The Unz Review: An Alternative Media Selection
A Collection of Interesting, Important, and Controversial Perspectives Largely Excluded from the American Mainstream Media
 BlogviewFred Reed Archive
Matrimony, Holy or Otherwise
A Movable Concentration Camp
🔊 Listen RSS
Email This Page to Someone

 Remember My Information


Bookmark Toggle AllToCAdd to LibraryRemove from Library • BShow CommentNext New CommentNext New ReplyRead More
ReplyAgree/Disagree/Etc. More... This Commenter This Thread Hide Thread Display All Comments
These buttons register your public Agreement, Disagreement, Troll, or LOL with the selected comment. They are ONLY available to recent, frequent commenters who have saved their Name+Email using the 'Remember My Information' checkbox, and may also ONLY be used once per hour.
Ignore Commenter Follow Commenter
Search Text Case Sensitive  Exact Words  Include Comments
List of Bookmarks

If you are a young man, and contemplate matrimony with the love of your life, it is well to look at marriage from the standpoint of reason rather than sentiment. Men are, after all, male, and occasionally capable of reason. The first question to ask yourself is: Why marry? What would you gain? Would your troubles disappear? Would sex be better? Would food be more savory? Would you get tax breaks, enjoy more freedom? Do stock options come with marriage?

Is there any practical advantage at all?

For you, I mean. For her, the advantages are considerable, and the drawbacks few. Your salary will allow her an upscale house, something more important to her than to you, which on the odds she will get in the divorce. Marriage locks-in child support. Since men die younger, she will get to pick your bones. For her, it is a good deal.

For you, no. Marriage has one purpose only, which is to get her legal hooks into you. Do not forget that American women, under the evanescent ivory skin, are eternally adolescent spoiled brats, feminine as a wrestler’s jockstrap and primed, as soon as life’s inevitable shocks come, to blame men for their unhappinesses. That means you.

Do not dismiss the foregoing as clever cynicism. Nobody goes into marriage expecting divorce, but it comes very frequently, and she really does get the house and the children. In divorces, men lose. Your child support will be based on what the judge thinks you should earn—this is called “imputed income”—so that, if you are a stock broker, you cannot decide that you would rather work on a fishing boat in the Caribbean. If the judge thinks you may be a flight risk, she can confiscate your passport. Your wife’s lawyer may advise her to accuse you of sexually molesting the children. (So help me, this happens. In a divorce, the man wants to get out, the wife to get even.) You may be denied visitation.

In the eyes of the court, the children are her property, to be done with as she chooses. She may remarry with an Air Force colonel she met in a meat bar, and be stationed in Okinawa. So much for your kids.

She can ruin you at any moment. Can and, not unlikely, will. When the moment comes, you will be astonished at how much she knows about divorce law, how vicious she can be. In marriage, you are betting your future on the flip of a loaded coin.

The sensible conclusion is that you are better off single, building a career or whatever you want in life, and dating such flowers as drift by.

Should you marry, the pleasure will be fleeting. Remember that women work on the principle of bait, switch, and fade. From fifteen to, say, twenty-five, they are dreams afoot, cute, with perfect skin and aerodynamic lines. That is what you think you are marrying. Add five or ten years, ten or twenty pounds, and the lack of any reason to continue being charming—and you are going to spend the rest of your life with it. Too many men marry the package, and only discover the content when it is too late.

Matrimony is seldom a happy state in America. Given that something like half of marriages end in divorce, you can bet that a lot of others almost do. Of the remainder, probably more are contented than happy. Resignation is not pleasant, but often the best you can hope for.

Live with her if you must, but don’t marry her. A woman cohabiting has at least some incentive to be agreeable. A married woman does not. Worth pondering is that, in a time of declining economy, feckless government, and political instability, the fewer responsibilities you attach to yourself, the better.

The very idea of marriage is problematic. In many ways, men and women are incompatible. Exceptions and degrees, yes, but on average women are more domestic, materialistic, fearful, totalitarian, and comfortable with routine. This means that to the extent you have masculine interests, you will find her to be an anchor. This doesn’t mean only that she won’t like that awful motorcycle or that noisy Corvette thingy. She won’t want to live in a small condo in the funky part of town, go to the shooting range, or scuba dive.

It is said that marriage rests on compromises, but in fact it rests on concessions, and you will make all of them. You will find your social life gravitating fast to other married couples. She won’t want you to have single female friends (nor will you want her to have single male frieds: Marriage is based on mistrust.). Worse, she won’t want you to have single male friends. She will want you where she can keep an eye on you. Forget going out with the guys.

Children, which she will persuade you that you want, on thought you probably don’t want. They are an ungodly burden until they reach adolescence, at which point they become ungodly monsters, before leaving for university and becoming ungodly expenses. Babies are cute, but they smell, make noise, and require constant attention.

