicians helping with these odd fantasies surely should be prosecuted.

    Read More
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  36. Che Guava says:
    @RadicalCenter
    Certainly it's good news when homosexuality flourishes among one's enemies. It leads to lower fertility rates and the utter demoralization and confusion of even the heterosexual population.

    There is no point replying to Rehmat on anything.

    Many men in many Muslim societies are
    very fond of homosexual sex. Simple fact, easily confirmed.

    At the same time, women are increasingly cloistered, so ‘A boy for love, women for cattle, camels for real erotic fun’ remains true.

    I should add, the IDF has much activity among male soldiers, too. They take MDMA, and tupp each other.

    Read More
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  37. Boris says:
    @Ace
    Your first point is funny.

    It's not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it's hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers. Ditto for Lena Dunham who seems to want the world to think about her you know what. It must be something to behold.

    Personally, I do everything in my power not to think of her or their sexual practices.

    it’s hard to ignore things

    It really isn’t.

    Read More
    • Replies: @dc.sunsets
    It's easy to ignore people who keep their predilections in private. Those who insist on dragging others into their delusions and perversions will eventually find out that this multi-decade period of seeming tolerance was nothing of the sort.

    I sincerely hope you're more than an Internet Troll, and that you actually live your beliefs in a very public way.
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  38. Ace says:
    @Jacques Sheete
    I agree, Ace.

    "It’s not so much that we care about sexual practices of others as that it’s hard to ignore things like men in pink jock straps prancing around wearing lipstick and ostrich feathers..."

    Which, I suspect, is exactly what they're hoping for.

    Anyway, Boris confuses mocking for caring and probably never heard of Aristophanes, Menippus, Lucian of Samosata or Juvenal to mention a few.

    Years ago in Virginia I got out of my car in a parking lot and observed an individual about four cars over who had an unusual appearance. It proved to be a young man who had liberally applied bright violet eye shadow. When I see stuff like that I always wonder on what day did that fellow wake up and say to himself, “Self. Today is the day that I make my life better by applying violet eye shadow and going out in public.” He could only have made himself more obvious by placing a rotating red beacon on his head. He would no doubt complain in court if an employer asked him to refrain during office hours. Normal people are thus required to adapt to abnormality, though a sane court system would not protect such oddities.

    I admit I had to look up Menippus and Lucian myself. The latter wrote the Prime Directive for our eventual regaining of sanity:

    What blessings that book [by Epicurus] creates for its readers and what peace, tranquillity, and freedom it engenders in them, liberating them as it does from terrors and apparitions and portents, from vain hopes and extravagant cravings, developing in them intelligence and truth, and truly purifying their understanding, not with torches and squills [i. e. sea onions] and that sort of foolery, but with straight thinking, truthfulness and frankness.

    Those “vain hopes and extravagant cravings” he mentions come close to describing the wholesale flight from reality that we see in the West. “Straight thinking, truthfulness and frankness” is what many people engage in to push back the madness but the “hate speech” corrective is popular among the Treason Class.

    But I digress.

    Read More
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  39. […] UNZ REVIEW Squids and the Inner Light of Being […]

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  40. […] Source: Squids and the Inner Light of Being – The Unz Review […]

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  41. Priss Factor [AKA "Dominique Francon Society"] says: • Website
    @Che Guava
    DFS,

    What does GLOB mean? I haven't come across the acrynom elsewhere.

    GLOB means Globalist Oligarchy or Globalist Elites.

    Read More
    • Replies: @Che Guava
    Thank you, thought it may have been an acronym.
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  42. Che Guava says:
    @Priss Factor
    GLOB means Globalist Oligarchy or Globalist Elites.

    Thank you, thought it may have been an acronym.

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  43. @Boris

    it’s hard to ignore things
     
    It really isn't.

    It’s easy to ignore people who keep their predilections in private. Those who insist on dragging others into their delusions and perversions will eventually find out that this multi-decade period of seeming tolerance was nothing of the sort.

