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Academia

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A white man’s stick hut. We began building these things in 1137.
An Introduction to the Blindingly Obvious
If you are a white student in college, you doubtless hear daily that white people are evil, the principal cause of everything wrong with the world. Whiteness is bad, white people are bad. We are to blame for everything. If you believe this, you are being gamed. What you are being told is nonsense. If... Read More
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Dear ___, You asked how college was when I was a kid, in the late Epicene, and what I thought of schools today. Herewith an answer which I will probably post on my website as I think the matter important: Much has changed. Long ago, before 1965 say, college was understood to be for the... Read More
Pretty Nearly, Anyway
Art is mostly fraud perpetrated by narcissistic academic quacks on a public easily gulled. They should be prosecuted. This is as true of literature as of painting and sculpture. If modern sculpture were placed in a junkyard, art critics couldn’t find it. Most of what we are told are great works are great works only... Read More
Common Sense Takes Academia by Surprise
When Willy Jack Fergweiler of Bluefield, West Virginia founded the Intergalactic Galactic Pooontang and Klingon University, which came to be called simply Poon U., no one paid attention. Willy Jack was eighteen years old, and had just graduated from Bluefield Senior High. Bluefield had not hitherto been a hotbed of technological revolution. This was about... Read More
Toward a More Inclusive Sexuality
Having read the course listings for several departments of Women’s Studies at places that were once universities, such as Dartmouth, I am considering becoming a deep-sea squid. Many considerations recommend this course. Squids are more dignified than people. They make less noise. Universities run by squids do not have Departments of Lesbian, Gay, Cross-gendered, Transmogrified,... Read More
Count'em
The Look Like America bill, originally H.R. 1533, seemed a perfectly ordinary piece of feel-good legislation when proposed by Barack Hussein Obama. “Our diversity is our strength,” he said. “We must increase the representation of minorites in our institutions to reflect our diverse population and ensure the fairness for which America stands.” Congress passed the... Read More
About Time
I think it is time to close the universities, and perhaps prosecute the professoriat under the RICO act as a corrupt and racketeering-influenced organization. Universities these days have the moral character of electronic churches, and as little educational value. They are an embarrassment to civilization.I know this. I am sitting in my office in Jocotepec,... Read More
Personally, I'd Rather Have A Possum As President Of Harvard
It seems that Larry Summers, a timid man mysteriously president of Harvard, has suggested that men might be better than women at mathematics. He has been beset by the fanged mouselets of academe, and is now busily cringing like a puppy who has wet the rug. We must not mention what the correct do not... Read More
My Action Is More Affirmative Than Your Action
The remarkable rise of the Tloxiproctyl to academic prominence began at UC Berkeley, where the creeping fascism of George Bush gnawed at the professoriate. Worse, no one was paying attention to them, always distressing to the narcissistically irrelevant. They desperately wanted to jumpstart the faltering engines of progressivism. (The metaphor doesn't quite make sense. Of... Read More
Queer Studies Comes To Romper Room
I see in the Harvard Crimson,* once the students’ newspaper of what was once a university, that Boston’s foremost daycare center, Harvard itself, wobbles toward adopting Queer Studies. Soon, apparently, there will be a Department. Why, you might ask, does Harvard want to study queers? It doesn’t, methinks. I suspect that the adolescents of Harvard,... Read More
Fred Fights For Justice. Like Batman.
Magazines, and those reprehensible lying TV shows like Twenty Minutes or whatever, are bleating like hung-over goats about how universities mulct black basketball players. Yeah. The players get used for the glory of the school, and then thrown on the street when their eligibility wears out, like cheap shoes with a hole in the sole.... Read More
Universities In All But Fact
The next boom market may be in accouterments for faculty lounges at universities. I have in mind training bras and, for the women, maybe penis gourds -- big ugly ones, such as denizens of New Guinea's rain forests wear. The idea isn't as strange as it seems. A penis sheath might double as a Walkman... Read More
Tinker Toys, College Admissions, And Sheer Embarrassment
I can't stand it. I'm going to Papua-New Guinea to live in a rain forest, and wear a loin cloth, and eat big nasty-looking grubs out of rotting trees, and worship airplanes. That way I'll never have to hear about Colorado College and its Legos again. So help me, the college is using Legos instead... Read More
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Fred Reed
About Fred Reed

Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a disorganized past, has worked on staff for Army Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of Fortune, Federal Computer Week, and The Washington Times.

He has been published in Playboy, Soldier of Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Harper's, National Review, Signal, Air&Space, and suchlike. He has worked as a police writer, technology editor, military specialist, and authority on mercenary soldiers.


Personal Classics
Not What Tom Jefferson Had in Mind
Sounds Like A Low-Ranked American University To Me
Very Long, Will Bore Hell Out Of Most People, But I Felt Like Doing It
It's Not A Job. It's An Adventure.
Cloudy, With Possible Tidal Wave