You may well find that you do not particularly like your children. You probably have certain tastes in regard to character, intelligence, and so on. Your children may not have these qualities. In romantic theory you should love them because they are yours. In practice you have to say that you do.

One reads today that young men have turned to pornography and masturbation instead of having a normal, healthy interest in women—“normal,” and “healthy” according to women. This is debatable. A man who sits home choking his chicken does not have to put up with irrational behavior, unreasonable demands, PMS, nutty mood swings, “relaltionship” talk, or unending expense. Masturbation seldom involves separation. Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children. Porn offers more variety that the average girlfriend. In terms of cost and benefit, flogging the bishop can make much more sense.

If you look at marriage analytically, you see that it is designed entirely to benefit her, not you. It is a raw deal. In return for bad sex, you tie yourself to a rapidly aging, plumping member of a sex that doesn’t like you, has little in common with you, and will control every aspect of your life until the breakup. Ask yourself, “Do I really like talking to her as much to guys, or am I attracted only to her pearly skin, her ruby lips, and other short-term investments?” Or, “If she were male, would I think she was interesting?”

Conservatives rumble about the declining white population, the need to keep up with the Chinese, and the economy’s dependence on housing starts. You might respond, “Bugger off.” It isn’t your problem. You owe nothing to a society that stacks the deck against you. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.

(Republished from Fred on Everything by permission of author or representative)
• Category: Ideology • Tags: Feminism, Marriage 
Hide 83 CommentsLeave a Comment
Commenters to FollowEndorsed Only
Trim Comments?
  1. Flip says:

    They used to have to pay men to marry and take on responsibility for women with dowries.

  2. Rich says:

    Fred gets it right, again. Marriages, among Whites, keep happening, followed, usually, by divorce and misery, but they keep on happening. I can understand it among religious folk, it’s part of their faith, but why the average secularist-American marries in a religious ceremony, usually spending more than they can afford, makes no sense. Of course, the young know everything and will never listen to those of us who have fought the battle and have the scars to prove it.

    • Replies: @joe bob hey gonzales
  3. Dutch Boy says:

    Simple: I like sex and I like babies. With marriage you get both and a chance to take care of those precious babies. Find a woman who also likes both and you’ve got a deal.

  4. “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.”

    For bishop floggers, that is true. The greater longevity and health of married men is actuarially indisputable.

    But it’s true marriage is not congenial to curmudgeons, who are constitutionally attractive to termagent wives.

    • Replies: @Escher
    , @lrC
  5. pyrrhus says:

    As Rod Stewart, married 8 times, said, “why don’t I just find a woman I don’t like and give her my house?”

  6. Sean T says:

    Hey Fred, thanks for cheering up a single guy!

  7. SeanK says:

    Fred is with a Mexican woman in Mexico. No wonder he is such a pessimistic person. Who wouldn’t be in that situation? Presumably his live in seniorita – that he refuses to marry – is only with Fred for his gubbmint check.

    • Replies: @Truth
    , @Anonymous
    , @anon
  8. Truth says:

    I thought you were married, Freddie.

  9. Owly says:

    I got married right out of college. I’ve been happily married for over a decade, with two kids and no regrets or compliants. Yet I sort of agree with Fred. He tends to overgeneralize (his recent article about female programmers is a perfect example), and perhaps it’s for humorous effect. In this case, he’s right that a lot of marriages are destined for misery, if not failure. Don’t just think twice, boys. Think really long and really hard. You can get lucky, but marriage has a good chance of utterly destroying the best years of your life.

    • Replies: @anon
  10. Truth says:

    Presumably his live in seniorita – that he refuses to marry

    Now Mr. Reed, say it ain’t so! You’re living in sin in direct opposition of the protestant morals which birthed you, and made this country* great?!?!?!

    *I meant ours, not yours.

    • Replies: @rod1963
  11. Hacienda says:

    Being single and childless at 50 sucks a lot more than being married, or having been married with kids. Even kids that you don’t like. Which is pretty much impossible. To truly hate your kids, you’ve got have a true monster. Very rare.

    White bachelors at 50, they think scoring equitorial hookers is the pinnacle of living.

  12. abj_slant says:

    In a divorce, the man wants to get out, the wife to get even.

    Get even for what, Fred?

    • Replies: @another fred
    , @Dahlia
  13. Sean T says:

    Unless you’ve lived both lives, you really can’t say, can you? It doesn’t matter, only egomaniacs think life is a choice.

  14. All of the pain of which he speaks is true, but there is nothing like the joy and wonder in a 3 year old grandchild’s eyes to give meaning to an old fart’s life.

  15. @abj_slant

    Get even for what, Fred?

    For every slight and disappointment that life has to offer, but most especially for those suffered at the hands of the family she grew up in.

    No matter how they abused her she is irrevocably bound to them, a husband serves many purposes but most especially as a surrogate target for unfocused anger.