    I sincerely hope you’re more than an Internet Troll, and that you actually live your beliefs in a very public way.

    Read More
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  44. @Rehmat
    Professor Sarah Schulman (College of Staten Island, New York), a "giant squid" herself, has claimed in her book 'Israel/Palestine and the Queer International’ that LGBT rights movement is mainly funded by Israel and the Jewish multi-billionaire George Soro.

    Like Netanyahu, Schulman, too, has a "Zionist solution" to Jewish occupation of Palestine. In the book, she advises Palestinians that they should stop military resistance against Israel and adopt a Gandhian-style non-violent protests – and support the ‘lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgenders (LGBT)‘ groups. She believes this will enhance Hamas image like Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah among the western powers.

    https://rehmat1.com/2013/08/09/schulman-gay-rights-movement-is-jewish/

    Homosexuality is rampant within the Arab world as well, probably more so than in Western nations.

    This article was a waste of time. Fred must be back on the bottle again.

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  45. Ragno says:

    Fred, anyone who didn’t notice Obama dedicating his lame duck term to fast-tracking the irreversible destruction of the founders’ America last year, simply hasn’t been paying attention.

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  46. @Che Guava
    Thanks for that article, Fred. Amusing throughout, made me laugh twice in a public place.

    I recently read of a man who claims to be expressing his inner dragon, on the 'net somewhere. Probably not hard to track down.

    In this cause he has had:

    his nose cut of;

    his tongue split;

    a couple of 'horns' permanently attached to his forehead;

    all head hair removed (although he may not have had much to do there, on top); and

    had his whole body tattoed with a reptile-scale pattern.

    More, I think, but don't recall.

    One imagines he must be living off a very lavish inheritance.

    Truly grotesque, but the result is more evocative of a demon than a dragon.

    There is, in fact, a “human” answering this description who can be seen regularly at Venice Beach, California. He usually has a very large and very bright green lizard on his shoulder and can be photographed for a donation.

    Read More
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  47. […] noreply@blogger.com (VD) Fred Reed foresees the inevitable developments:It was an epochal moment for the military and perhaps for all of society. Screwing up […]

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  48. Anonymous says: • Disclaimer
    @Boris
    Believing yourself to be a giant squid seems no less reasonable than believing that the wine you drink every Sunday turns into blood.

    But what would you guys do if you didn't care so constantly and deeply about the sexual practices of other people?

    Maybe if you gave up your corksoaking you’d feel better. “If you do not eat my body and drink my blood you have no life in you…” New Testament Gospel of John.

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  49. How dare you mock us inter species love makers. You don’t know what is like to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex locked in the body of a human. My mate knows she is a transformer, not trans sexual, a transformer. Nobody feels our pain. We can’t wait until virtual reality frees us from these chains and we can phuck like bunnies each of us finally in the form we were meant to be.

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  50. Brohemius says:

    Mr. Reed lived in the Washington, D.C. suburbs in the early 80′s, when he was writing for the Washington Times. He must have heard that a soldier stationed at Fort Meyer actually attempted to have sex with a vacuum cleaner, evidently in ’79 or ’80. This soldier’s company was thereafter referred to as “Hoover Guard”.

    As for being “Trans-Phylum”, I’m going to use that in my ongoing dispute with the V.A. But I will have to think of another sea creature, as squid is already taken.

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  51. Tregon says:

    Very funny piece, but it failed here:

    They were Boadiceas of social justice, fighting against the oppression, brutality, contempt and unremitting assault to which women were subjected everywhere, except anywhere that anyone could find.

    In Rotherham, Oxford, Rochdale, Cologne, Malmo and many other places women have definitely been oppressed and brutalized in large numbers. The feminists are still supporting the mass immigration that is responsible. And of course women in the Muslim world, black Africa, India, etc face FGM and startlingly high levels of rape and violence.

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  52. Rusty says:

    Old Fred. Lay of the Peyote Man.

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