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Russians Wuz Pharaohs
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Can’t believe it took us so long, but commenter Dmitry has finally put two and two together:

I agree it superficially seems like a strong argument, but then you are ignoring different historical periods of our ancestors. For example, heat was not an issue for the Ancient Russians who built the pyramids, despite that their skin was not less pale than ours according to the photographic evidence.

I know there are scholars who claim Nigerians were involved in building the pyramids (this is before the Nigerians immigrated to Sparta). I think the more plausible theory is that the construction of the pyramids was a joint Russian-Nigerian project.

Probably the Nigerians contribution was being exaggerated in the West in as part of a Russophobic campaign.

Interestingly Russians of Ancient Egypt also seemed to have possessed a species of white skinned buffaloes.


The famous antimatter hyperdrives built into the pyramids:


… must have been based on the same technology that powered the spaceships on which Russians’ ancestors arrived on this planet. (Alien origins explain our extra chromosome).

There is direct photographic evidence of this:


This must have all happened around the time when the proto-Ukrs were digging out the Black Sea.

• Tags: Egypt, Humor, Russia 
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  1. You are joking. A lot of Hungarian nationalists are dead serious.

  2. Anon[190] • Disclaimer says:

    Well, if you don’t like the crowd here, you can always pull a Gessen. You already criticize Putin and the vatniks. You just have to put 2 and 2 together, and start explaining how Russians are nation of degenerates. Normies will fill your comment columns on Vice or Huffintgon, with approving comments that make sense in their normies world, such as “blacks are mistreated in Russia” (seen on yesterday).

    That’s what you get when you are so edgy that, for you, Portugal is a corrupt shadow of its past. Looking forward to your superiority-complexed comments on Romania. With any luck, you will be left with Dmitry.

    • Replies: @Mitleser
  3. Mitleser says:

    That’s what you get when you are so edgy that, for you, Portugal is a corrupt shadow of its past.

    Honestly, what would be wrong with calling Portugal “a shadow of its past”?

    “Portugal is not a small country”

    • Replies: @DFH
    , @for-the-record
  4. I dimly recall once having seen a film segment from the 3rd Reich where it was insinuated that Nordic Aryans built the pyramids.
    To a certain kind of extreme nationalist such ideas apparently seem quite plausible.

  5. DFH says:

    Truly, Portugal was a much greater country when it included large swathes of African desert filled with unproductive savages and mulattos

    • Replies: @Mitleser
  6. @Mitleser

    Portugal looks forward to a glorious past.


    The progress in AI is astounding. Medical data in general is a huge untapped area, though I’m aware that DeepMind has partnered with NHS. The potential for making complex diagnosis is huge, given that more rare diseases often have a vast array of symptons that are not easy to correlate and AI could do wonders there. A big factor is also the cost, namely that multiple visits cost a lot, and if it is a rare disease the waiting times could be quite cumbersome. This is an area where AI progress can’t come fast enough.

    • Replies: @Anatoly Karlin
    , @Anonymous
  8. Mitleser says:

    It was greater and could have been richer too if they had kept the oil-rich Cabinda and São Tomé e Príncipe.

  9. @Polish Perspective

    Unfortunately, I see a great deal of institutional resistance to AI from terrorist doctors.

    Those white-robed criminals don’t typically even want to give you your medical history and even managed to lobby a ban on 23andme including medical reports in its genetics testing kit for several years. Can AI really make wide-scale progress in these circumstances?

    • Replies: @Polish Perspective
  10. songbird says:

    Albino Nigerians, surely?

  11. neutral says:

    I am not saying that it was Aryans that built the pyramids but it is still more realistic as a theory than West Africans (i.e. where the blacks in America are from) that built it. The ancient pharaohs would have likely looked white as opposed to like Eddie Murphy from that Michael Jackson video.

  12. @German_reader

    Nordic/aryan origin theories for ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, and Mesopotamia were actually fairly mainstream historiography and racial science around 1900.