    Marry carefully, and don’t believe any of the crap that therapists and priests peddle.

    • Replies: @Ernest Money
  16. @Hacienda

    Um. Try being a single divorced father at 50. I’ve met a few of those. All the problems that you mentioned and a child support check to write each month.

    Full disclosure: I’m a pretty happily married man with two kids that I actually like being around. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of what Fred’s talking about, especially the marriages hanging on by a thread. Most of those couple stay together for the kids and because neither wants to take the lifestyle hit that comes with trying to finance two separate houses on one income (the husband’s).

  17. Everything Mr. Reed says is true, but it’s primarily because of the absurd laws – black letter, common law, etc. — that have evolved in western culture. A better system based on a required, standard, but readily modified marriage contract would work mich better. To equalize things, a recognition that women bear primary responsibility for infants and toddlers while men are more important in turning children into repoonsible adults might be useful: Mothers should have primary ownership of children until say age six at which point primary ownership reverts to fathers. This would take care of all kiinds of problems that arise when women can use children as an unlimited tool for revenge and mealticket. A reasonable salary for childcare and homework — based on joint family income and the share of child care and homemaking that a woman takes on — sjhould be the basis for division of property in case of a divorce. Both partners should commit absolutely to joint residence, shared child-rearing responsibilties, and monogamy once a child is born and until the last child reaches adulthood except in the most egregious cases, i.e., the traditional reasons for divorce before the no-fault system which has provided a windfall for women. Divorceable offenses should include little more than real spouse abuse, adultery, and persistent gross failure to fulfill one’s spousal obligations. No one should be allowed to conceive or raise children unless they are committed to support their offspring in a contracted marriage , as described previously. Violators would lose their children and be sterilized. This would solve all kinds of problems with marriage and childrearing and also take4 care of many other issues including baby mommas on the welfare dole and phony homosexual interest in marriage.

  18. David says:

    Socrates, asked by a friend if he should get married or stay a bachelor, said that he must expect to regret his choice either way.

  19. cjc says:

    Fred is pretty much correct. Women tend to benefit the most from marriage. This is certainly true in the United States, where many women are tyrannical spoiled brats nowadays. Being single can be lonely. But being in a bad marriage can be even worse. At least if you’re single, you are free to seek out a friend or friends. You may also travel to seek companionship elsewhere if it seems that your current locale is teeming with mostly spoiled and selfish prospects.

    • Replies: @Anonymous
  20. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    Wow! My husband was diagnosed with MS after we married. I was with him for 33 years and at the end was his caregiver. We both worked, raised two beautiful children that we adored, and to the very end he was my hero. So mentally tough, independent and kind, that he amazed me every day. Yes, life would have been easier for me if I’d never married him.

  21. Bud says:

    Fred: You are sometimes brilliant. Here you aren’t. Here you’re just bitter. This strikes me a drunken letter to one of your kids who accused you of being a lousy dad. Your response: I never liked your mom, or you, for that matter.

  22. Bud says:

    Fred: You are sometimes brilliant. Here you aren’t. Here you’re just bitter. This strikes me a drunken letter to one of your kids who accused you of being a lousy dad. Your response: I never liked your mom, or you, for that matter.

  23. Renoman says:

    I think everyone has a different take on this depending on who they Marry. Twice for me so far and i like it but I was blessed with interesting loving Women who apparently are in short supply.
    Fred is right about the logic though, it definitely makes no sense on paper.

  24. Mike Zwick [AKA "arvie"] says:

    Fred, be a little clearer. Tell us what you really think of marriage!

  25. @another fred

    This is the psychological dimension to marriage to which Fred seems oblivious. Women are not simply looking for an income and a sperm donor. What they want is 24/7 supportive psychotherapy – “When my soul was in the lost and found, You came along, to claim it… You make me feel like a natural woman.” What does the guy get out of it? “if I make you happy I don’t need to do more” Not a bad deal, until he tires of it, or on a bad day, needs some support himself. Thus the resentfulness.

  26. I wonder if marriage isn’t just an anachronism today. In the past, children were an asset, a wife an asset. Today, children are purely a liability and wives more likely a liability than otherwise. Much of this is the government’s doing. In fact, it’s hard at the moment to think of anything government has done in the last 100 years to encourage stable family formation. It’s remarkably easy, on the other hand, to think of a great many things government has done to disincentivise (if not outright discourage) marriage and children (for productive taxpaying white citizens anyway)..

