WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
So all you losers whining about the Battle of Winterfell, or: The Charge of the Dothraki Brigade. You’re approaching this as you would a real medieval battle, criticizing show writers D&D for giving Winterfell such an absurd order of battle (cavalry go first; trebuchets out in front; palisades right behind the infantry; almost no soldiers manning the walls, few archers, no boiling oil, no defensive siege weaponry, not using Dothraki as cavalry archers, etc).
But I think I have figured D&D out. Thing is, true to their moniker, you should look at Game of Thrones as some kind of TBS RPG/strategy hybrid, not as an actual TV show.
In this brilliant new light, the Battle of Winterfell actually makes patent sense:
- Cavalry was controlled by Leeroy Jenkins type player.
- No evasion bonus from taking cover.
- No accuracy penalty when shooting at moving targets.
- Firewall conceals NPC line of sight, they literally don’t see the wights behind it and hold their fire.
- Not enough free tiles to fit the vast majority of your troops into the fortress.
- Otherwise feeble zombies having enough strength to break through stone crypts is too powerful a trope to avoid.
- Lv. 80 Night King has 100% ice and fire resistance, one shots anyone from within melee range, can only be killed by critical strike from stealth by a max initiative, high AP character.
See? All the subsequent episodes start to come together.
- X-Bow class should be nerfed. OP as fuck! Takes down Lv.20 dragon in two hits despite high evasion stats.
- The Lv.50 dragon has much higher evasion and initiative, destroys frat boy Euron’s teleporting fleet like so much driftwood. And it has a Wall Destruction perk too. Neat!
- Greetings from Daenerys, Mother of Dragons… Our words are backed with DRAGON FIRE.
- Vassal Opinion plummets and triggers tons of plots.
- Dany spent all her points on dragon-riding and none on intrigue, leaving her vulnerable to palace conspiracies.
- Maxed out Speech skill tree allowed Tyrion to pass persuasion checks from Yara Greyjoy and the Dornishmen and force a non-violent resolution to the “Northern Independence” quest.
- Player Bran was on God Mode since Season 1 Episode 1. Sorry Stannis. Sorry Cersei. Sorry Dany. The game was rigged from the start.
Broke: Credible character arcs, world consistency, logical plotting, realistic logistics, literary themes, suspension of disbelief.
Woke: Subverting expectations.
Bespoke: Next gen graphics and hauntingly brilliant music from Ramin Djawadi make up for what is still a respectable story by video game standards. 5/5!
PS. In retrospect, Night King did nothing wrong. The Six Kingdoms are presided over by an omniscient deity who is indifferent to human welfare, and the North is ruled by a spiteful, ingrate traitor.
I also wish D&D the best of luck in putting the Star Wars franchise out of its misery with their trademark aplomb.