    They began to fall out of favor in the 1920s, and not for ideological reasons. Anthropometry and anthropology had shown by that time that Nordic origins for Egypt in particular were quite implausible, though there was some depigmentation as a result of the increasing negroid stock of the population (as again proven by DNA analysis recently).

    The Nazis preserved a lot of popular theories from the turn of the 20th century for ideological reasons.

  13. Oh, COME ON!

    Don’t tell me you never read Fomenko and his acolytes. Russians were everyone, once.

  14. Brabantian says: • Website

    On the serious side of Egyptian revisionist history, medical Dr Ashraf Ezzat of Alexandria has done a lot of non-PC scholarship highlighting things that mainstream tends to suppress -

    Starting with the fact that the oldest ‘Hebrew bible’ is not in Hebrew, but is the Greek Septuagint of Alexandria, allegedly a ‘translation of lost Hebrew’ but more likely a fabrication by Jews upgrading their story by associating it with great Egypt

    When actually it seems the Jews were a minor tribe originating in Arabia-Yemen, explaining why modern Israel finds so little ‘ancient Jewish archaeology’

    Ezzat at his most bold, has argued that all the 3 Abrahamic religions of Judaism, Christianity & Islam, are essentially weird, perverse constructs, all founded by the same kind of desert tribals within a few hundred kilometres of each other … founded by peoples who are extremist, belligerent, and of low culture … hence the ‘my god is the only god’ fanaticism, barbaric concepts such as ‘eternal hell’, making child genital mutilation (circumcision) a core ‘religious concept’, ‘God-ordered’ genocides of women and children as the Bible tells, torture-and-death cults quite alien to the tradition of south & east Asian spirituality

    Here’s an Ashraf Ezzat 4 min. video ‘Egypt Knew Neither Pharoah nor Moses’ … It turns out that even the ‘pharoah’ concept is a hoax based on mis-translation

  15. songbird says:

    It is kind of a silly and bizarre idea – the desire to seek far flung ancient and prehistoric glories, when your present far exceeds any of them. I mean, going back to the Nigerian commenter – what was the tallest building blacks had built in Africa, when the Empire State Building was completed in 1931?

    But, having said that, there are a lot of crazy anthropological ideas and the Nazis’ theories weren’t really that crazy compared to some others: “pots, not people”; climate change causing die-offs of large animals and cultures, Britain having no true ethnic basis, etc. They wouldn’t have believed in any of those far crazier ideas.

    The earlier anthropological theories of invasion were far more correct than what came later, and anthropologists tend to be on the Left.

  16. LatW says:

    I was just going to say – the ancient Ukrs pale in comparison. :)

  17. @Anatoly Karlin

    Can AI really make wide-scale progress in these circumstances?

    Yes, because China exists. Technological progress is decreasingly dependent upon the ideological and bureaucratic foibles of the West. People won’t accept second world treatment if they can see with their own eyes what’s happening in China. Simple as.

    • Replies: @Randal
  18. Randal says:
    @Polish Perspective

    Of course China will likely have its own ideological and bureaucratic foibles, but they likely won’t be the same foibles. Which is why we are better off with a multipolar world than the unipolar world leading inevitably to one world government that is the main alternative.

  19. Russia bottom of the heap in 10-question (ultra) basic scientific knowledge quiz.

  20. I think the more plausible theory is that the construction of the pyramids was a joint Russian-Nigerian project.

    Was that before or after the Aswan Dam? ;-)


    I’m unironically thinking of re-routing my vacation plans this summer from Warsaw > Sweden > Ukraine to Warsaw > Sweden > Northern Russia and stay there in the cool 15~ Celsius bliss that I crave. Here’s the weather today:

    28 C is unbearable and it’s still not even June. Now think how it’s going to be a few decades from now. I might have to abandon Poland during the summers permanently if this goes on, though the autumns will be awesome.

    Incidentally, how are the transport links in the circle I painted, any local airports? How cheap is land and can you build your own little cabin (or dacha, though I’m sure I’m using the word in the wrong context) or is it worth getting something pre-built, how is quality?