  27. anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    A person has a 50/50 chance of lucking out or having a slow motion crash on their hands. If a person is going to have children then things need to be legal for their sake. Having children are pretty much the only reason to get married though.
    After the age of 35 things can go downhill pretty fast. I see couples over that age walking by every moment I’m outside and in this age of obesity I see all these guys chained to some land whale. You just know it’s all over except the tv watching and questions of where to eat next. Guys are watching hot girls walk by and wish they could magically ditch the baggage and be by their side.
    Another thing is that women live lives of fantasy and believe they were supposed to marry a prince. Often they have feelings that they had to settle downwards for less than a prince and have a repressed anger about it that flares up now and then. Also, face the fact that many women go mental after menopause. A guy gets trapped in a loony bin.
    Mr Reed has made the right move. Live in a slower moving, less expensive place like Mexico and shack up with some nice agreeable local woman. For an older guy that’s the best thing; nobody at that point needs the rat race.

  28. Perspective of a happily married and very pregnant woman:

    Reed makes an important point, even if he exaggerates its application. Not all men are cut out for participating in the most important civilizational institution, marriage, and in reproduction. It would be better, for the earth and for the species, if all such men abjured women and contented themselves with pornography.

    Also, married sex is better.

    • Replies: @Bill P
  29. SFG says:

    Game theory. Dying alone is worse than dying married, but dying alone is better than dying alone with alimony. So do you think you have a better-than-average chance of marriage working out? But then, doesn’t everyone think that?

  30. I get that there are serious consequences and drawbacks if one chooses badly or enters into marriage without serious consideration, or that when marriages fail, they tend to do so terribly. I understand that in most cases, that the law generally falls in favour of the woman.It is also my understanding that Mr Reed is himself married. If he views marriage in this light, one then has to ask – then why is he married? WHY? Apart from all this – what are the answers then? What alternative is there? I just felt very resigned and miserable after reading this.

  31. Escher says:
    @Fran Macadam

    1) As someone has said before, married men don’t actually live longer, it just feels longer to them.
    2) Many married men have to rely on bishop flogging, especially once kids arrive.

    • Replies: @Brother John
  32. Dahlia says:

    Yeah, saying that in a divorce the man wants to get out, the woman wants to get even… isn’t this usually a euphemism for saying one commited adultery???

    I thought Fred Reed was supposed to be this straight talking, salt-of-earth type who married his soul mate in Mexico, being more interested in a warm, down to earth woman.

    Now, he sounds like a caricature of the Me Generation of which he’s a member.
    Is this right? Cheated on wife and got taken to the cleaners then later retired to Mexico where his funds would go much further plus he would be better able to self-actualize. Besides, his ungrateful brats see him as the bad guy, anyway, so, middle fingers to Junior. And he is not married, but shacked up with one of the locals??? I remember Fred posting pictures of a couple of young people in a sweet post once and assumed one or more was a stepchild… Could Fred really not be a legit step dad, but a “Dear Mother’s Boyfriend”?!? That’s gotta sting for those kids. Hopefully not true.

    The one commenter seemed right It sounds like a screed aimed at a son about he and his mother.

    Anyway, if Fred was the adulterer or unforgivable husband he seems to hint at being, then this is the prolest situation/thing I have ever read in the Stevosphere or at Unz’s which is quite the feat given the “Ask a Mexican” guy.

    • Replies: @man
  33. abj_slant says:

    Prenups is the way to go, to divide the larger assets such as house and cars.

    If there are kids involved, child support (and their well-being) should be self-evident.

    On the bright side, more wives now have professions outside the home, and alimony is awarded to only 10-15% of ex’s in today’s two-income families.

    • Replies: @truth
    , @maxsnafu
  34. Bill P says:

    I really like kids, and marriage (or something like it) is the price you have to pay to have them as a man. It’s a
    pretty hard bargain, to be sure, but I guess nothing comes for free.

    Marriage in the US would be a lot more tolerable if men had more time and space to themselves. Like, for example, if you are really just getting sick of your wife you could bail for a week a few days just go fishing and hang out with the guys. Maybe there should be husbands’ retreats for that purpose. They could officially say they’re going to learn how to be “good men and better husbands,” but in reality the guys just hang out and relax, play games, drink beer, eat barbecue, etc.

    If every guy knew he could have access to something like that it would make it a lot easier to deal with the old ball and chain back at home.

    • Replies: @abj_slant
  35. Mantle777 says:

