With all the recent talk about American intervention in East Timor, which is about as far as one can get from the United States, you may be wondering about the safety of your own oppressive regime. Is any oppressive regime safe and secure from the long arm of the United States?
In fact, many oppressive regimes do manage to survive and prosper, even receiving American blessing and support, at the same time that others face destruction at the hands of American “humanitarian” military forces. Since American “humanitarian” intervention is likely to install a regime at least as oppressive as the one removed (witness the admirably fascist approach of the NATO-installed KLA in Kosovo), there is no evidence that America’s global police actions have reduced the number of oppressive regimes in the world.
Of course, you cannot take much pleasure from the fact that overall oppression in the world is not declining; what you want to do is to protect your own particular oppressive regime. So the question is, what must an oppressive regime do in order not to stir up the animosity of the United States? I have assembled the following points to try to help you answer this all-important question upon which your very survival may rest.
1. One sure-fire method of preventing a U.S. attack is to wield military power. Totally ignore all the American blather about nuclear disarmament. You might sign some disarmament treaties, but make sure you completely ignore them. Obtain as many nukes as you can afford, and then, like China and North Korea, you can get away with any amount of oppression. Poison gas, biological weapons, a missile-defense system, and the maintenance of a totally militarized state would also be advisable, just to be on the safe side. And be sure to make threats of aggression against your neighbors. Even fire a couple of missiles over your neighbors’ territories. If you appear sufficiently powerful and vicious — better yet, insane — the United States will not dare to irritate you. In fact, this approach should actually bring you rewards from Uncle Sam — favorable trade deals, loans, even foreign aid. It has worked wonders for the Stalinist state of North Korea.
The tribute, you see, is intended to bribe you from carrying out your aggressive threats. American luminaries even claim that economic largesse will make you more peaceful and democratic in the future. Make sure that future never arrives. Instead, make use of the bribes to increase your military might.
2. Do not allow your subject population to have any freedom whatsoever. A rigid totalitarian regime prevents any individual or group from protesting, much less attempting to rebel. In the absence of KLA- or East Timorese-style proponents of independence, the outside world will not be disturbed by any overt signs of opposition. No one complains about China’s control of non-Chinese ethnic groups in its Western border regions because those groups simply have no chance to protest. The American Establishment never was much concerned about the lack of personal or national freedom in the totalitarian Soviet empire; only real right-wing wackos ever talked about “liberation.” And remember the lesson from the Soviet totalitarian experience: The moment you allow any inkling of freedom, you may be done for.
3. If possible have influential lobbyists and propagandists in the United States. The Zionist lobby certainly does wonders in shielding Israel from any criticism, allowing her to persecute Palestinians even beyond her recognized borders and maintain an array of weapons of mass destruction — nuclear, chemical, biological — that are prohibited to her neighbors. The Israeli lobby’s clout has even reached the point where any criticism of its country’s aggressive actions is branded as “hate” in the United States. However, don’t expect to reach that level of success with your own domestic lobby.
4. The next best thing to having an influential lobby is to associate with another country that has one. For example, Turkey has befriended Israel, and the Israeli lobby accordingly sees to it that Turkey’s interests are protected in the United States. Thus, Turkey can get away with oppressing its Kurdish minority, and the United States actually provides the military hardware enabling it to do so. Those who fight Turkish rule are designated as “terrorists” by the U.S. State Department. Remember, if you lack domestic American support, those “terrorists” could end up being called “freedom fighters.”
5. Make sure not to irritate a country that has a powerful American lobby. Recall the case of Saddam’s Iraq. At one time, Saddam was an American favorite. The United States encouraged him to attack Iran, and the West provided support for his war effort — the materials to make poison gas and everything else. Saddam even gassed some of his own subjects when they became uppity. The Establishment media, and especially the U.S. government, found little fault with Saddam’s oppressive control of his country. But then he began to make threats toward Israel and seemed to be developing military power sufficient to rival Israel’s. Well, you know the rest of that story. Saddam became America’s number-one evil “Hitler.”
6. Have your regime promulgate “progressive” PC views. Eschew reactionary views such as white supremacy, which turned the whole world against white-ruled South Africa. Claim that your brutal methods are intended to bring about a progressive utopia. Cater to the Western literati, and even more so to the glitterati. The Communist regimes used this approach, and for years it worked wonders for them. Mao and Castro became heroes to dopey Western trendynistas! Remember how the Establishment media even castigated Ronald Reagan for describing the Soviet Union as an “evil empire”? And contrast the Establishment media’s constant focus on the mass murders of the Nazi regime with their rare mention of the more extensive mass murders of the Communist regimes.
Cuba still falls into the “progressive” category — and notice the Establishment media’s negative view of the embargo on that country. They don’t demand that the Castro government allow greater freedom for its people in order for the U.S. to terminate the embargo. Rather, ending the embargo is supposed to bring about that greater freedom. Does that mean that Establishment folks are all unbridled free-marketeers, acting on principle? Put your mind at ease: of course it doesn’t! Just contrast their opposition to the Cuba embargo with their support of the genocidal embargo of Iraq that has killed more than a million Iraqis.
You might feel that addressing all of the above points is impossible. But you can make a start. Developing an impressive militarized state equipped with all the modern modes of mass destruction will take time, but a beginning should be made. Similarly, you must go slow in eliminating the freedoms of your people, even if those freedoms are already very limited. But the espousal of PC views will cost nothing and need not have anything to do with how you actually run your country. A cautionary note: you must avoid saying anything non-PC. And remember, if internal conditions allow, you should cater to that one country whose supporters have unparalleled influence in the United States.
Although you may not achieve perfection in any one of these categories, you should be able to place your regime well down on the list of Establishment-designated evil countries. Since the U.S. military can only make a limited number of attacks, you should remain free from an American “humanitarian” war, and your tyranny should live long and prosper.
Your humble servant,
Stephen J. Sniegoski