    I’m only half-joking. I’m seriously thinking of getting a place in the upper reaches of Northern Europe to escape to during the summers. Anything above 25 is ridiculous to me and the upper reaches of Russia would seem like a decent candidate, it’s either that or Norway’s coast but I can’t pay a kidney for a vacation house in my age bracket, so Norway is not a serious option. Plus a Russian vacation house would give me the perfect excuse to practice some Russian. I hope they don’t have any hillbilly accents up there!

  22. Mr. Hack says:
    @Polish Perspective

    You might want to consider Murmansk for your middle aged hideaway. It’s certainly far enough north and exhibits the cool climate that you’re seeking. I had an aunt from there, a beautiful Russian lady, with the warmest heart. She assimilated well into her Ukrainian milieu, but always kept in contact with her family back home. My Ukrainian cousins would rave about the place, fondly reminiscing about the great harvests of mushrooms (something near and dear I’m sure to your Polish heart) to be had there. If the rest of the gals look like my aunt did, you could do far worse. Housing costs must be cheap, as they are in Pskov (a guy who lived with me for over a year was from there said that a house could be had for a couple of thousand American bucks – no need to sacrifice a good liver).

    • Replies: @Polish Perspective
  23. @Polish Perspective

    Lots of sauna (combined with icy baths) and winter swimming in below 10 Celsius water should help your body’s ability to regulate heat. (Okay, the winter swimming helps more in the cold, I think.)

  24. @Polish Perspective

    Now think how it’s going to be a few decades from now.

    I’m 41 now, so I’m thinking I’m probably too old to enjoy a retirement on the White Sea Riviera. But it’s a probably a good bet that a couple hundred years from now, Russians are going to be sitting on some world class coastline.

  25. El Dato says:

    I don’t understand the image with the Cohort of the Ladies of the Lake emerging from its innards. Apparently it has landed on some kind of surface covered in tiling? Why is there a swastika overlaid with a cross on what can only be a subspace stabilizer fin? I mean, why would anyone paint some sign from a boy scout manual on a spaceship anyway – who would ever see it? Asteroids??

    • Replies: @Daniel Chieh
  26. @El Dato

    To intimidate the protoPole orbital defenses not to fire on them, of course.

  27. Anon[110] • Disclaimer says:
    @Polish Perspective

    Lol I feel cold outside until 22

  28. @Mr. Hack

    I just looked up Murmansk’s climate data and while the average temperatures in the summer are awesome, and a good insurance against further heating in the decades to come, it does seem to rain a lot. Average days of days reaches 20(!) in July according to wikipedia. This is a bummer as otherwise it would be perfect. But I’ll certainly keep it in mind. Maybe there are places close to it which doesn’t get as much rain. I’ve only been to Oslo in Norway but people I’ve spoken to there said that Bergen (their 2nd biggest city, which is also notorious for rain) has areas close-by where it rains far less since the mountains surrounding Bergen is stopping all the clouds. So maybe there is something similar with Murmansk where like 20-30 km out, you could find a place with far less rainy days. It’s worth looking up!

    • Replies: @Dmitry
    , @Mr. Hack
  29. Dmitry says:
    @Polish Perspective

    Somehow the whole internet is discussing Murmansk this month.

    It has a thing with throwing garbage out of windows, garbage being thrown in creative ways…

  30. Anonymous[405] • Disclaimer says:
    @Polish Perspective

    Are you sure this is not like the diagnostic radiology tech that the Economist hyped 3 years ago and only now there is an understanding that AI radiology is far from implementable.

  31. melanf says:
    @Polish Perspective

    I’m unironically thinking of re-routing my vacation plans this summer from Warsaw > Sweden > Ukraine to Warsaw > Sweden > Northern Russia and stay there in the cool 15~ Celsius bliss that I crave. Here’s the weather today:

    An excellent place for such a holiday – the Solovetsky Islands on the White sea. In summer, the Islands temperature is about 20 C, the sea (near the shore) 15 C, the sun constantly. Absolutely clean water, absolutely empty beaches with white sand without people

    And the rest of the island is an interesting place.