    I am a big fan of Fred Reed. I don’t always agree with him but I love his writing style, wit, and humor. One should interpret Fred Reed’s column as a guide to marriage in contemporary USA. Fred himself made the right move to go South of the Border and marry a female from a different culture. Go to Fred’s website and check his archives for a guide to marrying a foreign woman. Marrying foreign also enables a man to marry a much younger woman than he can expect if he marries American. Fred does grasp the general human female species traits. My South of the Border wife also has her mood swings and often blames me for her life’s disappointments. She has all of the legal cards to ruin me at anytime. I am a disabled vet like Fred. The VA was smart enough to protect VA disability from woman friendly divorce judges (almost all of them). My wife knows this. Yet she has a great asset. After 16-years, she hasn’t left. Otherwise saying, I am far from perfect myself. I totally disagree with Fred on kids. My twin boys are my life. Unfortunately, the political atrocities of WW II often prevent modern American men from doing the smart thing. The wise move for men is to choose a wife with good genetics for kids. I wanted tall, strong, athletic kids so I married an Olympic basketball player. Our kids are major league baseball prospects. I get a far greater thrill out of watching them drive one out of the park than I ever did watching a big leaguer at a stadium. Keep in mind that much of a woman’s domestication of males can prove highly beneficial. Is not an upscale home a wiser fiscal investment than a condo in a seedy part of town? Is watching ball game after ball game to beer after beer a good thing? I own a classic car and some expensive sports memorabilia. Do I really need another classic car or more sports memorabilia? A married man can also sneak off to gentleman’s clubs and jack-off to porn. Are gentleman’s clubs and jacking off to porn truly fulfilling in itself? Life is short. Maybe your kids are a continuation of your life? Empirical fact says that married men live longer than bachelors. It’s also provable that the happiest people are the least selfish. Did you ever wonder why some movie stars, rock stars, or professional jocks that have it all are also miserable people who end up in therapy and/or rehab? If one wants to abjure females altogether, gays have the highest suicide rate of any measurable demographic. The solution is to choose wisely men.

  36. Bob says:

    “Will I be happy? Yes, but you won’t know it.”
    Response from a never married Lothario to a question asked by an innocent man about to get married. A passage in a movie.

    “A woman marries hoping he’ll change. A man marries hoping she doesn’t change. They are both in for disappointment” Author Unknown

  37. Caprizchka says: • Website

    I agree with this article in terms of the generalizations therein being mostly true. I would like to add however that another reason that men marry is in order to have a social secretary who will perform the social heavy lifting that Mom and his boss both demand of him, but that he doesn’t feel like doing.

    As a piss-poor social secretary who doesn’t much care to follow home-decorating trends nor purchase boxes of Thank You cards, etc., I am not marriage material for such men. I’m not plugged into the Female-Network, and am comfortable in a state of domestic degradation as I find doilies oppressive. Most men who have wanted to marry me did so exclusively because of my money and that I was obviously easy to manipulate out of it. The winner took all.

    In short, the current state of affairs doesn’t actually benefit women like me nor the sort of men or women I admire, but, of course it does benefit the divorce industry, multinational corporations who prefer unencumbered employees for maximum flexibility in replacing them with similar field-replaceable units, and of course the government which effectively stands in for husbands for those women not so fortunate as to marry money trees.

    I also believe that a marriage-between-equals is bound to end up as female-dominated, which, ironically, is not what most women secretly want, but don’t trust a “sister” to whom to confess this desire. But check out the bedside pornographic reading material!

    Also, I found out in latter life that ironing his shirts is fun, making his meals is fun, and being his sex slave is fun. I expect to be arrested any day for my own good and torn apart by the fingernails of the sisterhood. Meanwhile, I’m working right now attempting to amass some sort of dowry so that I can be exploited again soon, hopefully to my liking.

  38. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    I feel bad for Reed’s children, it must suck know your father hates you.

    • Replies: @Anon
    , @meistergedanken
  39. Svigor says:

    Prenups is the way to go, to divide the larger assets such as house and cars.

    From what I understand, prenups are shit, legally speaking. Judges routinely set them aside, void them, whatever you want to call it.

    • Replies: @JSM
  40. lrC says:
    @Fran Macadam

    The greater longevity and health of satisfactorily and happily married men is actuarially indisputable. The longevity and health of divorced and unhappily married men are both reduced.

  41. Bill P says:
    @Uptown Resident

    Perspective of a happily married and very pregnant woman:

    Reed makes an important point, even if he exaggerates its application. Not all men are cut out for participating in the most important civilizational institution, marriage, and in reproduction. It would be better, for the earth and for the species, if all such men abjured women and contented themselves with pornography.

    You make a great argument for polygyny. But keep in mind that while according to the typical woman some 90% of men may not be cut out for marriage, then an equal number of women are not cut out to be first wives.

    Also, married sex is better.

    How would you know about that, oh happily-married pregnant woman?

  42. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    Fred is married to a Latina? Lol bud you goofed big time, take it from a younger guy who has traveled and lived throughout central/South American-Latina women are some the most unfaithful women out there. 70 % of my “encounters” while I was traveling involved married women or women in relationships. Latina women are also very very good at hiding that they cheated, they hide that stuff like its their second job. These weren’t bar girls either, most were the average respectable looking girls you would find in libraries, college campus or at restaurant dining with their family. To be fair though, Latin men cheat a lot as well and most of girls I got with were on the young side(college aged) but a good deal were married.

    Mexican women aren’t as bad since they tend to be more family orientated but that’s only the ones in southern Mexico. Northern Mexicans are like the others it seems.

    Don’t get me wrong, I like Latina women. They can be very romantic/accommodating to men, but are absolute hormonal monsters if you get on their bad side. So I honestly don’t think they are anymore marriage material then western girls. Their divorce rates are lower because Latin America is the continent with lowest rate of marriage compared to North America and Europe.

    As young guy, I guess this artice is directed at me. I agree that male-female relations are dysfunctional these days. Having worked at college, guys seemed to be more clingy while the girls seem to careless and ended relations on a whim. I always liked Asian women however, maybe one day I’ll move there to get married. I kind of want to do it while I am still young. I really don’t want to end up like those old fat European/Australian/American guys I saw in Thailand holding hands with hookers who all probably laugh at them behind their backs.

    • Replies: @Bill P
  43. Over a decade ago I married a woman from another country. I had little interest in the women here in the USA (or at least the major metro areas I live in.. I have been told women from the rural Midwest are much nicer). I have little use for feminism which seemed to infect a majority college educated woman I met. Frankly, they didn’t have much to show (education wise) for that 4 year degree they went deep into debt for. Plus, I found so many of the women to be shockingly unreliable.

    I would always ask myself, “is this the type of woman who would drop everything making sure you didn’t end up in the emergency room alone”. To me that is a worse case scenario: When you are badly hurt and nearly helpless, you want someone you trust by your side. Nobody should have to go to the emergency room alone. The answer though was always “no”.

    My wife and I marriage has worked out well. Most of the dramas we have faced have been external in nature: Extended family issues, hard times after the 2008 crash, etc. We managed to work through all those issues in part because both of us are future time orientated. We put money aside help cover the literal black swan event(s). We also weathered some medical issues. In one case, I was involved in an accident and rushed form work to be at my side. I went under the anesthetic knowing she was there. We get annoyed with each other at times.. but we don’t fight.

    I think the success is that neither of us “married for love”. We married on very practical terms of compatibility and mutual benefit. Before agreeing to marry, we had a fairly long ‘negotiating’ period where each of laid out what we were looking for. The process was in fact very 18th or 19th century where elders from each family would negotiate the details of the union (no elders in our case.. it was just us). A feminized woman’s head would explode at the thought of doing marriage in the way we did.. but hey.. it has worked well so far

  44. abj_slant says:
    @Bill P

    It worked out well for Winston Churchill…he and Clementine were happily married for 56 years, and they had their own schedules and vacations.

  45. Bill P says:

    Older guys with younger women know the score. The older men of means get youth and beauty on demand (demand isn’t so high past a certain age) and the younger women can have a boyfriend on the side if they’re discreet. It’s an equitable arrangement so long as the “lady” doesn’t screw it up due to some narcissistic need for drama. Usually it’s the young man who plays the fool, and that’s how it should be. Young men should be allowed to be romantic fools for at least a little while before they become jaded by the reality of female sexuality. This is why the “old fool” is such a pathetic creature — he should really know better.

    But then again should he?

    When my love swears that she is made of truth,
    I do believe her though I know she lies,
    That she might think me some untutored youth,
    Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties.
    Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
    Although she knows my days are past the best,
    Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
    On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed:
    But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
    And wherefore say not I that I am old?
    O! love’s best habit is in seeming trust,
    And age in love, loves not to have years told:
    Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,
    And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

  46. I’ve been married 47 years and my wife has made me about 17000 dinners.

  47. Ted says:

    As a happily married guy (30 years going strong!) I agree with a lot what Fred is saying in this article. However I think he is projecting quite a bit here, and suspect that a lot of these hypothetically situations he puts forth may be from a sad experience….

    I think a better solution would be to try to reform divorce law, and teach men(and women) to choose more wisely when looking for a mate. Like I said, I agree with a lot of the sentiment expressed in this article but Fred just comes across as being way too bitter. I thought you were married Fred? How do you think your girls will feel after reading that rant on children?

  48. @pyrrhus

    I think that was Lewis Grizzard, a columnist for the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. The exact quote is more like, “If I ever feel like getting married again, I’ll just find a woman I hate and buy her a house.”

  49. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    Fred at his most cynical. What does Viola (can’t remember her name for sure) his main squeeze think of all this?

  50. Dwright says:

    I am assuming current relationship went south.
    I like a lot about Fred but this is sad advice coming from an old man bitter about his life due to his own stupid mistakes.

    Going through the last few years with the hell my daughter’s ex put her through, abandoning her and her children, I could tell a different story.

    • Replies: @rod1963
  51. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    Fred is right, not for individual stories. There are personal, the marriage trap not.

    It exist, for every men. Our position in a divorce is bad, unfair and sometimes hopeless. Why to sign a trilateral contract (you, a woman, the state) with the option of our own financial slavery?

    It doesn’t make sense, except you have more than enough money.

  52. rod1963 says:

    But it’s not a American woman which are completely different life forms from his wife.

    I’m serious, white American women are poster children for bachelorhood. They are genuinely messed up creatures.