  32. anon[265] • Disclaimer says:

    Yes, Russias wuz Pharaohs, and ancient Greeks, Romans, Persians, Indians and Chinese, and Incans and Mayans too. Modern cutting edge Russian historical science proved that all world was once ruled by great Russian empire, until it fell apart in 16th century, and the dastardly Europeans destroyed all remains and invented “Egypt” “Greece” and “Rome” to hide the Russian greatness.

    The last remains of Great Empire were destroyed in nuclear war of 1780. But it will rise again!

    • Replies: @Daniel Chieh
    , @melanf
  33. Mr. Hack says:
    @Polish Perspective

    Check out Pskov, further south and a nice historic town by all accounts, and as I’ve said real estate prices are a steal. Remember, the rainy climate translates eventually into bucketulls of gorgeous mushrooms.

  34. @melanf

    Do you do winter swimming? I heard there’s a large number of winter swimming enthusiasts in Russia. Unfortunately in Central Europe you can only do that for a few months per year.

    • Replies: @melanf
  35. @anon

    Fomenko has published and sold over one million copies of his books in his native Russia. Many Internet forums have appeared which aim to supplement his work with additional amateur research.[72] His critics have suggested that Fomenko’s version of history appealed to the Russian reading public by keeping alive an imperial consciousness to replace their disillusionment with the failures of Communism and post-Communist corporate oligarchies.[43]

    Maybe we’re stumbling onto the key to a bestseller.

    • Replies: @Hyperborean
  36. Logan says:

    My personal favorite is Vedic Science, which is kind of like the Black Panther scenario moved into the ancient Indian past. Indians had all this technology much more advanced than what we have now.

    This clearly begs the question of how they manged to get conquered by a few thousand people from a small rainy island on the other side of the world.

  37. @Daniel Chieh

    Now we just need to find a way to incorporate mushroom Lenin.

  38. @Polish Perspective

    But midges? Stay away from any water in the cool North. The ultimate torture/execution in Siberian prison camps was to be tied to a stake in the marsh until you had no skin left

  39. Did they build the Pyramids before or after they left Asgard to fight the Lemurians? You should go the full Levashov now you are at it. I speak for Atlantis!

    • Replies: @Daniel Chieh
  40. melanf says:
    @reiner Tor

    We have fans of such entertainment (they are called “walruses”),
    but these people are very few. To swim among the ice and get pleasure from it – you need to have special psychophysical abilities. I once crossed the stream into a Ford with water about 5 C – it’s really terrible feeling (although the water was only up to my knee).

    • Replies: @Daniel Chieh
  41. @Philip Owen

    Agartha shall be triumphant.

  42. melanf says:

    Yes, Russias wuz Pharaohs, and ancient Greeks, Romans, Persians, Indians and Chinese, and Incans and Mayans too. Modern cutting edge Russian historical science proved that all world was once ruled by great Russian empire, until it fell apart in 16th century, and the dastardly Europeans destroyed all remains and invented “Egypt” “Greece” and “Rome” to hide the Russian greatness.

    Well, the idea of Fomenko – that ancient history entirely invented in the middle Ages (as the Roman emperors invented by order of the Hohenstaufen). The world Empire destroyed by the atomic war in 1780 not Fomenko’s fantasy but fantasy of his Internet followers (or perhaps a parody of idea of Fomenko)

  43. @melanf

    I remember some of them in Finland as well. Quite special! And well fortified with alcohol, usually. The habit of going from the ice cold water into the hot sauna was something which I recall was considered especially dangerous.

  44. @melanf

    Thanks, that does look amazing.

  45. @German_reader

    Anatoly Karlin proves this true fact with the LAST photograph, which undoubtedly displays an ancient pre-formulation of the Swastika. So – they flew in, built the pyramids, and then flew out again. Simple.

    • LOL: German_reader

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