    • Replies: @Bill P
  53. rod1963 says:

    Nope it’s dealing with American females and legal system that totally stacks the deck against men that will make a man bitter. I’ve seen enough guys go through that meat grinder and wrecked financially it scared me off the whole marriage thing.

    The way the legal system is, she can wreck you any time she chooses once you tie the knot. You either obey her or say bye bye to your gun collection, job and bank account, then the house, etc.

    It’s not a good deal for a man.

    Date’em, even cohibatate but don’t marry.

    • Replies: @Truth
  54. Bill P says:

    All women get this attitude when they get to America. They soon find that the deck is stacked in their favor, and they immediately begin to act on it. The only thing that separates foreign from American women in this regard is their family of origin. If their mother and father are traditional folks and still have influence over them, they behave better. If not, no difference at all.

    But things are changing. More American men are starting to realize that the old values don’t get you anywhere. If your wife is out of control and physically aggressive, your only option is to have her thrown in jail, because men are not allowed to defend themselves from women. If she wants to sit around and sponge without being cooperative or contributing anything to the household, you as a man have no duty to contribute anything either. If she wants to foist off childcare and housework, then she can pay alimony and child support, too.

    Fair’s fair, hun. If you want “equality”, I think you deserve to get it good and hard.

  55. @Rich

    yes. I recall my parents trying to talk me out of marriage both times, at 21 and 30.

    experience, like youth, is wasted on the young.

    and then when I got older I realized that everyone has to pay tuition of some sort.

    because until you pay that tuition, the advice has no value.

  56. @pyrrhus

    actually, it was not rod. and the quote was like: next time I have the urge to get married, I will just find someone I dont like, and give her a house.

    that said, your point is well taken

  57. I’ve been reading Fred for years and I enjoy him as a satirist. His bitterness, I think, is more likely attributable to the near loss of his eyesight due to a wound suffered in Vietnam. That has affected his opinions on everything.

    He seems to me to be quite happy with his life and his girlfriend in Mexico.

    I was married for 16 years to the most profoundly beautiful and brilliant Filipina, who died 10 year ago. I wish like hell she was still here. My children and my grandchildren are sheer joy.

    I think every person bears a singular responsibility for the outcomes of their life. Blaming society is always a mistake.

  58. Truth says:

    Quite honestly Rod, I’ll tell you. I hear this ALL THE TIME. What I don’t think men get is, that women ALWAYS take their cues from men. I have heard what you have said from, I would estimate, 50 black men who have married non-blacks. I always want to thell them, “dude, I known you for a long time, the you have every trait you complain of.” This tends to be the case with white men vis-a-vis white women as well, they are the way they are, because you are the way YOU are. The reason white men enter these marrriages is simple, they cannot compete for a woman 20 years younger in America (Germany, Sweden, Italy, wherever) anymore. I live in Kuwait and work for the military, every “strong borders, red-white-and blue, my country is going to hell in a handbasket” type “republican” is paying a little Philipina a few hundred bucks a month to hang out with him.

    I don’t have a problem with that, but let’s call it what it is.

    BTW; it’s kind of hard to gauge the official consensus opinion on white male “race traiting” here; is it always ok? What if one of you guys marries a 20 year old Venus Williams, OK or not? What about white women, never OK, or ok sometimes?

  59. I think Fred threw some bait out —and he got a good catch.

  60. j says: • Website

    Frank gets the facts all right: For men, marriage is a horrible deal. Yet, a man does not live for himself. A man has many civic and moral duties: he has to fight for his country if called, he has to work and avoid being a burden for others, he has to contribute to create the next generation. A man has to soldier on and cannot desert. Why? Porque sí.

    • Replies: @Thiago Ribeiro
  61. anon • Disclaimer says:

    As far as American women being fat and not sexy, what about the Senoras I see every day who look like beer barrels with legs?

  62. anon • Disclaimer says:

    Me too 24 years with an awesome teenager.
    Marry an old fashioned girl and with God’s grace and a lot of work you’ll have a good marriage. Beats singleness by a mile.

  63. tsotha says:

    The greater longevity and health of married men is actuarially indisputable.

    Sort of. Married men are healthier than divorced men. Never married men live the longest. It’s only when you lump the two together that married men come out ahead.

  64. JSM says:

    That’s what needs to change.

  65. I really love and respect this guy.

    Have been reading Fred for decades, and only wish that he was writing this 5o years ago. A bit of advice that may have done me so much good.

    And not just this article: Fred calls it as it is all the time, be it sex, race, politics, economics, technology, what have you.

    I am a proud “Feed Fred” donator, one of the very few donations I make.

    I can be found on gmail.

  66. @j

    If the best answer you can think of is “Porque sí”, you’re an idiot, sir.

  67. j says: • Website

    Could be, but you need to improve your lunfa. Por que? porque se me cantan las pelotas.

  68. Anon • Disclaimer says:

    Your dad hated you. Feel shame

  69. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:

    having lived in loveless marriage, I concur with your assessment. it was more lonely than being single.

  70. truth says:

    Child support is de facto alimony.

    As the child of divorced parents, I can tell you my mother spent most of the child support on herself.

    In reality, most women are receiving alimony but it’s not called that.

  71. As an older married guy (late 50s) married more than twenty years, this article rings true. All the “benefits”, including sex, disappeared years ago. All the responsibilities remain (mine, that is she has few).

    If I were doing it all again, I would most definitely skip “holy matrimony” and advise any successful young man to do likewise.

    There are some exceptions, but they are exceedingly rare, and the odds are stacked against you.

  72. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:
    @Dutch Boy

    I don’t know what country you live….but it is scientifically and legally possible to have both sex and Babies WITHOUT signing your rights away on a marriage licence.
    No marriage and No cohabitation is a survival necessity for all men.

  73. @Anonymous

    Why hello there, concern troll!

  74. man says:

    LOL woman, you’re cute. Women cannot think abstractly.

    He is very clearly saying “get even” for her anger that is WRONGLY blaming him for every bad thing that has happened in her life, because life sucks, women can’t handle it, and women hate men and blame men for their problems, even though beta men allow women to live in comfort without providing sex.

    • Replies: @Dahlia
  75. man says:

    Yep. I was married from age 28-34. Have 2 kids who I adore and must protect at all costs in the face of their mother being selfish and crazy (as are ALL women, no exceptions — solipsism). I have paid $300,000 after-tax dollars so far, to make sure the kids live in a nice home in a good school district. While seeing them only 2 nights a week (I want them with me all the time).

    It is clear that the Founders had it right. Only property-owning men should be allowed to vote. Women got the vote and have been liberated to destroy a working civilization.

    This is fact, not opinion. If you don’t believe me, watch the Disney channel or google “Miley Cyrus.”

  76. Anonymous • Disclaimer says:
    @Dutch Boy

    Well @Dutch Boy,

    If you can figure out how to acuraely identify a woman who likes both sex and children, and who will keep liking both for 18 years- you can become a rich man!!!! LOL

  77. Brendan says:

    Live with her if you must

    Isn’t that fraught with legal peril as well? If I live with a girl who contributes to the mortgage, can she make a claim on my house when the relationship goes sour?

  78. Anonymous [AKA "Murphy"] says:
    @Dutch Boy

    Did you read the article?

  79. maxsnafu says:

    A prenup can be invalidated at the stroke of a family court judge’s pen.

    • Replies: @August West
  80. Dahlia says:

    Perhaps you’re right. I do not know Mr. Reed. This could just be an emotive, hilarious attack on a succubus richly deserving of it.

    Marriage is for children and how much the adults love it, hate it, etc. is interesting, but irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. We only care and are so passionate about marriage because of the next generation. This article treated marriage as simply a lifestyle choice which may, or may not, be fruitful.

    This is important because Mr. Reed holds forth on deadly serious subjects, ones which I personally know little to nothing about: war, Israel, foreign policy, etc. I’m scrutinizing extra the characters of such writers.
    Mr. Reed strikes me as very sane and quick. But this post worries me about other areas.

  81. @maxsnafu

    Correct-0-Mondo! Prenups are routinely thrown out of court if “they’re not fair” in the eyes of the Court.



  82. Anonymous • Disclaimer says: • Website

    Close personal relationships including marriage can be some of the most rewarding investments one can make in life. It can also be one’s downfall. I’ve known too many of my close friends who were emotionally and financially crippled by relationships that went sour. It seems to be a recurring theme. Things start out well, then something changes or changes slowly overtime and them kablam the union is toast. I have also seen the flip side which is a couple who were so well matched from the onset it would be a wise decision to lock it down….though these are the exceptions. The fact is the law (in western nations) is biased and has been used to crush dudes on the wrong side of the equation.

    I won’t tell people not to get married though I advise to research all life altering decisions before making any long term commitments.

  83. @Escher

    No, no, no, no, no!

    If it’s “choking the chicken,” then you must continue with the alliteration: BEATING the bishop. Flogging usually contains an element of rhyme, e.g., flogging your dong, or flogging the log.

Current Commenter

Leave a Reply - Comments on articles more than two weeks old will be judged much more strictly on quality and tone

 Remember My InformationWhy?
 Email Replies to my Comment
Submitted comments become the property of The Unz Review and may be republished elsewhere at the sole discretion of the latter
Subscribe to This Comment Thread via RSS Subscribe to All Fred Reed Comments via RSS
Personal Classics
Not What Tom Jefferson Had in Mind
Sounds Like A Low-Ranked American University To Me
Very Long, Will Bore Hell Out Of Most People, But I Felt Like Doing It
It's Not A Job. It's An Adventure.
Cloudy, With Possible Tidal Wave